[identity profile] leucemic-god.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] neutral_omens
Time: April 10, 2001
Place: Hospital Wing
Status: Public (Loki, Sphinx ... others? - Complete)
Summary: Loki remembers. (I wish he had memories of Belial as well.)



The books couldn't hold his attention today and he was feeling too tired and sick to read much anyway. Instead his thoughts kept drifting off to the past. Not the far past as they often did, but a rather recent one. It took him a while to figure out what he'd subconsciously known all along. Today was April the tenth, the first anniversary of the day he'd first arrived at the manor. Rarely before had he spent so long in the same place and yet the memories were so fresh in his mind.

It was as if it had only been yesterday that he'd first arrived in Lower Tadfield in his search for Odin hoping to spend some time with his favourite brother before he died. He remembered getting out of the taxi, his first meeting with Ezra ... He hadn't even recognised him as a not-god back then. Ah but good old Ezra had given him directions to Odin's room, now his, and then he'd discovered Newt, his favourite toy who'd become his key into the room and the origin of so much fun later on.

He hadn't seen Newt in a long time, though, no matter how fresh the memories. Anathema had mentioned something about a convention, but it had been so long. Loki wondered whether he'd ever see Newt again. Not that he'd been too pleased with the foolish human after that last incident in the bathroom, but in hindsight it had been hilarious and really, he'd have liked a chance to say good bye.

He remembered the joy of seeing Odin again, of no longer being alone, of running with Sleipnir for the last time, hanging out with Geri and Freki ... But there had also been Odin's suspicious questions, the constant struggle to hide his condition. He remembered the arguments as swell as that one time when Odin had held him after his nightmare. He'd lied about what he'd seen in his dream and for once Odin had bought it.
Then there was the embarrassing incident when he'd been arrested by the Upper Tadfield police and Odin had nicked Crowley's car. They still owed the demon that favour that now most likely would remain forever unpaid, but oh what a ride it had been! His last best memories of Odin.
He wished now that he'd found a way to avoid drinking at Frigga Blot so he'd have been able to keep a clear memory of that last party together, but he hadn't realised how badly the mead would affect him then and he'd thought they still had time. An now it was too late, Odin long gone never to return and Sleipnir, Freki, Geri, Munin and Hugin with him just as he children were gone and all connections with the Aesir.

Of course, until a little while ago there'd been Uriel. Oh how he'd hated Odin's new brother at first, how they'd fought. He remembered Odin knocking their heads together, the row they'd had over Uriel's abuse of the ravens and his triumph as Uriel revealed the news of her pregnancy and how she'd been deserted by the child's father Pestilence, another almost family member he'd never met. He still wondered whether the personification had raped his sister, but War didn't think it possible and she knew him well. Pestilence had liked rats, Uriel had said. Perhaps Loki would have liked him, too.

And it had been Uriel who'd helped him when he'd gotten so dizzy at the Frigga Blot. She'd taken him back to his room and they'd slept side by side in Odin's bed. She'd meant everything to him after Odin had left. His last connection with his family, the promise of the new baby, little Bran whom he'd never seen in the end, and his last hope to see Odin again. Now she was gone as well there was nothing here for Odin to return to, nothing except Loki, weak alone and abandoned to die. Odin would not be back, nor would Uriel. Like Newt he would never see them again.

There were less painful memories, though the ones they were of were gone as well, but Loki had not cared about Raziel, the not-god he'd misdirected into the basement. She'd never come back up causing Loki to wonder whether she hadn't found what she'd been looking for there after all. That hadn't been his intention.

Then there'd been Hermes, the Greek thief who'd wandered by, stayed a while and apparently disappeared again. It had been nice to see a fellow god around, but they were of different pantheons and had never been close. Good bye, Hermes. Best of luck wherever you are now. Loki smiled to himself, just a touch bitterly.

Pollution had been fun and from what Loki had heard he was still about, but apparently he'd taken the little caper in Uriel's room badly. They hadn't talked since, which was a pity. He'd have liked to make friends, but then friends left you in the end and that hurt a lot more than a friendship ending before it had really begun. It was for the best, Loki assumed.

There was Binky, Sleipnir's horse companion who'd turned out to belong to Death himself. Loki was glad that Death no longer seemed to be around, though he suspected he'd meet him again soon enough. The horse had remained at the stables, though, at least until the last time Loki had been strong enough to make it out there to visit. He wondered whether Binky missed him and Sleipnir. Horses weren't made to be all alone. Maybe, if he managed to escape Binky's master, he'd get to see the horse again someday. It didn't feel very likely right now, though.

He'd also found out that Horus was here that day. Loki turned his head to look at the empty sky outside the window. He'd have to sit up in order to see anything else and he didn't quite feel up to it right now, but then maybe ... But no, no silhouette of anything even remotely resembling a hawk in the sky above the manor. He hadn't caught even a glimpse of Horus in so long. Perhaps the bird had left as well, but maybe, hopefully it was due to his illness keeping him inside all the time and Horus was still out there. He could be sitting in a tree smoothing his feathers right now unaware that Loki was in here thinking of him.

Adam would know. Loki shuddered at the memory of the boy with his unnatural power over gods. No, he didn't want to know that much. He was quite happy to only have talked with him once. Could have done without even that experience, but on the other hand he was at least warned now.

His mind drifted again and a hazy memory of a talking dog and a man he hadn't liked for some reason came to him. Who ... Oh right, the man had seemed too close to Odin, though his fears that he was yet another blood-brother had turned out to be unfounded. And the doggie had been nice and soft. It had to be a memory from the Frigga Blot, Loki decided, though it somehow was entangled with another one of a girl whose hair-colour kept changing, red butterflies, a Viking ship and Freki turning pink for some reason.

He'd been really sick that day, though Freki had remained pink even after the fever had gone down again. John had carried him to bed that day. Another bittersweet smile. He'd trusted John so much then, had almost felt as close to him as he had to his brother and sister, maybe closer in a way, for he'd trusted John with a secret he hadn't shared with anybody else. There was something about John that made one want to trust him, to befriend him and they'd had some wonderful times in their hideout in the attic. John hadn't even minded his awful paintings on the walls. But then trusting John, too had been a mistake. He'd been Crowley's first and foremost and if he should have learned one lesson in his life it was that one shouldn't befriend ones enemy's friend. Nothing good ever came from it and in the end John had chosen Crowley's side over his friendship as Loki should have known he would. Oh sure, John was making nice again now that he was most likely dying, but that changed nothing. If he had to choose again, he'd choose Crowley and Loki couldn't allow himself to forget it for one moment. Better to keep his distance in the first place and not be hurt again.

Crowley had been trouble from the start. First he'd threatened to incinerate the poor darling wolves for no good reason, then there'd been the incident with Newt and that poor kitten Crowley was keeping prisoner in his bathroom ... At least Loki had been able to save Ezra from him, even if Ellie had made him give the kitty back.

Ellie was a bit of a mystery. Loki had stayed away from her at first, because Odin had made hints that they were shagging, but she was a damn attractive woman and Odin was gone now. If he'd still trust his performance, maybe he'd go and try his luck with her, but then he was too weak to leave the hospital wing, the doctor had said the treatments had probably rendered him infertile and he wasn't sure where to find Ellie. Or maybe he just didn't want to know.

But yes, he'd saved Ezra from Crowley and helped get him the library job, though he'd had help from another frequent library visitor for that. He'd liked quiet unassuming Remus from the start and perhaps they could have been friends, but then after John and Uriel and Odin he really didn't feel like befriending anyone right now. Surely Remus had friends of his own and he'd only get hurt again.

And Loki still had War. She wasn't really a friend either, which made her safe to keep around. She was just ... War was memories of old, of travelling with Odin, of battlefields. And she was someone who understood Loki and his worries. He could talk abut things with her that he couldn't mention to anybody else. Besides she sure knew how to choose the right books to cheer one up. It had been a lucky day for Loki when War had landed her jet in the manor gardens. Neat jet, too, though it wouldn't be Loki's first choice for a ride.

Another not really friend that was still there was Bast. Their relationship was a lot more distant than that with War, though. Bast was a cat and when in her proper shape an adorable bundle of warm brown fur that loved cream and petting and would reward those things with sweet, lovely purring. Loki on the other hand loved petting and carrying soft furry things and adored purring. It had been very lucky that Uriel had been on hand to rescue Bast from the wolves and adopt her that day. Though now that Uriel was gone, would Bast be happy enough in her abandoned room to stay? Loki was willing to offer all the cuddling and petting she might want, but Anathema didn't like it when he took animals into his bed and would probably forbid her moving in.

He sighed and once again wished that Uriel were still here. Why oh why had she agreed to go with the Doctor in his stolen blue police box? Loki had never trusted that alien thief for a moment, but foolish Uriel had fallen for him head over heels. Stupid Box-Thief with stupid Tin-Thing that he claimed to be a dog. Oh, if only he hadn't been too sick to protect her properly!

Then again, maybe Mictain had been the one behind the plot. That stupid not-god had been after poor little Bran from the start and Loki's feeble attempt at protection hadn't impressed him much. It hadn't impressed Loki himself much either, though he'd found out that he liked the taste of blood that way. Or at least he had liked it then. Mouth sores caused everything he ate to taste like blood these days and he was sick and tired of the taste by now.

His most pathetic fight had been the one against Shadow, though. Imagine having to be saved by one's heavily pregnant sister! And Shadow was actually their nephew in a way. He'd calmed down after that first fight and their next encounter had been almost friendly, but Loki wasn't sure where he stood with Shadow. Too many contradictions in that one's behaviour. When it came down to it, Loki liked the damn bastard, but was probably not a good idea to admit it out loud. Fuck it, there was the connection with his family he wanted so much right there! only Shadow had denied them again and again and he had a particular grudge against Loki. All because of a woman that had been no good for him anyway.

Relationships with animals were so much more uncomplicated than with humans. Loki wondered whether the big black doggie he'd used to play fetch with still remembered him. He'd never learned the dog's name or found out who he belonged to, but he considered him one of his better friends. Oh, if only he could go outside and see his animal friends one last time! He hadn't even said proper good byes.

He tried to console himself with thoughts of his more recent acquaintances. At least they wouldn't desert him because of his condition. There was the no doubt cute, though he'd never seen her in her real shape, Sphinx he'd promised his bones as room decorations to, the beautiful, but annoying Anathema who kept nagging at him that he needed to eat and take his medicines, the mysterious and quiet Gabriel that he sometimes thought had no emotions at all, Bill, the wizard curse breaker that Anathema had hired especially for him allegedly on the recommendations of Luna. Not that he'd seen much of Luna since their first meeting on the manor grounds hen he'd been too busy with Horus to pay her much attention. She was still around, though.

And then of course there was the weirdest not-god of them all, the Metatron, who'd apparently finally decided to take his advice and actually try to get to know people. Loki had no idea where he stood with that one. His actions and motivations were absolutely weird. Loki wasn't used to not understanding others' motivations. It made him feel terribly vulnerable and lost. Of course if Odin were here to cover his back ...

But Odin wasn't here anymore and normally Loki wouldn't be either. Normally he was just as much a vagabond as the rest of his family and perhaps this was the fist time that he'd been the one left behind to watch how things could change over the space of a year. He wished he could turn back time.

Date: 2007-04-14 06:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theban-sphinx.livejournal.com
There were rats in the cellar. Rats! She didn't have anything against them; certainly they were a good addition to any lair. They just made her vaguely uneasy. Like she wasn't the one in control here. Like they had decided to tolerate her, and not the other way around.

She had seen the first rat a while ago, but hadn't thought much of it. Then there had been a few others, running elsewhere as soon as she had fixed her gaze on them, and right now she was starting to find the evasive creatures annoying.

She had tried to catch one, but they were quick, so she set up a trap instead. It was a crude thing, made out of a crate, a piece of wood and a bait, but eventually, it worked. She had been waiting for several hours when one of the little rodents finally got careless enough and knocked over the stick, getting caught under the box.

Sphix stalked to see her newest victim, a satisfied smile on her lips. She knelt next to the crate and slid a piece of cardboard under it. Then she turned the box over. The rat rustled a bit and let out a single squeak.

"Don't worry", Sphix said, even thought she knew the animal wouldn't understand. It was just a regular rat. She was a mythological beast; she didn't care about how a rodent felt. She was just thinking aloud. And she definitely did not feel threatened by one rat. Or ten. Or hundreds of them. And she would let it go soon enough, anyway. The other rats would not mind. "I won't eat you. I don't even like rat flesh. I just... wanted to have a look."

Having a look might be problematic, though. The rat would no doubt bounce the moment she let go of the lid, and the cellar had plenty of places for the rodent to disappear in. Maybe, she thought, she might have better luck opening the box somewhere else. The hospital, perhaps. The animal might get momentarily dazed my the change of scenery. And there might be some glass boxes there, too.

She set off towards the hospital wing, looking around for any sign of the other rats. There were nothing, however, so after a while she relaxed enough to start singing. She wasn't loud this time around, but despite her best efforts, the song still lacked a tune.

Sphix couldn't find Anathema, but the red haired god who had promised her his bones was still around. The sphinx pushed the door open with her free hand and poked her head in.

"Still not dead?" she called.

Date: 2007-04-14 06:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theban-sphinx.livejournal.com
"A pity", Sphix said. "That means I have to visit you again." She didn't feel all that disappointed, though. When she wanted something, she could be very patient.

Sphix shut the door behind her and shook the crate slightly. It let out another faint squeak. "This is a rat trap. And as it happens, it also contains a rat. You wouldn't happen to have a glass box anywhere, would you?"

Date: 2007-04-14 08:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theban-sphinx.livejournal.com

"It might hurt you if you pet it", Sphix said. "So touch it all you want." She brought the box closer, figuring Loki was too ill to get up and take it. "I won't mind if you miss a few fingers. I already have an extra hand." She could use a pair of hands with the rat, though. Perhaps she could open the lid, and Loki could catch the rodent. That way she might be able to look at it before it ran away. Then again, Loki might miss it or let it go too soon, so it might not be the best of ideas.

Sphix glanced at the glass and shook her head at it. "I said rat, not mouse. Is there something wrong with your ears? And if your hands aren't as poor as your hearing, you could hold the box while I find another I can see through. One that is big enough." She hadn't seen one when she got her, though, so it might take a while.

Date: 2007-04-15 10:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theban-sphinx.livejournal.com
"Here", Sphix said and thrust the crate into Loki's hands. "And I'd advice you not to let the rat go. Not before I have seen it." She gave him a smile that she hoped would serve as a warning and strode to the door, closing it carefully after her. Just in case the rat did get loose.

The next room she entered didn't have any boxes on clear sight, so the sphinx opened some closets and started searching. There had to be some containers here somewhere that fit her requirements. She just had to find them.

Date: 2007-04-20 12:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chantinellie.livejournal.com
Bored and restless, Ellie had been wandering the Manor with no particular goal in mind, and turned toward the hospital wing with some vague idea of asking the Snob if he had heard any news from Belial (whose presence was sorely missed, and not just because of his habit of charging to the rescue like some unlikely, pornographic Lancelot.)

Finding Gabriel apparently off-duty, though, she followed the sound of a familiar voice to Loki's room and cracked open the door, smiling slightly at the sight of the god baby-talking at a cardboard box from which issued distinctly unhappy animal sounds. Unlike some other demons about the Manor, she didn't find Loki's oddball, amost childlike behavior unduly irritating, but he did seem to have a thing for messing with creatures that would have been better off left alone. (Including some who walked around on two legs.)

Rapping softly on the door, she smiled around it, not opening it too far just in case Whatever Was In The Box managed to get loose. Amusing as it would be to watch Gabriel turn pretty colors on finding an unauthorized critter loose in his domain, Loki clearly had problems enough without her getting him into trouble. He was looking awfully pale and fragile. "Hey. Long time no see."

Date: 2007-04-24 01:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chantinellie.livejournal.com
"I've been in and out," Ellie said vaguely, stepping inside and shutting the door. "Rodents?" Her brows rose arched eloquently. "Not afraid of them, no, but they're not very...well, sanitary, are they?" She gestured at the sterile surroundings.

Date: 2007-04-26 11:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chantinellie.livejournal.com
"I suppose," Ellie said dubiously. "Where'd you come across a rat in here?"

Date: 2007-04-30 10:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chantinellie.livejournal.com
"Ah," Ellie said as though this clarified things, and decided not to inquire any further. The Sphinx would probably be annoyed at her affairs being pried into. She seemed to take umbrage rather easily.

Perching on the edge of the bed and keeping a wary eye on the box (she really wasn't afraid of rats, but that didn't mean she particularly liked them,) she asked, "So how have you been doing?" The answer was fairly obvious--"Not good"--but she was a bit stuck for meaningful conversation and didn't want to just up and leave, which would have been rude. Also, she'd been wondering on and off for some time just where Odin had got off to. Perhaps his brother would have some idea. And Loki seemed a pleasant enough sort, if a bit eccentric even for a deity.

Date: 2007-05-02 11:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chantinellie.livejournal.com
Ellie had made a long career out of reading the signals men sent her way, both subtle and otherwise. She could guess the gist of Loki's thoughts, at least as they pertained to her--though he was remarkably good at not projecting anything overtly. Then again, if she remembered her Norse mythology, he was a trickster by profession, so that would stand to reason. "Well, maybe I can help you catch up on the news. Not that I'm right in the thick of the action, myself, such as it is."

Date: 2007-05-06 06:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theban-sphinx.livejournal.com
Finding a glass box, thought the sphinx, shouldn't be this difficult. You would have thought there would be plenty of them lying around in a hospital, but no, none were at sight.

Sphix had to try several rooms before she finally came across a transparent container. She guessed it was plastic instead of glass, but it would have to do. It was also filled with cotton balls and things she didn't have a name for, but those were easy to get rid of. She emptied the box into a sink and headed back towards Loki's room.

When she reached the doorway, though, she heard voices from inside. So Loki had another guest. Sphix put the box under her arm and flung the door open with her free hand.

"Well, well", she said. "Chantinelle. I didn't think you would be that interested about rats. Are you trying to get rid of it already, Loki?"

Date: 2007-05-06 06:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theban-sphinx.livejournal.com
"The rat, of course!" Sphix planted the box on the table and glared at Loki. "You are trying to be funny, aren't you? Trying to give the rat away to my friend here, before I get to see it?" She shook her head, mildly irritated.
From: [identity profile] chantinellie.livejournal.com
Ellie raised her hands placatingly. "Hey, I'm not interested in the rat. I came down here looking for the Snob, actually--sorry, that would be Gabriel--but he doesn't seem to be around, and Loki here looked like he could use some company. Making a pet of it, are you?"

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Date: 2007-05-08 11:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chantinellie.livejournal.com
"Hmm, well, obviously you know the Sphinx. Umm, let's see. I'm not sure how long you've been laid up. Aziraphale came back from London some time ago, do you know him?" She didn't try to disguise her pleasure at that. "And John's old flame has been hanging around for a while now--I know you know him. John, that is, not the old flame. She's had him terribly distracted. I'm not sure what that's all about, though, he hasn't really told me much except that there'll be dire consequences if I mess with her." Ellie wrinkled her nose. "You'd think as long as we've known each other, he'd have figured out I'm on his side. As much as anyone's, anyway."

She thought for a moment. "Umm...I've caught traces of an angelic and a demonic presence around the place that I don't know, but I tend to steer clear of both those types, mostly, so I can't say much about them. It's been fairly quiet since the last time I came back, really. Oh, I did run into Uriel and her new kid, but I suppose you'll have seen him..."

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