(no subject)

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Time: October 13, 2000
Place: Bedroom, Hot Tub ;)
Status: Private (Remus and Sirius), Complete
Summary: The location says it all, really



Sirius had been exploring the manor for the past few weeks-- it had seemed like a more productive way of spending his time, and lately he'd gotten bored of hiding in the dark stuffy room he and Remus shared. Despite having to avoid the kitchens, for obvious and infuriating reasons, he had made a few interesting discoveries. He'd been pleased to see that there was a pool, for while he far preferred to swim in natural bodies of water (the chlorine made his eyes itch and dried out Padfoot's coat), he did think he'd enjoy the exercise from time to time. He was also interested to note that there was one of those muggle things called a Hot Tub. He had fond memories of one that had belonged to some muggle girl he'd been seeing at some time or another, although he was planning to put this hot tub to a rather different use.

Sirius had run down to the basement to check that no one else was down there, since Remus tended to like his privacy on the days after. Once he'd ensured the coast was clear, he ran back upstairs to his bedroom, and peeked in through the doorway where a sleepy Moony was curled up on the bed. From the way he was hunched into a tight ball despite the stretching space available made it obvious that Remus was hurting. The Wolfsbane made the transformation easier, but it didn't abate the pain of the change nor the ache afterward. He approached the bed carefully and put his hand on Remus' shoulders, carefully massaging the neck muscles.

"Hey," he said softly. "Wake up. I've got something to show you. Might help."

Comments

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius let his head fall back and laughed at the long underwear comment. "Flap in front, you say? Wouldn't have been my first guess for you, Moony," he said, smirking.

He waved his hand vaguely. "I know, it's your turn now. Although you didn't really answer the question, mate."

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

Well, he thought, swallowing against a sudden and irrational fear, he did know that Sirius knew.

"Sod off. And I thought I had," he said mildly. "If it's worth the, er, lack of clothes. I don't get naked for every john- Tom," Remus added quickly, "Dick, and Harry to come through, you know."

He sighed, then. "Didn't mean to bring up Harry. I certainly, er, don't get naked for him, either. Frighten the lad to death."

Remus grinned. "I suppose you didn't really want to picture that either. So, Sirius Orion Black, when you last shagged, what did they look like? What, precisely, is the famous Hogwarts stud - I believe the actual phrase is 'stud-muffin' - prefer in his Cupid-struck victims?"

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Only you could use that particular phrase while talking about sex," Sirius said in a mixture of admiration and incredulity. "Every Tom, Dick or Harry to come through indeed. But who knows," he added. "He's a quiet, sensitive sort of boy, he might like it." No, he did not just make a joke about his godson's sexuality. That would be in unimaginably poor taste. "I'd still have to kick your arse, though, I'm afraid."

He was startled a bit by the next question. "The last person I shagged? I mean-- fair's fair, but my memory of that time period is a little hazy."

While this is true, Sirius doesn't mention that he remembers his last shag perfectly well. A young pretty thing in a bar, though whether Sirius had paid him for the privilege or not is unclear, as are any other details. But he remembers the fucking, hard and fast against the sterile white tiles of the bathroom wall, pounding out his frustration and rage and panic, although what had triggered those feelings at the time lay just beyond his grasp.

Two days later, he'd had to dig his best friend's body out from under the rubble of his former home.

Sirius realized that his introspection was causing an uncomfortable silence to fall over the hot tub. He feigned counting. "Well, pretty. Brown hair, nice eyes, really sexy, gorgeous body. Fantastic," a pause, "assets." This was true. It wasn't his fault if Remus assumed he was talking about a different kind of asset.

"I'm not sure stud or stud-muffin is really fair," he added, feeling guilty about letting Remus think this had been a woman who was crazy about him rather than some bloke who'd just wanted to get off. It wasn't as though Remus would care, but Sirius felt the same strange reluctance he always felt to admit to anything. It was normal to want something different from time to time, but you still didn't say...

"Have you ever been with a woman?" he blurted out.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"What? No!" Remus defended, caught off-guard for the second flipping time that evening.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Well, it was just a question," said Sirius, with a small pout. "And why not? You can't tell me you've never wanted to."

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

He shot a look at Sirius, to see if he was joking with that last comment.

...From what Remus could tell, he wasn't, and a cold chill settled in his own stomach.

"I- Sirius, I like men." Was it denial? Was it fear? Was it- was- Remus tried desperately to stop thinking and just watched Sirius for his reaction, brow creased in worry.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Yes, I know that, but I mean, what if she's just the most bloody amazing looking skirt you've ever seen, like the girls in the more expensive class of wank mags or something? Even then you still wouldn't want her?" He noticed Remus' expression go a little odd, so he added "I'm just wondering. You know, how it works with you."

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

Remus was still staring.

"No."

He shook his head. "No, Sirius, I am not attracted to women in any shape-" There's a slight cough as he recalled the image of Tonks, and then dismissed it... "-or form. I. Like. To. Sleep. With. Men."

There was a silence that followed, and Remus couldn't help continuing to stare. "Say something," he added finally. "For Merlin's sake, I didn't expect- never- Sirius."

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Merlin," he muttered almost under his breath. "You're such a--" There was a pause that somehow sounded longer than it was, until finally Sirius ran a hand through his damp hair and sighed.

"Never mind. Just forget I said anything, okay?"

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

Remus laughed, a surprisingly bitter tone ringing through.

"Such a pouf? Yes. Yes, I am."

It had bitten him in past years - Tonks even offering to be something she wasn't - sometimes as much as being a werewolf ever had.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Look, that's not what I--" he paused, and pressed his knuckles against his temple, frustrated. "I mean, that is what I was going to say, but that's not how I meant--"

He sighed, and slumped against the wall of the jacuzzi. "It was a shitty thing to say. Can we move on?"

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

Remus was tempted to make something of it.

But where could he go, really, aching and dizzy as he was?

He settled back into the hot water, the attention to many aches competing with that of his thoughts, and the aches won.

So it was a surprise to Remus too when he opened his mouth.

"Since we're at confessions, your cousin offered to be 'gay for me'. As she put it." Remus smiled, eyes faraway. "I forgot to mention that, didn't I."

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"She-- Tonks?" asked Sirius, his eyes going slightly rounder than he might have wanted them to at that. "You mean, she would have been a, a bloke?" Let it never be said Sirius didn't have a good imagination. "But you didn't did you?" He really wasn't sure what feel about that-- he felt that at some level, he should want to defend his cousin's honor, but frankly she could do worse than Remus. He wondered what she would look like, as a man-- Andromeda had taken after his side of the family, but the girl looked something like her father. Still, in certain lights, with a more masculine shape to her face and--

That was a train of thought that needed to end right now, Sirius decided. Besides, if she were going to do, well, that for Remus, he reasoned, she'd probably change her features to be more his type, anyway. He wondered what Remus' type would be--

Yes, that thought really had to go, as well. This was not a very good day for thinking, really.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"No," Remus replied, and there was definite amusement in his voice.

"Oh, Padfoot, are we blushing? You weren't, by any chance, imagining your cousin making said proposition, were you? She's a good sort, you know. Too young for all of..." His hand encompassed what speech could not. "This, anyway. I haven't seen or heard from her since I left the Order, but in this case no news may be good news."

He yawned. "Confess something, now. It's your turn. Something I don't know."

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"No, we are not blushing," he said hotly. "And I confess that you're a wanker."

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

Content, Remus didn't even have to move for this one. "Clodpoll." A squint. "Pervert too. And I believe I said something I didn't know."

Sighing, he settled deeper. "You owe me two, now. Fair is fair."

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Tonks does not count, because I definitely didn't ask to hear about it," he said, and then stuck his tongue out. "But, okay." He paused, and leaned back for a moment, thinking.

"All right, do you remember Sylvia Weatherby? Ravenclaw Quidditch captain with the legs? That I, ah, supposedly lost my virginity to in fifth year? Right. Emphasis on supposedly." He grinned and shrugged.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

His foot slipped, face dipped below water, and he came up spluttering.

"You- you fraud, Sirius Orion Black! And here you were bragging about losing your virginity then and all along..." Remus shook his head in mock-disgust. "Despicable. Why did you lie? Teenagedom?"

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Hey, to be fair, it wasn't really too long after that. That summer, actually, with this bird I met at the beach. But yeah, teenagedom, and, you know, I sort of thought James was going to make it with that cheap Helen girl, and I didn't want him to be first." He shrugged, sheepishly, and there was something sad in the action, an admission of a regrettable pettiness that the years had put in sharp perspective.

"So when did you first, um, you know?" he asked after a moment.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"Nineteen. D'you remember I had that book-stocking job with-" He wiped water out of his eyes, and continued, "that shop, and I did all right, but there was this one young man with blond hair - you may have met him - who kept hanging about and, well. One thing to another."

His cheeks are red. And wet.

"When we were together at Grimmauld, was there anyone you fancied? Even just as a rekindling of- just a reminder?"

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius chuckled somewhat uncomfortably, his cheeks still pink. "Oh. Well. Not bad, I guess. I mean, he seemed nice."

He laughed far more genuinely at the next comment. "Molly Weasley, obviously. Or Dung Fletcher, if you prefer." He winked. "To be honest, though? I didn't really think of anyone like that while I was there. Don't look at me like that, it's true. Azkaban sort of, er, killed it for a while. I didn't even wank or anything." He grinned. "If you'd told me at sixteen that I'd manage twenty years without an orgasm, I think I'd have thrown myself off the Astronomy Tower right there."

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

The answering look was sad. "Padfoot." Remus remembered Sirius coming to lie low at his house, before Grimmauld.

"If we'd known the future, we would have all jumped. All for one and one for all... isn't that right, Sirius?"

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Don't say that, okay?" he said, biting his lower lip as his face fell. "It was just a joke." He stood up in the middle of the hot water, crossed the jacuzzi, sat next to Remus, and put his arms around the other man in a loose hug. It seemed to be a better answer than he could trust himself to speak.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"Sorry," he replied automatically, and then sighed, closing his eyes. "Mind the arm and shoulder. It's still - it's maybe the worst of it. Ah, this does feel good. Did I thank you for it properly?"

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Sorry," he whispered, loosening his grip and resting his head for just a second against the top of Remus'. It felt good to touch someone like this. "Sorry," he said again, just a breath of air this time, and he had no idea what he had been referring to. He let Remus go.

"What do you mean, thank me properly?" He said with a smirk. "Does this involve your secret chocolate stash and firewhiskey, by any chance?" Actually, other thoughts darted disobediently through his head, but he ignored them. Or at least, most of him did, parts of him still wanted to bring up the interesting albeit awkward conversation earlier. Sirius just hates it when he really wants to move on and others are stuck on one or two key conversation points, you know?