(no subject)

[ineffable-angel.livejournal.com]

Date: May 14, 2000
Setting: Front desk
Status: Private - Crowley, Aziraphale
Summary: Aziraphale is getting restless.






The thing was, Aziraphale was tired. He was exhausted of pushing paper and writing notes, performing only the barest miracles and human interaction at a minimum. He missed his old life (not that this one didn't have his perks) where he got to go out and have delicious food prepared by internationally famous chefs with expensive wines and Crowley's drunken company. He thought of their philosophical conversations that let him lay worries and fears out in a roundabout way, holes in his belief, and replenish that faith, and the angel realized, suddenly, how much he did miss them.

The Manor was becoming too familiar, and Aziraphale itched to leave, go out and have fun. He was finished in four minutes, exactly, and it would be easy to go and ask Crowley about the possibility of reenacting their old habits and finding new haunts. Aziraphale didn't even know the names of the pubs in Tadfield, after all. It was a tragedy.

Comments

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

"Oh, don't be stupid, angel. You've been eating kippers for centuries. What the hell is up with you lately? Leave your brain back in London?"

[ineffable-angel.livejournal.com]

"Hardly, my dear. And when was the last time I had kippers, anyway?"

Aziraphale sighed. "Sorry," he said. "There's some girl off to your left scrutinizing me, and it's a bit distracting, to be honest. Reminds me of- well, no one really, an old friend, but she's been there for a bit."

The black-haired girl turned away, her green eyes disappearing as she looked down, but Aziraphale had thought, for a moment, entirely out of context and setting (hardly the American civil war!), that he'd known her. But no, Mistress O'Hara had been far more striking.

He shook his head. "Think I'm must be getting a bit drunk, actually. How much have we gone through?"

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

"August," replied Crowley promptly. "Right after you got out of hospital. I watched you eat them."

He turned to glare at the young woman in question, but she'd looked away. It was all right, though. She'd find the half a roach in her salad soon enough.

Looking back to peer at the wine bottle, Crowley shrugged. "Haven't been paying attention."

[ineffable-angel.livejournal.com]

Aziraphale smiled a little at the memory. "I'd forgotten about that, actually. You were such a dear."

The angel poured himself another glass, filling Crowley's again. "Right, that means we need more. Mm, this is lovely, a deep sort of fruity. Wonderful legs on this wine."

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

Crowley snorted. "If you're going to call me a dear, then you're damn straight we need more."

He sipped at his drink. "'s good. Not like a Babylonian, though. I don't think we'll ever have wine like that again."

[ineffable-angel.livejournal.com]

He sighed, despondently. "No, no, never those wines. Although I do think the French taste a bit more cultured."

A beat.

"The French wines."

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

Crowley laughed. "Since when did you start picking up on subtext? I could have teased you for days on that one..."

[ineffable-angel.livejournal.com]

"I read." The angel smiled. "One sort of has to, in my business. Although perhaps the question is, 'What have I been reading lately'?"

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

A raised eyebrow with maybe just the hint of innuendo-laden smirk. "Oh yes? What have you been reading lately?"

[ineffable-angel.livejournal.com]

"We are not nearly drunk enough for this conversation," Aziraphale told him primly.

"Although, and I will say this, for what used to be a Satanic hospital, one must wonder at the nuns' choice in reading material... ? Really, my dear, is it all simply hyperbole?"

He was, of course, recurring to the very arcane texts of the sexual habits of demons. Inspired, possibly, by the legions of Incubae, or in several cases, Succubae?

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

Well this was a promising turn. Conversations that made Aziraphale turn that colour and demand alcohol were always amusing. Crowley drained his glass and refilled it. "I can try. Is what all hyperbole?"

[ineffable-angel.livejournal.com]

The angel drank another glass, too, then looked up at the question.

"Hmm?" he said, and then, "Er. Oh, it's, er..." He squeaked. "It's really, really... inappropriate, to discuss here, wouldn't you say?"

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

The demon's lips curled up provocatively. "No. I wouldn't say." Crowley didn't think that anything was inappropriate.

[ineffable-angel.livejournal.com]

Aziraphale sighed. "Of course, I should have known that... Well, there were some wonderful stories about snakes. Snake-demons, actually."

He looked askance at Crowley, and blurted, "Is it true about snakes?"

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

"Is what true?" asked Crowley exasperatedly. "I can't tell you unless you explain yourself."

[ineffable-angel.livejournal.com]

Bugger.

He hated being indiscreet. How on Earth had he got onto this subject anyway?

Aziraphale glanced at Crowley's waiting face, arms crossed, noting body expression. Waiting for his explanation. Impatient.

Bugger.

The tips of his ears were already bright red, his fair skin glowing. What else did he have to lose?*

"I- well you have to understand that these books are, rather, er... focussed on the anatomy of-" Bugger! "I just- er."

He cleared his throat and plunged on, gaze averted from Crowley's own. "Is it true that demons have two, ah, cocks? Snakes, er, the male ones... I mean, I didn't really buy into it, the other whole flaming sword phallic symbol literalization bit, fire being horrible and probably in so sensitive an area! But they just had a lot of, er... illustrations. For the snake thing. I would have, er, noticed, for you of course, but..."

The angel stared at the table. He was never going to live this down.

*Although commenting on, er, the subject of tonight's discussion may prove cataclysmic for the rest of the night's events, it was possibly really very difficult to destroy either of their libidos for long.

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

By the end of the speech, Crowley was laughing so hard he couldn't sit up straight.

"Kinky, angel," he managed. "Been feeling adventurousss, lately? Should I be flattered that you were looking me up? And down as the case may be?"

He chuckled. "But if you must know, snakes do have 'two, ah, cocks'. So, when I'm a snake, I do, too. They're internal when not in use, though, so you won't have seen them. As for demons, you know as well as I do that for us, size, shape, and composition, are simply options. I wouldn't doubt that someone, somewhere has experimented with it, but I don't think it's a trend. I've gotta see these books you've been reading, though."

Crowley leaned across the table and leered. "What would you say if I tried it now?"

[ineffable-angel.livejournal.com]

"Kinky? I am not-!" he broke off when Crowley - well, actually, there was no other word for it - leered at him.

Um.

"IthinkIreturnedmostofthemtothelibrary," he squeaked, realizing Crowley was waiting on an answer, and then cleared his throat. He hadn't heard anything that high since visiting the Vienna Boys Choir. "ButImayhaveafew." The angel coughed. "They were more lurid than anatomical, my dear."

Trouble concentrating. Far too many mental images. And damn that snake... thing!*

He sucked in a breath, trying to calm his half-humiliation, half-something entirely else. "I'd say I was quite happy with the current size and shape, actually," he murmured, refusing to look up. "Are- are we going to have s- dessert?"

Aziraphale wondered, momentarily, if it was possible to discorporate oneself out of embarrassment. He hoped not.


*While Aziraphale considered himself the vanilla sort of type, or chocolate, or whatever one called it, he also rather liked snakes. It was amazing to him that Crowley had yet to discover this, but sometimes Aziraphale was not so sure it was entirely secret.

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

"I want to sssee them," hissed Crowley happily. "And of course they're lurid. I'd be disappointed if you were looking up purely anatomical porn. That'd be like looking up 'penis' in the encyclopedia just for the titillation. We can find you much better stuff than that."

The demon grinned widely. Every male likes to know that his partner finds him adequate size-wise. "I was thinking both, actually. Posssibly at the sssame time. How about we get that cheesecake to go..."

[ineffable-angel.livejournal.com]

Aziraphale smiled tentatively back, entirely unsure of what he'd just gotten himself into. (Not that it could be anything bad, really. He trusted Crowley not to- well. They'd have fun, wouldn't they?)

He searched for words again. The word 'porn' had momentarily derailed his train of thought, which wasn't entirely solid on its rails to begin with. It was understandable, maybe, since he could count on one hand the times he'd heard that word said in his presence, and every single time with Crowley. (Damn him - or would that be a redundant statement?)

It took perhaps a moment for the angel to organize himself adequately, to yank himself out of his thoughts. "Chocolate sauce?" the angel came up with, and bit his lip. "Er, I mean, if it was possible... With the cheesecake. I wouldn't be too adverse."

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes. They'd have fun all right...

"I was thinking rassspberry," replied Crowley, grinning like the snake that got the cream, "but chocolate works too."

[ineffable-angel.livejournal.com]

Again he looked for words to say. Looked for them somewhere else than the inexorable twist to Crowley's mouth, that reminded him of all the things that demon could do with said mouth.

"...Both?" It was inaudible. He cleared his throat and tried again. "We could... chocolate and raspberry... but how do we- ? Um."

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

"How?" asked Crowley surprised. "Who knows? But it'll be fun to find out... Grab the waiter, angel, and let's go."

[ineffable-angel.livejournal.com]

Aziraphale hailed the waiter, a glimmer in his eyes as he asked the waiter if he would be a dear and fetch their dessert to go, chocolate and raspberry sauce drizzled on cheesecake, with a cherry or two on the side, and the cheque. The waiter, unused to having anyone under the age of fifty refer to him as 'dear', only gave Crowley the most quizzical of looks before dashing off.

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

Having his card ready when the waiter returned, Crowley "paid" in record time, snatched up the to go box, grabbed Aziraphale's wrist and pulled him to his feet. They were in the Bentley in seconds and hurtling down the road at great speed back to the Manor when Crowley suddenly pulled over and stopped the car in a remote location five minutes outside of town. He turned to the angel and smiled recklessly.

"C'mon."