(no subject)

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

Date: August 17
Status: Private -- Complete
Setting: Uriel's room
Summary: A nightmare.


She could hardly believe that it was true. Surely she couldn't be so lucky. Yet there he was, right before her, smiling.

"I was wrong, my love," he said softly, caressing gently her cheek. "I was a fool to think that I could love somebody more than you, or that your form would matter to me. You are the one I love and I shall never forget that again."

"Oh, Pestilence," she sniffled. She couldn't recall when she had last been this happy. The one she loved had come back to her!

However, doubts still clouded her mind. "What about the baby?" she asked, placing a hand on her belly. "...Are you mad?"

"Of course not, love." Pestilence smiled at her. "Even if it isn't mine, I'll treat it like my own flesh and blood. It is yours, after all, and I love everything about you."

Now, her resolve crumbled completely, and she pressed herself against him, crying in relief. He put his arms around her, murmuring soothingly.

"Don't cry, my dear," he murmured, holding her close. "Everything's all right now. Don't cry, my lovely Mary…"

She froze. Then, after a second, she started to move, quickly pushing him away from her. A look of confusion spread over his features as he fell down into a suddenly opened chasm. "Mary?" he called out as he fell away from her.

Uriel awoke with a startle. There was no Pestilence, no endless pit, no trailing call of The Wrong Name echoing in her ears. Still, she was shaking as she sank back into her pillows, hugging her stuffed rat close.

She should just forget about Pestilence. It was clear that the horseman didn't love her, not for who she really was. After all, although they had been together for well over a month, he had never even suggested "going all the way". When he had encountered a random stranger in a bar, however, he hadn't hesitated despite knowing about "Angela's" inexperience. If he could only want her as a female, he obviously could never care for her as simply herself.

It was hard to imagine Pestilence, her Pestilence, being so deceiving. However, the evidence seemed rather clear. And how could she truly know him, when she was no more sure she knew even herself?

When Uriel had come to the Manor, his image of himself had been rather clear. Calm and collected, he had been able to hide any emotions, impossible to read. When his emotions had broken through, however, they had done so powerfully enough that he'd been unable to do anything to help the situation. Still, he'd been able to get better of his emotions: nothing more than a slap of Michael's hand had been needed for him to regain control. He hadn't slept, eaten, drunk, or even breathed, his body icy cold in lack of body heat. There had been no goal in his life aside from fulfilling His Will.

Now, however, that had all changed. His emotions were easy to read any time, yet when she had an episode, it wasn't as violent as before. Her former patience had been replaced with a relatively short temper, her lack of fear had become a constant nervousness in the back of her mind. She ate on every opportunity she got, slept every night out of necessity, and breathed without even thinking about it. Her skin was warm to touch, and she had… she had desires. Wants. Needs.

Pestilence had been the first one to introduce her to physical pleasures as well as to emotional closeness. To love him and be loved by him, to be close to him and touch him, had been the first thing Uriel had ever wanted that was in no way connected to her duties. Since then, there had been new things coming up, goals for her to fulfill when before she had only lived to serve. She wanted to find a way to get Loki healed, to make new friends and keep those she already had managed to acquire, and to protect those she cared about as best as she could. And, most of all, she wanted to have her child, love it and protect it and raise it to be a person she could be proud of some day, angel or not angel.

Even now she knew she would die for her child. It scared her to think what she would do for it once it had been born.

She did not want to Fall. However, she didn't want her child to get hurt, either.

It took a long, long time before she could go back to sleep.