[identity profile] leucemic-god.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] neutral_omens
Time: April 10, 2001
Place: Hospital Wing
Status: Public (Loki, Sphinx ... others? - Complete)
Summary: Loki remembers. (I wish he had memories of Belial as well.)



The books couldn't hold his attention today and he was feeling too tired and sick to read much anyway. Instead his thoughts kept drifting off to the past. Not the far past as they often did, but a rather recent one. It took him a while to figure out what he'd subconsciously known all along. Today was April the tenth, the first anniversary of the day he'd first arrived at the manor. Rarely before had he spent so long in the same place and yet the memories were so fresh in his mind.

It was as if it had only been yesterday that he'd first arrived in Lower Tadfield in his search for Odin hoping to spend some time with his favourite brother before he died. He remembered getting out of the taxi, his first meeting with Ezra ... He hadn't even recognised him as a not-god back then. Ah but good old Ezra had given him directions to Odin's room, now his, and then he'd discovered Newt, his favourite toy who'd become his key into the room and the origin of so much fun later on.

He hadn't seen Newt in a long time, though, no matter how fresh the memories. Anathema had mentioned something about a convention, but it had been so long. Loki wondered whether he'd ever see Newt again. Not that he'd been too pleased with the foolish human after that last incident in the bathroom, but in hindsight it had been hilarious and really, he'd have liked a chance to say good bye.

He remembered the joy of seeing Odin again, of no longer being alone, of running with Sleipnir for the last time, hanging out with Geri and Freki ... But there had also been Odin's suspicious questions, the constant struggle to hide his condition. He remembered the arguments as swell as that one time when Odin had held him after his nightmare. He'd lied about what he'd seen in his dream and for once Odin had bought it.
Then there was the embarrassing incident when he'd been arrested by the Upper Tadfield police and Odin had nicked Crowley's car. They still owed the demon that favour that now most likely would remain forever unpaid, but oh what a ride it had been! His last best memories of Odin.
He wished now that he'd found a way to avoid drinking at Frigga Blot so he'd have been able to keep a clear memory of that last party together, but he hadn't realised how badly the mead would affect him then and he'd thought they still had time. An now it was too late, Odin long gone never to return and Sleipnir, Freki, Geri, Munin and Hugin with him just as he children were gone and all connections with the Aesir.

Of course, until a little while ago there'd been Uriel. Oh how he'd hated Odin's new brother at first, how they'd fought. He remembered Odin knocking their heads together, the row they'd had over Uriel's abuse of the ravens and his triumph as Uriel revealed the news of her pregnancy and how she'd been deserted by the child's father Pestilence, another almost family member he'd never met. He still wondered whether the personification had raped his sister, but War didn't think it possible and she knew him well. Pestilence had liked rats, Uriel had said. Perhaps Loki would have liked him, too.

And it had been Uriel who'd helped him when he'd gotten so dizzy at the Frigga Blot. She'd taken him back to his room and they'd slept side by side in Odin's bed. She'd meant everything to him after Odin had left. His last connection with his family, the promise of the new baby, little Bran whom he'd never seen in the end, and his last hope to see Odin again. Now she was gone as well there was nothing here for Odin to return to, nothing except Loki, weak alone and abandoned to die. Odin would not be back, nor would Uriel. Like Newt he would never see them again.

There were less painful memories, though the ones they were of were gone as well, but Loki had not cared about Raziel, the not-god he'd misdirected into the basement. She'd never come back up causing Loki to wonder whether she hadn't found what she'd been looking for there after all. That hadn't been his intention.

Then there'd been Hermes, the Greek thief who'd wandered by, stayed a while and apparently disappeared again. It had been nice to see a fellow god around, but they were of different pantheons and had never been close. Good bye, Hermes. Best of luck wherever you are now. Loki smiled to himself, just a touch bitterly.

Pollution had been fun and from what Loki had heard he was still about, but apparently he'd taken the little caper in Uriel's room badly. They hadn't talked since, which was a pity. He'd have liked to make friends, but then friends left you in the end and that hurt a lot more than a friendship ending before it had really begun. It was for the best, Loki assumed.

There was Binky, Sleipnir's horse companion who'd turned out to belong to Death himself. Loki was glad that Death no longer seemed to be around, though he suspected he'd meet him again soon enough. The horse had remained at the stables, though, at least until the last time Loki had been strong enough to make it out there to visit. He wondered whether Binky missed him and Sleipnir. Horses weren't made to be all alone. Maybe, if he managed to escape Binky's master, he'd get to see the horse again someday. It didn't feel very likely right now, though.

He'd also found out that Horus was here that day. Loki turned his head to look at the empty sky outside the window. He'd have to sit up in order to see anything else and he didn't quite feel up to it right now, but then maybe ... But no, no silhouette of anything even remotely resembling a hawk in the sky above the manor. He hadn't caught even a glimpse of Horus in so long. Perhaps the bird had left as well, but maybe, hopefully it was due to his illness keeping him inside all the time and Horus was still out there. He could be sitting in a tree smoothing his feathers right now unaware that Loki was in here thinking of him.

Adam would know. Loki shuddered at the memory of the boy with his unnatural power over gods. No, he didn't want to know that much. He was quite happy to only have talked with him once. Could have done without even that experience, but on the other hand he was at least warned now.

His mind drifted again and a hazy memory of a talking dog and a man he hadn't liked for some reason came to him. Who ... Oh right, the man had seemed too close to Odin, though his fears that he was yet another blood-brother had turned out to be unfounded. And the doggie had been nice and soft. It had to be a memory from the Frigga Blot, Loki decided, though it somehow was entangled with another one of a girl whose hair-colour kept changing, red butterflies, a Viking ship and Freki turning pink for some reason.

He'd been really sick that day, though Freki had remained pink even after the fever had gone down again. John had carried him to bed that day. Another bittersweet smile. He'd trusted John so much then, had almost felt as close to him as he had to his brother and sister, maybe closer in a way, for he'd trusted John with a secret he hadn't shared with anybody else. There was something about John that made one want to trust him, to befriend him and they'd had some wonderful times in their hideout in the attic. John hadn't even minded his awful paintings on the walls. But then trusting John, too had been a mistake. He'd been Crowley's first and foremost and if he should have learned one lesson in his life it was that one shouldn't befriend ones enemy's friend. Nothing good ever came from it and in the end John had chosen Crowley's side over his friendship as Loki should have known he would. Oh sure, John was making nice again now that he was most likely dying, but that changed nothing. If he had to choose again, he'd choose Crowley and Loki couldn't allow himself to forget it for one moment. Better to keep his distance in the first place and not be hurt again.

Crowley had been trouble from the start. First he'd threatened to incinerate the poor darling wolves for no good reason, then there'd been the incident with Newt and that poor kitten Crowley was keeping prisoner in his bathroom ... At least Loki had been able to save Ezra from him, even if Ellie had made him give the kitty back.

Ellie was a bit of a mystery. Loki had stayed away from her at first, because Odin had made hints that they were shagging, but she was a damn attractive woman and Odin was gone now. If he'd still trust his performance, maybe he'd go and try his luck with her, but then he was too weak to leave the hospital wing, the doctor had said the treatments had probably rendered him infertile and he wasn't sure where to find Ellie. Or maybe he just didn't want to know.

But yes, he'd saved Ezra from Crowley and helped get him the library job, though he'd had help from another frequent library visitor for that. He'd liked quiet unassuming Remus from the start and perhaps they could have been friends, but then after John and Uriel and Odin he really didn't feel like befriending anyone right now. Surely Remus had friends of his own and he'd only get hurt again.

And Loki still had War. She wasn't really a friend either, which made her safe to keep around. She was just ... War was memories of old, of travelling with Odin, of battlefields. And she was someone who understood Loki and his worries. He could talk abut things with her that he couldn't mention to anybody else. Besides she sure knew how to choose the right books to cheer one up. It had been a lucky day for Loki when War had landed her jet in the manor gardens. Neat jet, too, though it wouldn't be Loki's first choice for a ride.

Another not really friend that was still there was Bast. Their relationship was a lot more distant than that with War, though. Bast was a cat and when in her proper shape an adorable bundle of warm brown fur that loved cream and petting and would reward those things with sweet, lovely purring. Loki on the other hand loved petting and carrying soft furry things and adored purring. It had been very lucky that Uriel had been on hand to rescue Bast from the wolves and adopt her that day. Though now that Uriel was gone, would Bast be happy enough in her abandoned room to stay? Loki was willing to offer all the cuddling and petting she might want, but Anathema didn't like it when he took animals into his bed and would probably forbid her moving in.

He sighed and once again wished that Uriel were still here. Why oh why had she agreed to go with the Doctor in his stolen blue police box? Loki had never trusted that alien thief for a moment, but foolish Uriel had fallen for him head over heels. Stupid Box-Thief with stupid Tin-Thing that he claimed to be a dog. Oh, if only he hadn't been too sick to protect her properly!

Then again, maybe Mictain had been the one behind the plot. That stupid not-god had been after poor little Bran from the start and Loki's feeble attempt at protection hadn't impressed him much. It hadn't impressed Loki himself much either, though he'd found out that he liked the taste of blood that way. Or at least he had liked it then. Mouth sores caused everything he ate to taste like blood these days and he was sick and tired of the taste by now.

His most pathetic fight had been the one against Shadow, though. Imagine having to be saved by one's heavily pregnant sister! And Shadow was actually their nephew in a way. He'd calmed down after that first fight and their next encounter had been almost friendly, but Loki wasn't sure where he stood with Shadow. Too many contradictions in that one's behaviour. When it came down to it, Loki liked the damn bastard, but was probably not a good idea to admit it out loud. Fuck it, there was the connection with his family he wanted so much right there! only Shadow had denied them again and again and he had a particular grudge against Loki. All because of a woman that had been no good for him anyway.

Relationships with animals were so much more uncomplicated than with humans. Loki wondered whether the big black doggie he'd used to play fetch with still remembered him. He'd never learned the dog's name or found out who he belonged to, but he considered him one of his better friends. Oh, if only he could go outside and see his animal friends one last time! He hadn't even said proper good byes.

He tried to console himself with thoughts of his more recent acquaintances. At least they wouldn't desert him because of his condition. There was the no doubt cute, though he'd never seen her in her real shape, Sphinx he'd promised his bones as room decorations to, the beautiful, but annoying Anathema who kept nagging at him that he needed to eat and take his medicines, the mysterious and quiet Gabriel that he sometimes thought had no emotions at all, Bill, the wizard curse breaker that Anathema had hired especially for him allegedly on the recommendations of Luna. Not that he'd seen much of Luna since their first meeting on the manor grounds hen he'd been too busy with Horus to pay her much attention. She was still around, though.

And then of course there was the weirdest not-god of them all, the Metatron, who'd apparently finally decided to take his advice and actually try to get to know people. Loki had no idea where he stood with that one. His actions and motivations were absolutely weird. Loki wasn't used to not understanding others' motivations. It made him feel terribly vulnerable and lost. Of course if Odin were here to cover his back ...

But Odin wasn't here anymore and normally Loki wouldn't be either. Normally he was just as much a vagabond as the rest of his family and perhaps this was the fist time that he'd been the one left behind to watch how things could change over the space of a year. He wished he could turn back time.

Date: 2007-05-11 05:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chantinellie.livejournal.com
Ellie watched the proceedings somewhat dubiously. This has all the makings of a cheesy slapstick comedy routine, she thought, carefully schooling the slight smirk off her face...

Date: 2007-05-12 07:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theban-sphinx.livejournal.com
Sphix turned the box over, and the rat fell into the box, letting out a squek. It turned around in the box, staring in the corner, then up. It wasn't very big, as rat's went. It had dark fur, and it looked scared and confused.

Date: 2007-05-14 03:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theban-sphinx.livejournal.com
Sphix crouched quickly to get the lid, but too late; by the time she straigthened up again, the rat had managed to get over his initial confusion and readied himself to jump. The sphinx slammed the piece or cardboard on its place, but the rodent was already gone, running towards the other side of the room.

Sphix turned around to face Loki, infuriated. "I thought I told you to put it in place! What are you, deaf?"

Date: 2007-05-16 02:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chantinellie.livejournal.com
Ellie pragmatically pulled her feet up on the bed (she wasn't scared of rats, but didn't particularly want one running over her feet either.) "You okay, hon?" she said to Loki, then peered after the rodent with a slight thoughtful frown. "Now where did he hightail it to...we better get him back in the box before Anathema or the Snob find out."

Date: 2007-05-18 05:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theban-sphinx.livejournal.com
"Excuses", Sphix breathed, but edge of her anger was gone; there wasn't any harm done, she had seen the rat - even if it had been very briefly - like she had intended to. "No, I didn't get the rat, thanks to you. It ran away." A thought occurred to her, and she grinned. "So, as far as I am concerned, it is now completely your problem.."

"And you can get the rat back in the box all you want", Sphix added to Ellie. "It was difficult enough the first time around, but who am I to tell you not to try?"

Date: 2007-05-20 07:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chantinellie.livejournal.com
Ellie raised an eyebrow eloquently. "Well. Pest control isn't exactly my specialty, but..." She waved a hand negligently, calling into being a slice of bread thickly spread with chunky peanut butter. "I've been told there's not a rodent on earth that can resist this stuff. Here, lemme see that box, Loki."

Date: 2007-05-23 02:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chantinellie.livejournal.com
Ellie took the box and walked (silently--she could lurk with the best of them, when it suited her purposes) to a spot near where the rat had disappeared, set the bread on the floor, and tilted the box at an angle over it. Nothing so crude as a stick and string required here; she left the box with instructions to notice the laws of physics again as soon as the rat was underneath, and returned to her spot near Loki. "There, that ought to do it."

Date: 2007-05-26 08:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theban-sphinx.livejournal.com
"Good luck with waiting", Sphix said. "Do you have any idea how long it took that rat to go under the box the first time around?. If you think it is stupid enough to not to be at least wary now, think again." She remembered the feeling she had got of the rats earlier, and for all this particular rodent had looked completely ordinary and hadn't raised any reason for worry, she couldn't quite get rid of the sense that there was something unusual about the rats. The last thing she was going to do was underestimate one of them.

Date: 2007-05-31 05:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chantinellie.livejournal.com
Ellie diplomatically refrained from mentioning that the lack of a very large, fierce predator jealously guarding her lair would probably make for a more relaxed rat. Loki generally came across about as threatening as Elmo. "Well, we'll see. Anyway, I need to finish my snob-hunt, but is there anything I can get you, Loki? Puzzles or a Gameboy or something? It must get awfully tiresome staring at the walls in here..."
From: [identity profile] chantinellie.livejournal.com
As it happened, Ellie didn't have one lying around, but even in a backwater like Lower Tadfield, there was no shortage of young gamer geeks who did and who could be enticed to part with one, given the right form of persuasion. For whatever reason, she had developed an intense dislike of the idea of anyone being stuck alone in an empty place, and was glad to help if she could (within reason.) "It might take a day or two, but it's no trouble." She smiled and rose. "Hang in there, okay? Oh, and Sphix, we should do lunch or something soon.

"Have fun rat-watching, you two..."

Date: 2007-06-05 07:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theban-sphinx.livejournal.com
“Lunch?” Sphix repeated. She would have been irritated for Ellie revealing her name like that, but the prospect of food was sufficiently distracting. “Lunch sounds delicious. Much more interesting than some pesky rodent. And I don’t care whether anyone catches him or not, there are plenty of other ones back in the cellar. I have better things to do than spend time with them. Unlike some.” She was quiet for a while, leaned against the wall. When Ellie had left, she added: “But I guess you have little else to do, Loki. So I wonder… If you really are as bored as you claim to be, why don’t you just go somewhere else? Or better yet, die already?”

Date: 2007-06-07 07:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theban-sphinx.livejournal.com
“How typical”, Sphix said. “She is clever, isn’t she? A mortal, telling people what to do?” She still wanted to shock Anathema, but somehow, the woman always seemed to be able to handle the situation. That, of course, called for some respect, and she had promised Anathema a favour for winning the game. But that hardly meant she had to respect the mortal’s wishes. And Loki would be dead faster…

“Perhaps I could offer you assistance in getting out of here”, the sphinx suggested after a moment of thinking. “Of course, that would mean you owe me something. I can take your bones as payment.”

Date: 2007-06-08 07:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theban-sphinx.livejournal.com
"More bones? I accept that offer. Provided I haven't found a better place to spend time in, of course." She wasn't certain how she could get Loki out of the hospital wing, though, if no one was to see them leave. Perhaps some distraction would be in order... Or a disguise. If it was necessary. "Why would you have to sneak? You are a god. You should be able to come and go as you will."

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