(no subject)

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Time: October 13, 2000
Place: Bedroom, Hot Tub ;)
Status: Private (Remus and Sirius), Complete
Summary: The location says it all, really



Sirius had been exploring the manor for the past few weeks-- it had seemed like a more productive way of spending his time, and lately he'd gotten bored of hiding in the dark stuffy room he and Remus shared. Despite having to avoid the kitchens, for obvious and infuriating reasons, he had made a few interesting discoveries. He'd been pleased to see that there was a pool, for while he far preferred to swim in natural bodies of water (the chlorine made his eyes itch and dried out Padfoot's coat), he did think he'd enjoy the exercise from time to time. He was also interested to note that there was one of those muggle things called a Hot Tub. He had fond memories of one that had belonged to some muggle girl he'd been seeing at some time or another, although he was planning to put this hot tub to a rather different use.

Sirius had run down to the basement to check that no one else was down there, since Remus tended to like his privacy on the days after. Once he'd ensured the coast was clear, he ran back upstairs to his bedroom, and peeked in through the doorway where a sleepy Moony was curled up on the bed. From the way he was hunched into a tight ball despite the stretching space available made it obvious that Remus was hurting. The Wolfsbane made the transformation easier, but it didn't abate the pain of the change nor the ache afterward. He approached the bed carefully and put his hand on Remus' shoulders, carefully massaging the neck muscles.

"Hey," he said softly. "Wake up. I've got something to show you. Might help."

Comments

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Gee, I'd be happy to help you up, grandma," said Sirius brightly. "Get your arse over here." He climbed onto the bed and wrapped his arms around Remus' torso, under the armpits, careful to avoid any of the obviously sore or bandaged places. He gently pulled Remus to sitting, and then loosened his grip.

"Okay?" he asked, as he began to undo the buttons of Remus' pajama top. He wasn't sure if it was his imagination, or if his hands were shaking slightly as the top two buttons gave way to the pale flesh of Remus' throat and collarbone. He liked that skin, scarred as it was, and he liked the way Remus' (slightly labored) breaths made his chest rise and fall, and he liked the way his hands looked against Remus' chest, loosening his buttons.

Sirius pulled back, letting his hands rest on the blankets of the bed because he knew they were trembling now. "Right. You can probably still dress yourself, can't you?"

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"Yes," he agreed, somewhat wary, and, oddly enough, a touch plaintively too. He shivered when the warm hands - how did they always stay so warm? - disappeared, but the removal allowed him to exhale a breath he'd been holding since Sirius first helped him up. He still- he still wasn't used to (friendly) touch, although Sirius seemed to think it was his mission to make him forget this.

He felt like a child, almost; wholly taken care of, and the feeling was very disconcerting. "Yes, mum," Remus added, taking the trunks from Sirius, but made no move yet to undress further. Instead, he simply gazed at Sirius, and finally, finally said: "Are you going to stand there and stare at me while I dress myself?"

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Well, I was planning on it," smirked Sirius, "but it looks like you caught me. I'll just be in my half of the bedroom for the next five minutes." He winked, and then walked around the edge of the bed behind Remus, and began removing his own clothing, getting out the black swim trunks.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"Right," Remus said, and stood stiffly, gathering his things to him. He left for the bathroom, looking at Sirius' smooth naked skin.

"Do we have towels?"

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Eh, just bath towels, but we can transfigure them," replied Sirius, pulling the swimtrunks up his legs. He examined his appearance in the mirror-- they were the sort of trunks he would have worn when he was younger so as to be able to pick up every attractive woman and man he met. The effect was less dramatic now; he'd lost weight and a lot of muscle tone, but he was getting it back, and he didn't think he looked half bad. If only he could fill out his chest a bit more. He really ought to start swimming again. He couldn't spend all of his time with Remus forever, that much was obvious. This thing he was feeling for Remus had to go away soon, and he doubted it would until he had another outlet for those kind of thoughts. If Remus found out...well, whether he was interested or disgusted, it would end badly. He wasn't going to hurt his friend just because he was a selfish bastard.

"Are you ready, mate?" he asked at the bathroom door.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"What?" he asked, startled out of his - straying - thoughts. "Yes, I am."

He opened the door, taking care that he had at least two bath towels covering him in a similar shape to a toga. It wasn't the best of ideas but at least his scars weren't glaringly obvious.

"Are you ready?"

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Would I have asked if I wasn't?" asked Sirius, grinning. He eyed Remus' towel toga. "I was planning on apparating, emperor, but it's nice of you to grab a towel for me." He takes Remus by the wrists and pulls him close, although he is more gentle about it than he would normally be. "Let me apparate for you, all right? So you don't waste any more energy?"

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"Right," Remus agreed, somewhat dazedly, thinking that he'd probably topple over if he Apparated himself, and toppling in the vicinity of any large body of water could not be good.

He'd been in a hot tub before - but not recently, and never with Sirius.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius placed his hands firmly around Remus' back, and apparated them both so that they were standing right next to the hot tub. He closed his eyes for a second-- side along was always tiring, but he knew Remus would be far more exhausted.

"Still all right?" he said softly, letting go of his friend and taking the towels and putting them on the ground. "Doubt anyone is planning to come down at this hour, okay?" He took Remus' hand to guide him to the tub once he noticed the exhaustion that was apparent in his friend's body for having stood so long. Once he was in the water, he'd be able to sit and relax a bit more.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"'M fine," Remus told him firmly, swaying on his feet, until Sirius took his hand and led him like a little child to the hot water.

He stepped in, setting the towels fastidiously down around the edges of the tub, keeping his own near him, and felt the burn of the water heat and ease away the ache in his muscles and ribs. He adjusted the towel so his head could rest back - he could, theoretically, sleep.

"Are you coming?" he asked, after a moment of sighing at the touch of the water.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"No, I was just leaving, actually," said Sirius, grinning. He walked around the edge of the hot tub lightly, and then, once he was opposite Remus, stepped down and let himself slide completely underwater before coming up and sitting on the underwater bench that ran around the ring of the tub.

He probably should have let himself get used to the temperature, as the water was hot, but he'd be damned if he'd sit on the rim dangling his feet like a girl.

He glanced at Remus and sighed in a way that was most unacceptable. Remus looked relaxed and peaceful in a way that Sirius rarely saw, even when he slept, and also uncharacteristically open. Remus was one of the most modest people Sirius had ever known, and Sirius had always assumed this had something to do with the scars that criss-crossed his body. Sirius had seen them before, briefly, when Remus had let his guard down or if he'd happened to walk in on his friend changing. He'd also seen Remus naked on full moons, but that clinical sort of nudity was greatly divorced from this, and even then Remus kept covered up if he could help it.

He looked away, not wanting Remus to catch him at it and change his mind about coming in the hot tub without full robes on. Although Sirius couldn't see what was so bad about the scars. Lots of women liked scars, and it might be the case for gay men, too.

Sirius has never been one to keep an interesting train of thought to himself. He's generous that way. "Hey, Remus?" he says softly. "Can I ask you something?"

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"Mmmmmm."

It's nearly a moan - a sigh, really, of contentment, if anyone were to ask Remus what the noise he just produced actually was. It sounded, still, like a moan.

Near-gold eyes open, and look up at Sirius, heavy-lidded as the heat of the water worked its magic on aches and swells and injuries. "Yes," he said, voice gone all deep and not nearly as hoarse as it usually was. "Ask me what?"

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Seeing how completely relaxed Remus was, Sirius hestitated for a moment, but only a moment. "Well, just, if you don't like to take your clothes off ever, what do you do when you shag?" He paused. "You do shag, right? I mean, I met that one bloke, you shagged him, right?"

Sirius propped his arms against the rim of the tub and waited for a response.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

Remus blinked, and splashed a bit as he startled. His balance was thrown off entirely, as 'shagging' came up not once but twice, and he nearly face-planted into water he was already mostly in, flailing.

"I-what?" he asked, blinking and most decidedly waking up (although still damnably comfortable. Too comfortable, in fact, to leave).

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius laughed somewhat wickedly at how thrown Remus was by this question. "Come on, it's just a question. We're mates, we can talk about this sort of thing."

Well, James had never been a good one to talk to. He'd happily listened to all of Sirius' (half invented on the spot) tales of conquest throughout Hogwarts, and then proceeded to be infuriatingly silent on the matter once he'd started shagging Lily. But it was true in theory.

"Tell you what," said Sirius, smirking. "Answer this one, and you can ask me anything you want in return. No matter how embarrassing. And that is a good deal, because I can think of far more embarrassing things than this I could be asking you."

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

Remus opened his mouth to tell Sirius to bugger off, but the promise of him being able to ask something else stopped him short. What came out was a temperate "I'm not asexual, if that's what you mean."

Steam in his face, he began to relax again, boneless beneath the water. "It depends on whether the 'shag' is worth it. I have red, reversible long underwear (flap in the front) that I keep especially forshagging, you know... Kidding, Sirius, don't look so horrified. It's actually a nice beige colour."

He thought about the question, and then shook his head. "I haven't shagged anyone lately*, either, so don't bother to quiz me about that."

*"Lately" was qualitative, right?

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius let his head fall back and laughed at the long underwear comment. "Flap in front, you say? Wouldn't have been my first guess for you, Moony," he said, smirking.

He waved his hand vaguely. "I know, it's your turn now. Although you didn't really answer the question, mate."

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

Well, he thought, swallowing against a sudden and irrational fear, he did know that Sirius knew.

"Sod off. And I thought I had," he said mildly. "If it's worth the, er, lack of clothes. I don't get naked for every john- Tom," Remus added quickly, "Dick, and Harry to come through, you know."

He sighed, then. "Didn't mean to bring up Harry. I certainly, er, don't get naked for him, either. Frighten the lad to death."

Remus grinned. "I suppose you didn't really want to picture that either. So, Sirius Orion Black, when you last shagged, what did they look like? What, precisely, is the famous Hogwarts stud - I believe the actual phrase is 'stud-muffin' - prefer in his Cupid-struck victims?"

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Only you could use that particular phrase while talking about sex," Sirius said in a mixture of admiration and incredulity. "Every Tom, Dick or Harry to come through indeed. But who knows," he added. "He's a quiet, sensitive sort of boy, he might like it." No, he did not just make a joke about his godson's sexuality. That would be in unimaginably poor taste. "I'd still have to kick your arse, though, I'm afraid."

He was startled a bit by the next question. "The last person I shagged? I mean-- fair's fair, but my memory of that time period is a little hazy."

While this is true, Sirius doesn't mention that he remembers his last shag perfectly well. A young pretty thing in a bar, though whether Sirius had paid him for the privilege or not is unclear, as are any other details. But he remembers the fucking, hard and fast against the sterile white tiles of the bathroom wall, pounding out his frustration and rage and panic, although what had triggered those feelings at the time lay just beyond his grasp.

Two days later, he'd had to dig his best friend's body out from under the rubble of his former home.

Sirius realized that his introspection was causing an uncomfortable silence to fall over the hot tub. He feigned counting. "Well, pretty. Brown hair, nice eyes, really sexy, gorgeous body. Fantastic," a pause, "assets." This was true. It wasn't his fault if Remus assumed he was talking about a different kind of asset.

"I'm not sure stud or stud-muffin is really fair," he added, feeling guilty about letting Remus think this had been a woman who was crazy about him rather than some bloke who'd just wanted to get off. It wasn't as though Remus would care, but Sirius felt the same strange reluctance he always felt to admit to anything. It was normal to want something different from time to time, but you still didn't say...

"Have you ever been with a woman?" he blurted out.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"What? No!" Remus defended, caught off-guard for the second flipping time that evening.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Well, it was just a question," said Sirius, with a small pout. "And why not? You can't tell me you've never wanted to."

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

He shot a look at Sirius, to see if he was joking with that last comment.

...From what Remus could tell, he wasn't, and a cold chill settled in his own stomach.

"I- Sirius, I like men." Was it denial? Was it fear? Was it- was- Remus tried desperately to stop thinking and just watched Sirius for his reaction, brow creased in worry.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Yes, I know that, but I mean, what if she's just the most bloody amazing looking skirt you've ever seen, like the girls in the more expensive class of wank mags or something? Even then you still wouldn't want her?" He noticed Remus' expression go a little odd, so he added "I'm just wondering. You know, how it works with you."

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

Remus was still staring.

"No."

He shook his head. "No, Sirius, I am not attracted to women in any shape-" There's a slight cough as he recalled the image of Tonks, and then dismissed it... "-or form. I. Like. To. Sleep. With. Men."

There was a silence that followed, and Remus couldn't help continuing to stare. "Say something," he added finally. "For Merlin's sake, I didn't expect- never- Sirius."

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Merlin," he muttered almost under his breath. "You're such a--" There was a pause that somehow sounded longer than it was, until finally Sirius ran a hand through his damp hair and sighed.

"Never mind. Just forget I said anything, okay?"