(no subject)

[deatheater-cook.livejournal.com]

Time: Late afternoon, 25 July 2000
Place: The Manor Grounds
Status: Public
Summary: The Barbecue

Severus had prepared for this extensively, had done research as soon as he was told that he needed to provide food for a ‘barbecue’. Well, that was American, wasn’t it? A newly-published book titled The Great American Barbecue and Grilling Manual was his starting point. (The words ‘great’ and ‘American’ did not belong in the same sentence, although perhaps he might be mistaken, never having been to America.) After learning that this was not merely an American cuisine but a regional (Southern) American cuisine, he began to specialise. Having found a butcher to bring a pig and something to cook it over (yes, the whole pig, you dolt) he learned that it could have been done with a goat as it had been in the Caribbean, and with less effort.

Having put forth effort already, he pushed ahead. The intensive labour required to prepare food by the slow ‘barbecue’ method had been provided by Remus Lupin, although he surely did not understand when he volunteered exactly what it was he’d be doing. The butcher himself was also interested and so Snape had ‘invited’ him to come and help. Work for the day, eat. Bring your family with you and they can help and eat also. Only if they help. Severus’ labour shortage crisis solved.

The whole concept of barbecue sauce was confusing, so he’d made three kinds. Two for public consumption—a South Carolina style with mustard, vinegar and black pepper that seemed reasonable enough. Kansas City style that was thick, red-brown, and gloppy, made with a tomato base and molasses. The third was for Crowley, a Texas-style sauce amusingly named ‘Devil’s Spit’ made from a tomato base with cumin and hot chiles. These American chiles being unavailable, he procured an Oriental variety that were infinitely hotter. Let him call that bland.

Chicken would go on, although not for as long as the blasted pig, and sausages for the unadventurous. The Brunswick Stew might end up in the restaurant under ‘American Cuisine’. It was simple enough, with a tomato base, lima beans (or any beans), corn, other vegetables, and meat. Traditionally rabbit or squirrel but he could use leftover pork, chicken, beef or even cut-up sausages. Basically, a fine way to rid himself of leftover almost anything and he revised his opinion of American ingenuity. The true test would be Crowley’s opinion. If he disapproved, it was definitely going on the menu.

Okra and sweet potatoes proved impossible to procure. Field greens—of the turnip variety—were simple enough to cook in some of the extra pig fat. Black-eyed peas, which looked an awful lot like beans, with bacon. He made carrots in sauce of butter and brown sugar that seemed terribly French, but he simply shrugged. There would be green peas—not mushy, unfortunately, which would have made Crowley complain and Snape smile, a dish of fried apples that was a side dish, apparently popular with pork, and potato salad. It was a source of annoyance that the recipe he found for this called for red potatoes that did not need to be peeled. How brilliant would it have been to set Lupin to peeling potatoes for his own requested potato salad?

Cornbread was simple enough to make, although all the different names and types confused him. The concept of beaten biscuits was repulsive so he settled on cheddar biscuits instead. American biscuits, he found, were a bread roll that seemed a bizarre combination of bap, scone, and crumpet. But they were a Southern staple and very simple to make. Devilled eggs—also simple, seemingly French—were another extra dish along with pickles of varied types. He refused to make grits—porridge was bad enough at breakfast and he would certainly not serve it in any other time.

Cold tea, sweet, with or without lemon was also a disgusting concept. Lemonade, if people wished to drink it. Lupin had to deal with squeezing the lemons, too. He had procured some Bourbon and Belial would, he imagined, not object if any leftover made its way to the bar. Mint juleps required it. Mint grew in the garden and sugar was a staple.

Having no sweet potatoes with which to make sweet potato pie, which seemed unpleasant anyway, he went with pecan pie. It was too sweet, but someone would eat it. Pound cake with whipped cream (another job for Lupin) and blackberry cobbler, which was enough like local fare for people to be willing to eat it. If he could have found watermelon, that would have been amusing. But messy, so just as well he hadn’t found it.

All in all, it was a great effort on his part, slave labour or no, and people had better appreciate it else he would be extremely put out.

"Let Wensleydale handle things in the kitchen, Lupin. The butcher will take care of serving the meat. You can clear plates and make sure the dishes are all filled." He had planned this. "The butcher's wife can help with drinks. The children have been disposed of."

Out of the way, nothing more sinister. Eating now, washing dishes later. Work for food, and a good trade on his part.

"Keep an eye on the biscuits, Wensleydale, and see that they don't burn. And make sure there is plenty of ice."

He turned.

"No, mint juleps are not sweets, get away from me, you silly child." Weren't they supposed to be on the far side of the lawn, eating their supper?

Attention Edit: As of this point the Devil's Spit sauce is no longer on the serving table but in Snape's hands, doled out by him. Please do not have your character get into it.

Comments

[tardis-lord.livejournal.com]

'Create' some? Ooo-kay...

"They're just sweets," he explained. "Well, e-numbers. They've got a dried-jelly-ish centre, and come in different colours and flavours. Each colour has a different character. The red ones are a little fellow in a cap with a B on the front, the pink ones are a crawling baby, the dark purple ones have a big heart, the yellow ones are crying..."

He paused. "I'll shut up before my craving gets so bad I start eating the table," he said.

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

Uriel concentrated on the description given to her. She had never seen such things before. However, such things indeed existed somewhere. If she could create real money without ever having seriously studied any…

With some effort she managed to sneak a few samples from the nearest shop selling them – which was not really that near – and smiled. After a second, she handed the Doctor a bowl filled with sweets.

“Here you go,” she said. “Is this enough for now?” After all, she definitely knew what sweets cravings could do to a person if they were left unfulfilled.

[tardis-lord.livejournal.com]

The Doctor's mouth dropped open in a fairly un-dashing way. He was amazed at what he had just witnessed: something being created out of thin air.

"That's... that's impossible..." he choked.

Tentatively he picked up one of the small pink jelly babies. He put it in his mouth and chewed. If anything, his amazement increased.

"How did you do that?" he gasped.

Not only were they jelly babies, they were the best jelly babies he had ever tasted. He put another one in his mouth. No doubt about it. The best.

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

”Impossible?” Uriel blinked. ”Why do you think so?” She really couldn’t understand what was so special about it. “It’s just a bit of divine power. Well, supernatural, actually, as demons can do it just as well.”

She glanced down at the bowl of jelly babies. “Of course, I needed a few samples,” she said, “but then again, I can create money without ever having really seen money I haven’t created myself. If it exists, I can pick a sample good enough for creating. It is really simple, you know. Just sample, create, and there you have it.” She smiled, then cocked her head to one side. “Are they right?” she asked, suddenly worried that the reason for his disbelief was that she had failed in her reproduction of his favourite sweet.

[tardis-lord.livejournal.com]

The Doctor moved almost supernaturally fast and snatched the bowl from her. "They're perfect," he said quickly. He took another one and closed his eyes. Yeek. Maybe he should have resisted the jelly baby craving, because the taste was bringing back memories. Sarah-Jane and K9 and that damned idiotic scarf. Back when Gallifrey was still around and hadn't been alone.

Because he was alone, you see. He surrounded himself with humans and robot dogs but, in his heart, he was alone. There was no other like him. Every time he became close to being with someone, they were gone, and he was yet again reminded of who he was. A Time Lord. Alone.

Everything has its time and everything dies.

He squeezed his eyes tighter. When he was sure he had mastered the urge not to cry he opened them again and gave Uriel a half-hearted smile.

"It's impossible to create things from mid-air, from nothing," he explained. "Or at least, it should be." He took another jelly baby - a pink one. "These are excellent."

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

"I'm glad you like them," Uriel said, smiling brightly. "I don't really understand why it should be impossible, though. To me, it's always been possible. It does make things a lot easier, especially when you've just been recorporated."

She was glad she could help the Doctor fulfil his craving. However, this reminded her of her own craving. Thus, in an effort not to shock the poor man anymore, she reached her hand into her pocket -- which was really surprised to exist, as it hadn't done so just a moment before -- and drew out an -- equally surprised -- apple, taking a bite of it.

It wasn't until then that she realized her companion was perhaps not in the best of moods. "What is wrong?" she asked, concerned. "Did I upset you somehow?"

[tardis-lord.livejournal.com]

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "Nothing comes from nothing," he said. "I know that. But I also know there are jelly babies here, and they are the best jelly babies I have ever, ever tasted..."

He bit the head off one thoughtfully.

He asked the TARDIS if she had done this on purpose, sent him to a place where he was less of a fish out of water and more of a salmon in space, where all his ideas were challenged.

She didn't answer.

"Hmm? Upset me?" He shrugged. "It's a bit of a shock, that's all. And some old memories. Don't worry," a smile, "I'll be okay."

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

"Great." Uriel smiled in relief. "I was worried I'd done something wrong." She didn't ask about the memories. She knew that sometimes memories were best left just that, memories. There was no need to drag them back to daylight.

"Is there anything else you'd like to have?" she then asked, again cheerful. Uh-oh. If she got any worse, she'd soon be forced to use the medicine. She didn't like doing that, but would rather risk the possible damage cause by the medicine than risk herself jumping out of the window. Only Michael had been able to stop her the last time around.

[tardis-lord.livejournal.com]

Anything else I'd like? I'd like Rose Tyler back, if you please. I'd like my companions never to have to leave, for me to have the strength to see them age and die instead of just abandoning them. I'd like the Time Lords back so I don't have to be alone. I'd like the Daleks to stay defeated for once.

But that was just impossible. Uriel was just one angel, and it would take more celestial power than Heaven had to right all the wrongs in the Doctor's life.

Hang on. Had he just admitted to the existence of Heaven?

Oh dear.

He had to get out of here.

He shook his head in answer to Uriel's question. "No, no," he said. "I'm alright." He smiled at her, trying to regain his happy-go-lucky composure. "Just dreading a bit of spring-cleaning, that's all."

My, he was pathetic. Couldn't even think of a decent excuse. Although, for the record, it was half true: the TARDIS needed cleaning out.

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

"Spring-cleaning? I don't think it's quite fair to call any cleaning mission that in the end of July, you know." Uriel shook her head, smiling. "If you'd like, though, I could help you, as long as it doesn't involve lifting anything heavy or something like that. I'd love to have something to do."

After a moment of thought, she added, "Well, I could help you if Loki isn't around. He seems convinced that spending time with you will get me kidnapped, raped, mutilated, or killed. Or any combination of those." She giggled. Loki was, she had come to notice, sometimes a bit of a worrier.

[tardis-lord.livejournal.com]

The Doctor's smile was a little forced, but he hoped nobody would notice. "It's July, is it?" he said. "Didn't know that. TARDIS didn't say. Alright, it's summer cleaning."

She was offering to help. Well, it wouldn't hurt to accept the offer, would it? The fact he accepted didn't mean he had to be around to see her promise fulfilled...

"Thanks," the Doctor said, "help would be great. I promise not to do any of the above to you," he said, still smiling. "Loki has no reason to worry. But I have to say, it's nice to see him so worried about you."

He gave her a lopsided grin. Just wait until the end of the barbecue, Doctor. Then you can leave and continue as you did before, as you always have. The wanderer without a home.

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

"I know you won't do anything," Uriel said, giggling a bit. "However, Loki might be a bit more difficult to convince." She smiled. "It is nice, yes. When we first met, he probably would have gladly killed me himself. Fortunately I've apparently managed to convince him of the fact that I'm no threat and really better off living. He is rather sweet in the end -- although he would die rather than admit that."

She was really, really glad that he had accepted her offer to help. She truly wanted something useful to do. "Just let me know when you are going to do the cleaning. As long as it isn't during a doctor's appointment, I'll be ready to help."

[tardis-lord.livejournal.com]

"Strange how people's feelings change, isn' it?" the Doctor said, a little hurriedly. What he really needed was time alone to process all this. And, yes, to leave. Possibly at any other time he would have delighted in all this, but now...?

It was too soon. Too soon after Rose, too soon after the Satan Pit.* He just wasn't ready.

He bit into another jelly baby. "Will do," he answered. "How is the baby, anyway?"


___
* From the episodes The Impossible Planet and The Satan Pit, in which the Doctor defeats a monster very much like our own devil.

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

Uriel's expression brightened even more at the mention of her baby. "Oh, the baby is fine," she said. "It's kicking, too, although apparently not strongly enough to feel it on the outside yet." She placed a hand lovingly on her round belly. "It's wonderful to feel it, you know. At one point I almost thought there isn't anything in there after all, but now I definitely know. Of course, the ultrasound helps too."

Her smile turned from delighted to slightly dreamy. "I can hardly wait until it's big enough for be to teach it to fly."

[tardis-lord.livejournal.com]

"Fly? Oh, of course, fly," the Doctor said. "Yes, fly. Very nice. Has it got wings yet? Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?"

Ultrasounds of an angelic baby. Wow, that must have surprised the doctor. How did angels get pregnant, anyway? Weren't they supposed to be pure? Weren't they supposed to be male?

Hmm. Maybe that was why you never heard about pregnant angels; the Lord had taken precautions...

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

"Oh, yes, it does," Uriel replied happily. She reached into her still existing pocket to get the pictures she always carried with herself. (She had managed to get them back from Loki, though she'd 'accidentally' left him one.) "It quite clearly has wings already. Of course, I managed to convince the doctor that it was just some kind of a mistake. I don't think I'll have any more ultrasounds, though," she said, a bit disappointed. "I don't want anybody labelling my child as deformed. And it's too early to tell the gender yet, so I guess I'll just have to wait until it's born to find out."

She showed him one of the pictures (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v87/Draconn_Malfoy/angelbaby.jpg). "Isn't it just adorable?" she asked.

[tardis-lord.livejournal.com]

The Doctor had to admit it was. He wondered what it would look like when it was born; if it would have its mother's dark hair and vivid green eyes, or any of its father's features. (Who was the father, anyway?)

"I could help with the ultrasounds," his mouth said before he could stop it. Damn. "The screwdriver can do just about anything."

He was going to pull it out of his trench coat pocket and demonstrate, but it meant risking the bowl of jelly babies so he didn't. "Who's the father?" he asked casually.

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

"Could you really?" Uriel asked, delighted. "I'd love that."

His question, however, made her turn serious. "Nobody," she replied briefly. "Nobody as far as I'm concerned. This is my child, and mine alone. Its father will have nothing to do with it." She spread the fingers of the hand she had over her belly in a protective gesture. She would indeed protect her child from anybody and anything -- yes, even Pestilence, should the need arise. She still loved him, but her child's wellbeing was more important to her.

[tardis-lord.livejournal.com]

"I could indeed," the Doctor replied. Drat. Now he really couldn't escape, and would feel terribly guilty if he left without helping Uriel.

He shrugged at her outburst. "Fair enough," he said. "I always find it annoying when on soaps and things men ask if the baby is theirs. Their not the ones who have to carry it and give birth, are they? Nope. That's the female's job." He patted the angel's shoulder (an angel! Of all things!). "Good on you. Paving a path for single mothers everywhere."

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

Uriel smiled a bit. "Everybody who tells me a baby has to have a father is welcome to talk with my daggers," she said. "Or, alternatively, Odin -- my other brother, that is. He seems quite convinced he's definitely enough of a male rolemodel for my child, and he doesn't take disagreements very well. If I can carry it for nine months and give birth to it, then I should definitely be able to take care of it after it's born, especially as I have two brothers to help me."

If Loki still lived when her baby was born. Except that he had to live.

[tardis-lord.livejournal.com]

"Good on you," the Doctor repeated. "Yes, very good on you indeed."

He stopped, sweet halfway to his mouth. "Odin?" he said. Loki, Odin... and that cat-woman, she had called herself Bast, hadn't she?

Angels. Demons. And gods.

Oh my. In all seriousness this time.

"Odin's your brother?" the Doctor managed. Well, that was certainly left out of the Bible, and no mistake.

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

"Yes, he is my brother," Uriel replied calmly. "He adopted me as his sister. Well, actually, his brother -- around that time I still was genderless most of the time, although as I more resembled a male than a female, I was referred to as he. And, as Loki is his adopted brother, that makes Loki my brother, too. Lately, he hasn't even been protesting too much about that."

[tardis-lord.livejournal.com]

The Doctor's expression could only really be described as wide-eyed amazement, although truthfully there was a lot more to it. It wasn't just amazement, it was mixed with the expression of one who doesn't really believe what they have heard and are having trouble getting their head around it if they do.

"Okay," he said slowly. "That's a lot of information."

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

"A lot?" Uriel frowned. "I thought it was fairly simple. Is there something you don't understand? Or," she added, remembering some of his comments on the day he arrived, "something you don't believe? I'd never had a gender before I came to the Manor, you know. Right now I can't change into a male or genderless, due to my pregnancy, but in those forms I'm quite a bit taller. And less feminine-looking, I've been told."

[tardis-lord.livejournal.com]

"I believe you, alright," the Doctor answered. I think. Oh, I wish I didn't; that would make this all the more simple. "And I might understand. You were an angel - an asexual angel, but looked mostly male - and somehow you became pregnant and can't turn back until the baby's born. I can understand the basics, I just..."

He looked up at the sky. For once, the British sky was not clouded over with rain, but bright and blue. "It's hard when you find your whole way of thinking was, to all intents and purposes, wrong."

He smiled weakly at Uriel. "I just need to think about this."