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[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Date: January 14, 2000
Setting: Tadfield Manor, Michael's Room
Status: Private - Raphael, Michael
Summary: Raph gets worried - and slides a few more notches down the ladder.



Raphael looked in the mirror at his reflection, trying to work up the nerve to do what he had to do. His arguments with Crowley and Pestilence simply went to prove that he had few, if any, allies in the entrapping mansion... save for one.

Michael.

Michael, he realized upon reflection, could be his answer. The angel was obsessed; and Raphael knew how far an obsessed lover could go. Frankie and Eliza were proof of that. Suffice it to say that he didn't actually feel anything for the angel; though he had to admit he was attractive, it did not go deeper. He did not love Michael...

But surely, it could not be so difficult to convince him that he did, not when Michael wanted to believe it.

Raphael wanted assurance, protection... the muscle he didn't have against the numerous supernatural entities he loathed. And Michael, once properly smitten and taken in, would do whatever he asked. Everybody implied that they were dating anyway. Nobody would find it amiss. And he would be safe with Michael as his shield.

His hair was shining perfectly, his robe was dazzling. He made sure to look slightly paler than normal, slightly more vulnerable.

He left his room, walked to Michael's and knocked on the door.

Comments

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael was sitting on his bed, his thoughts wandering from one matter to another. Mostly he was thinking about Raphael. As usual.

Rapphael had been the one topic most occupying his thoughts for the last two millennia or so. Lately, however, he had been thinking about the healer even more than usually. At times, he was worried for Raphael, at other times he jsut wondered just how the other archangel felt about him in the end. It was rather hard to try to read the signs when at one moment he was told to get lost and the next he was asked to kiss Raphael. He wished Raphael would just make up his mind already. (...And, hopefully, pick the latter option.)

His thoughts were interrupted by a sudden knock on the door. Wondering who it might be and deciding that it was probably Uriel -- after all, who else would be coming to his room? -- he stood up. He might just as well actually open the door.

However, as he opened the door and saw the person on the other side, he froze. It was not Uriel. Instead it was absolutely the most beautiful creature he had ever seen, the mere sight leaving him stunned for a moment.

At last he could get over his shock enough to actually speak. "...Raphael?" he said quietly, still not quite believing what he saw.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael forced a soft, inviting smile and looked at the other angel with wide eyes.

"Michael?" He asked in a muted, timid voice. "May I come in? I would..."

Blood rushed intentionally and he blushed.

"I would like to talk with you."

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael stepped aside to allow Raphael into the room, still feeling a bit dazed. As he glanced around, he realized that there was nothing in the room for Raphael to sit on... except for the bed. He quickly fought down the blush that threatened to show up immediately as various thoughts involving Raphael on his bed invaded his mind.

Miracling a couple of chairs, he forced himself to sound somewhat calm as he said, "Sit down, please." Then, never being one to be much in control of his actions -- especially when he should have -- he blurted out, "What did you want to talk about?", without even giving Raphael time to sit down first.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael slid up close to him, ignored the chairs and touched a button on Michael's shirt before looking up at him.

"You changed your hair." He paused. "I don't much like it..." He sucked in an unnecessary breath, looked at his hands and fidgeted. "I think I might have been unnecessarily short with you the other night..."

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

As usual, Michael said the first thing that came to his mind. "I can change it back if you want me to." And he would. He'd himself rather liked the change, noticing that he was truly getting rid of his little habit as there was no longer a wealth of hair for his hand to grasp on, his hair too short to get a proper grip on. But if Raphael really disliked it, he would change it in an instant.

He was starting to feel a bit... well, bothered having Raphael standing so close to him. And he really didn't know how to react to the other's words.

"...How so?" he finally managed to ask.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael looked down and willed tears to brim.

"It's just that I've been so confused lately, so scared, I'm not really sure what I'm feeling.

I'm frightened, Michael," he said looking up at him, letting the tears spill. "And... and I took it out on you when that's not what I wanted to do at all."

He sniffed and drew closer.

"Would you change it back? I find the familiarity comforting."

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael felt his heart breaking as he saw Raphael's tears. This was the last thing ever he wanted to see. Raphael shouldn't be crying. This was just wrong.

"Please don't cry, Raphael," he said quietly, feeling very awkward. With a brief thought he allowed his hair to grow until he felt it reaching his hips. With a shift of his head he tried to adjust to the sudden weight on the back of his head. If it could make Raphael cry one tear less, it'd be worth it.

Hesitating a bit at first, he finally collected his courage. (Usually he was very brave, but something in Raphael always made him feel rather hesitant. It was probably because he actually cared what Raphael thought about him.) Very carefully he reached out his arms and wrapped them around the other angel, drawing him even closer to himself.

"Don't cry, Raphael," he murmured in what he hoped was a comforting way, feeling deep agony in his heart at the tears that just continued falling. "There's no reason for you to be scared."

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

That's right you big, guillible meat-head, buy it then come back for more...

Raphael leaned into Michael's embrace and wept.

"This place is awful Michael. It feels like nobody cares, everybody thinks I'm going to Fall, wants me to Fall... I want to go home, Michael, home to a place that's loving and safe." He clutched Michael. "And I'm so afraid of what I've been feeling..."

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael tightened his embrace around Raphael, holding the weeping healer tightly against his chest. He still felt tearing agony insider himself at the other's tears, but at the same time if felt so wonderful, so right to have Raphael in his arms at last.

"You're wrong, Raphael," he murmured, bending his head down to place a light kiss on the wavy copper hair. It seemed to shine even more than usually. "I do care about you. And I definitely don't want you to Fall -- I'd never want that."

For a second he tightened his embrace even more but then loosened it, fearing that he'd accidentally crush Raphael. Of course this was a rather irrational thought, seeing as the other was also an archangel, but at the moment Raphael just seemed so small and fragile and... vulnerable. Of course he'd always known that Raphael was much smaller than him, but he'd never really acknowledged it, not until now. The healer felt so very small in his arms, so easy to break. And he'd never want to hurt Raphael.

He swallowed a bit at Raphael's last words. "What is it you've been feeling, then?" he asked, not daring to hope. Hope often ended up being empty in his case, and that always hurt.

...Well. Not daring to hope too much.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is almost too easy... I should regret this but I cannot protect myself...

Raphael nuzzled him, then slid his hands around to the front and clutched Michael's shirt.

"I'm so sorry," he said, choking. "I feel like such a hypocrite. I said such cruel, cruel things about you when... when..."

He lowered his voice to a theatrical whisper.

"I think I love you," he said, breaking off into a sob at the end.

It's too much, too rehearsed, too 'by-the-book,' he's never going to believe it...

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael's heart was singing with joy. He could hardly believe this was actually happening. Here he was, with his arms around Raphael, Raphael holding onto his shirt, and... Raphael actually told he loved him?! He had to be dreaming. Or just hallucinating. This couldn't be happening, it was too perfect.

But it was real, he knew it. Raphael was so very real there in his arms, so very real and right, exactly where he belonged -- in Michael's opinion, anyway. And, no matter how inclined he was to believe that his ears had just deceived him, he knew that Raphael had said exactly what he'd heard the healer saying.

Not really knowing how to react, he did the only thing that came to his mind at the moment. Tightening his embrace again, he brought Raphael firmly against his chest, wanting to hold him there and protect him forever.

"I love you, too, Raphael," he whispered, his voice almost breaking with all the emotions it was carrying. "I love you too."

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

He... bought it? He bought it! But just to be sure...

Raphael fixed him with a tearful gaze.

"You love me? Promise?" His lower lip trembled. "And you'll never leave me, never let me be hurt? Never... never let me Fall?"

He allowed the waterworks to flow freely.

"I don't want to be alone... I don't want us to be separated... don't leave me Michael, don't leave me!" He sobbed and then collapsed...

Just for good measure.

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael's heart froze at Raphael's words. He wanted to promise that, wanted it more than anything, wanted to tell Raphael that everything was fine and that he'd never Fall, ever. However, he knew that he couldn't promise that, and didn't want to lie to Raphael, didn't want to make a promise he couldn't keep.

When Raphael's legs then suddenly gave out under him Michael was startled at first, but then quickly modified embrace around Raphael to hold the other up. He was again startled, this time by the fact just how light Raphael felt in his arms, how small and light and... breakable.

"I'll always love you, Raphael, no matter what," he whispered, meaning every word with his whole heart. "Nothing could ever make me stop loving you. I'll never leave you -- I couldn't, I love you too much to even think about it."

He swallowed a bit, then continued, "Nobody and nothing will ever hurt you, ever, as long as I stand to protect you. I won't allow it, not ever." After another swallow, he finished with a very quiet voice, "And I'll do everything within my power to make sure you never Fall. Everything." Maybe he couldn't promise that he wouldn't Fall. But he could promise that he would not allow it as long as he was still alive to stand between Raphael and Uriel.

"I will never leave you," he whispered, repeating his promise. "Never, Raphael."

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael nodded, letting Michael support him. He inclined his head upwards, parting his lips just slightly.

"That's all I wanted to know," he murmured and reached for Michael, his intent to kiss him obvious.

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael's breath caught in his chest as he realized that Raphael was about to kiss him. For a moment, he was too stunned to do anything. Then he decided that breathing was useless anyway and bent his head down, seeking Raphael's lips with his own.

And then he reached them, placing his mouth over that of the other in a gentle, hesitant kiss.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Perfect

Raphael responded and kissed him gently back, making sure to shiver as he did so. He withdrew gently and slumped.

"I'm sorry... I've just been so worried, I'm a little bit tired."

He closed his eyes and leaned against the archangel.

"But I'm so glad you were willing to forgive me, forgive what I did and said."

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael smiled slightly, one of his hands wandering up to tangle his fingers in Raphael's hair, thoroughly enjoying finally being able to do so. He loved Raphael. Raphael loved him. This was almost too perfect to be true.

"It's quite okay, Raphael," he said softly, looking down at the other angel leaning against him, very much enjoying the feeling of Raphael taking support in him. "There wasn't anything to forgive. It's only natural for you to feel like you did."

And once again he meant every word he said. He had been upset, yes, but never mad at Raphael. He couldn't be, not ever.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael tried to ignore the feeling of the thick fingers in his hair, suppressed a shudder and the desire to yell at him that he was being stupid and pliable.

Instead, he let his eyes flutter open a bit.

"Could I stay with you tonight?" He begged quietly.

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael swallowed, firmly telling his mind not to get overly excited about this question, or the various images that rose into his mind at that. 'He's probably just tired and wants to sleep,' he told himself firmly. 'Emotional exhaustion does that to people.'

But was it really just that? Raphael didn't seem that sleepy in the end... But, on the other hand, he had broken off their kiss rather soon, like he didn't enjoy it. No, that surely couldn't be the reason. Raphael had said that he loved him, right?

Michael sighed. If his hands hadn't been currently occupied with holding Raphael, he most certainly would have run one of them through his hair. Or maybe not. Probably yes, though.

Just how was he supposed to take this? Raphael certainly didn't seem to mind being close to him, anything else. But the last time they'd been this close... That time, Raphael had suddenly become afraid, driving him away.

Raphael had been afraid, afraid of him. And, like he'd told Uriel, Michael didn't want that to happen, not ever. If a couple of kisses were enough to make Raphael freak out, just how would he react if Michael took that outwardly innocent question in the way he so desperately wanted to?

He hesitated for a while. He most certainly couldn't say no, not when he finally had Raphael there, right with him.

He was just about to decide that Raphael just wanted to sleep and opened his mouth to answer positively when he was hit by an overwhelming wave of curiosity. No, not curiosity; it was more like a desperate need to know. He had to know just how Raphael had meant that question. If Raphael truly loved him, surely he'd be forgiven even for asking such a stupid question.

Still, his mouth, which usually blurted out the most inappropriate things before his thoughts could get in the way, didn't seem to work. At last, however, he managed to get it cooperate.

"And -- and in what way do you mean that?" he asked, swallowing. It was only with a great effort that he could force himself to meet Raphael's eyes.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael was nervous, afraid that he'd betrayed himself, his stomach doing flips as he wondered how far he'd have to go and how much trouble he would be in if Michael found out. He was being utterly duplicitious...

But better to be in danger with a guard than not.

He just needed to make sure he kept it up, pulled him in, did whatever it took... to a point, of course, at least at first.

"I want to sleep with you beside me," he said, closing his eyes and rubbing Michael affectionately. "I want you to hold me, whisper me to sleep, be there when I wake up...

I want to be safe in your arms," he said, opening his eyes then reaching up and touching Michael's face.

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael smiled, hoping that it would comfort Raphael at least a bit. The other angel must be very nervous at the moment. He finally untangled his hand from Raphael's hair, bringing it up to cover the much smaller hand currently touching his face.

"You'll always be safe with me, Raphael," he promised quietly, looking into the green eyes, so lovely and exotic. Most angels had blue eyes, but there were always exceptions. Raphael was one of them -- and beautifully so, if one were to ask Michael. "Always."

After a moment of hesitation, he loosened the hold of his other arm, deciding that Raphael most probably could stand on his own already. Hopefully. Then he crouched a bit, scooping the other angel into his arms. Having Raphael there felt oddly familiar, even if he'd only ever held the healer that way once before. Miracling away the chairs that hadn't been needed after all, he then started to carry Raphael towards the bed.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Perfect

Raphael felt Michael carry him over and on to the bed. He sank into it, feeling warm and comfortable. As Michael slid in behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist, Raphael decided to make an effort, just so he could enjoy it more before drifting off.

As it turned out, his body enjoyed it very much.

Caught off guard, Raphael opened his mouth and squeaked in surprise - much to his mortification.

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael felt perfectly content as he slid in behind Raphael, wrapping his arms around the slender waist of the healer. He couldn't remember feeling this content in -- well, at least in the last two millennia. Perhaps more.

And then, suddenly, Raphael squeaked. Michael was startled at the sudden sound. "...Raphael?" he asked after a moment of hesitation. "Are you quite all right?"

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael felt a blush, this time unbidden, spring to his cheeks.

"I'm fine," he said in a slightly strangled voice. "Fine... I just need some sleep..."

He closed his eyes but didn't make the effort vanish.

"Tell me a story?"

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael was relieved to hear that everything was all right with Raphael, even thoght the other's voice did sound a bit strange. Then, however, he blinked in surprise. Tell a story to Raphael? Well, that was certainly an unexpected request. But, he'd do whatever it took to make Raphael more comfortable.

He went through his memory for some appropriate story. For a moment he couldn't remember any -- well, any that would have suited Raphael's tastes, anyway. Most of the stories he knew were about battles and warriors -- he couldn't help being what he was, after all -- and he somehow didn't think Raphael would much like those.

Wait a minute. There was this one story he'd heard once somewhere on Earth. There was a definite threat of violence, but none was actually committed, and the hero of the story became a doctor in the end so...

"Well, once upon a time, there were a poor woodcutter and his son," he started. "And one day, they went to the woods to get some wood to sell, because they needed the money. The boy wanted to help his father, so the woodcutter borrowed another axe from his neighbour."

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael nodded as Michael's voice drifted over him. His eyes were closed and his body calmed down as he listened.

He nodded absently, moving in closer to Michael.

"Go on..."

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael smiled quietly to himself as he felt Raphael moving a bit closer.

"At noon the boy said, 'I'll go to see my lunch a bit further to see if there's more good wood there.' His father told him to go ahead, and so he went.

"The boy sat down under the tree, happily eating his rather small meal. Then, suddenly, he heard a voice. The voice, very quiet, was saying, 'Let me out! Let me out!'

"The boy looked around himself and noticed a small bottle between the roots of the tree he was sitting under. The voice seemed to be coming from the bottle. As he picked up the bottle, he saw a tiny figure inside it, still shouting, 'Let me out!' And, of course, he took away the stopper.

"In an instant, the figure inside grew out of the bottle. It formed a very formidable man, almost as tall as the trees. With a booming voice, it said, 'You have left me out after three thousand years of imprisonment. And, for that, I'll have to cut your head off.' The creature -- a spirit or demon of some kind -- showed the boy a very sharp sword.

"'But what!" exclaimed the boy. 'Shouldn't I get a reward?'"

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael began to feel muddled and didn't hear words, only the sound of Michael's voice. He felt a twitch of guilt as Michael continued to speak; the angel cared and he was using that...

But he had to. Had to, there was no other way to stay safe.

He did his best to forget and relax. The red-head nodded sleepily but exhaustion was swiftly overtaking him.

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael felt Raphael relaxed. Once again he was overcome with a deep feeling of contentment.

"'When I was first imprisoned, I did swear to richly reward whoever released me,' the demon replied," he continued his story. "However, as years went on, I became bitter. When a thousand years had come by, I promised to let them go, and when another thousand years went, I vowed to kill them. And thus, I now have to take your head.'"

"'I don't think you're such a mighty spirit,' the boy said. 'You probably couldn't even put yourself back into that bottle!'

"'Of course I can,' replied the demon, and instantly shrunk himself, returning to the bottle. However, the boy was quick, and put a stopper on the bottle, imprisoning it again.

"Immediately the demon began whining, 'Let me out! Let me out!' over and over again.

"'Why should I?' asked the boy. 'You would only kill me!'

"'I promise I won't harm a hair on your head if you let me free again,' the demon pleaded. 'I will give you a rich reward!'

"The boy thought about this for a moment, then decided to trust the creature. He took off the stopper, and the demon returned to its enormous size. It then handed the boy a small piece of cloth.

"'This has a mighty power within it,' it told him. 'If you touch any metal with this end,' it pointed at one end of the cloth, 'it will become silver. However, if you touch anybody with the other end, all their wounds and illnesses will be healed.' And after this, it disappeared.

"The boy was eager to try this. He touched the head of his axe with the cloth, exactly like the demon had showed him. He then ran back to his father. 'Father, look!' he shouted, striking the nearest tree with his axe. However, the silver axe bent under the pressure.

"'Oh, you poor boy,' exclaimed the father, 'what will I do with you? Now I'll have to pay for that axe and where will I get the money for that?'

"'I'm sorry, Father,' the boy said. 'I'll take it to the town and see if I can still get a couple of coins for it.' His father agreed, as he couldn't cut wood anymore anyway. And so he wnet to the town, where he sold the silver head of the axe for more money than his father had ever even seen.

"Ever since they lived on happily. Never did they wish for anything, for they had everything they needed. And the boy became a famous doctor who was known to be able to heal any wound and illness a human might get."

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael never heard the end of the story since by then he had drifted off entirely. The last thing he felt before sinking into unconsciousness was the senstation of Michael's arms around him.

Perhaps he was in danger. Perhaps they both were, given that neither knew how to curb their emotions - Michael for him, his towards Pestilence. But no matter how awful the future might be, no matter what it held - he felt safe.

For the moment.

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael smiled quietly to himself as he noticed that Raphael had fallen asleep. He then closed his own eyes, enjoying the feel of a warm body in his arms, letting himself fall asleep as well.

And he felt more content than ever in the last two thousand years.