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[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Date: January 14, 2000
Setting: Tadfield Manor, Michael's Room
Status: Private - Raphael, Michael
Summary: Raph gets worried - and slides a few more notches down the ladder.



Raphael looked in the mirror at his reflection, trying to work up the nerve to do what he had to do. His arguments with Crowley and Pestilence simply went to prove that he had few, if any, allies in the entrapping mansion... save for one.

Michael.

Michael, he realized upon reflection, could be his answer. The angel was obsessed; and Raphael knew how far an obsessed lover could go. Frankie and Eliza were proof of that. Suffice it to say that he didn't actually feel anything for the angel; though he had to admit he was attractive, it did not go deeper. He did not love Michael...

But surely, it could not be so difficult to convince him that he did, not when Michael wanted to believe it.

Raphael wanted assurance, protection... the muscle he didn't have against the numerous supernatural entities he loathed. And Michael, once properly smitten and taken in, would do whatever he asked. Everybody implied that they were dating anyway. Nobody would find it amiss. And he would be safe with Michael as his shield.

His hair was shining perfectly, his robe was dazzling. He made sure to look slightly paler than normal, slightly more vulnerable.

He left his room, walked to Michael's and knocked on the door.

Comments

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael stepped aside to allow Raphael into the room, still feeling a bit dazed. As he glanced around, he realized that there was nothing in the room for Raphael to sit on... except for the bed. He quickly fought down the blush that threatened to show up immediately as various thoughts involving Raphael on his bed invaded his mind.

Miracling a couple of chairs, he forced himself to sound somewhat calm as he said, "Sit down, please." Then, never being one to be much in control of his actions -- especially when he should have -- he blurted out, "What did you want to talk about?", without even giving Raphael time to sit down first.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael slid up close to him, ignored the chairs and touched a button on Michael's shirt before looking up at him.

"You changed your hair." He paused. "I don't much like it..." He sucked in an unnecessary breath, looked at his hands and fidgeted. "I think I might have been unnecessarily short with you the other night..."

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

As usual, Michael said the first thing that came to his mind. "I can change it back if you want me to." And he would. He'd himself rather liked the change, noticing that he was truly getting rid of his little habit as there was no longer a wealth of hair for his hand to grasp on, his hair too short to get a proper grip on. But if Raphael really disliked it, he would change it in an instant.

He was starting to feel a bit... well, bothered having Raphael standing so close to him. And he really didn't know how to react to the other's words.

"...How so?" he finally managed to ask.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael looked down and willed tears to brim.

"It's just that I've been so confused lately, so scared, I'm not really sure what I'm feeling.

I'm frightened, Michael," he said looking up at him, letting the tears spill. "And... and I took it out on you when that's not what I wanted to do at all."

He sniffed and drew closer.

"Would you change it back? I find the familiarity comforting."

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael felt his heart breaking as he saw Raphael's tears. This was the last thing ever he wanted to see. Raphael shouldn't be crying. This was just wrong.

"Please don't cry, Raphael," he said quietly, feeling very awkward. With a brief thought he allowed his hair to grow until he felt it reaching his hips. With a shift of his head he tried to adjust to the sudden weight on the back of his head. If it could make Raphael cry one tear less, it'd be worth it.

Hesitating a bit at first, he finally collected his courage. (Usually he was very brave, but something in Raphael always made him feel rather hesitant. It was probably because he actually cared what Raphael thought about him.) Very carefully he reached out his arms and wrapped them around the other angel, drawing him even closer to himself.

"Don't cry, Raphael," he murmured in what he hoped was a comforting way, feeling deep agony in his heart at the tears that just continued falling. "There's no reason for you to be scared."

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

That's right you big, guillible meat-head, buy it then come back for more...

Raphael leaned into Michael's embrace and wept.

"This place is awful Michael. It feels like nobody cares, everybody thinks I'm going to Fall, wants me to Fall... I want to go home, Michael, home to a place that's loving and safe." He clutched Michael. "And I'm so afraid of what I've been feeling..."

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael tightened his embrace around Raphael, holding the weeping healer tightly against his chest. He still felt tearing agony insider himself at the other's tears, but at the same time if felt so wonderful, so right to have Raphael in his arms at last.

"You're wrong, Raphael," he murmured, bending his head down to place a light kiss on the wavy copper hair. It seemed to shine even more than usually. "I do care about you. And I definitely don't want you to Fall -- I'd never want that."

For a second he tightened his embrace even more but then loosened it, fearing that he'd accidentally crush Raphael. Of course this was a rather irrational thought, seeing as the other was also an archangel, but at the moment Raphael just seemed so small and fragile and... vulnerable. Of course he'd always known that Raphael was much smaller than him, but he'd never really acknowledged it, not until now. The healer felt so very small in his arms, so easy to break. And he'd never want to hurt Raphael.

He swallowed a bit at Raphael's last words. "What is it you've been feeling, then?" he asked, not daring to hope. Hope often ended up being empty in his case, and that always hurt.

...Well. Not daring to hope too much.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is almost too easy... I should regret this but I cannot protect myself...

Raphael nuzzled him, then slid his hands around to the front and clutched Michael's shirt.

"I'm so sorry," he said, choking. "I feel like such a hypocrite. I said such cruel, cruel things about you when... when..."

He lowered his voice to a theatrical whisper.

"I think I love you," he said, breaking off into a sob at the end.

It's too much, too rehearsed, too 'by-the-book,' he's never going to believe it...