neutral_omens | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

Date: June 18, 2000
Setting: Behind the Greenhouse
Status: Private (Crowley, Ellie, possibly Aziraphale)
Summary: Crowley has some questions for the resident succubus

When Crowley awoke early from the afternoon nap he'd become accustomed to taking*, he was faintly annoyed. He could usually sleep as long as he wanted to and wake exactly when he wanted to. Why he couldn't this particular afternoon was a mystery. But after fifteen minutes of tossing and turning, he threw the covers back and got up. A quick glance at the clock told him that it was an hour until the angel could leave, so he stared in the mirror at his mussed hair trying to figure out how to kill the time. A look out the window seemed to indicate that it was a nice, clear, warm day and a walk in the greenhouse might help to clear his head, so he adjusted his clothes, fixed his hair, put on his sunglasses, and headed outside.

The greenhouse was much like it had been in January when he'd had his ill fated encounter with Michael and Raphael, but a lot had happened since then. Still, the plants were thriving with all the direct sunlight and he only had to water one or two of them to keep them from burning up. A tour of the glass room took him to the back door and he opened it just out of curiosity to see where it led. He was rewarded for it, too, because there was a half-asleep Ellie sunning herself in a secluded little clearing wearing nothing but a scrap of fabric below her waist.

With a grin, Crowley sat down on the fluffy towel beside her.

"Hey, Ellie. Good to see you. You know, I'm glad you're here. I've been meaning to ask you about a couple of things. You wouldn't know anything about a black kitten with a white paw, would you?"

He spoke quickly, smiling, hoping she'd be lured into saying something because she was confused and drowsy. If she didn't, it was no big deal, but he couldn't pass up the advantage. He was a demon, after all.

*There being really nothing else to do around the Manor until Aziraphale got off of work.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Kitten?" Ellie lifted her head and blinked drowsily, only moderately startled at having her near-nap suddenly interrupted by an unusually effusive Crowley.

For a moment she was genuinely confused. Then her encounter with the fluffball came back to her, and she covered the moment of realization with a yawn that was only half-contrived. "Sorry, not a cat person. Why, have you got one?"

She hoped if Aziraphale hadn't talked him into keeping the critter, he'd at least turned it over to someone who would treat it kindly.

"Yeah," Crowley said, still faintly smiling. "I found it in my room with a bow around its neck a couple of weeks ago. But I'm not a cat person either, so I gave it to Dog to chase around. He hasn't been getting much exercise lately, or that's what Adam said, so I thought I'd get him moving and get rid of a problem at the same time. You know, he may not look like a hell-hound any more, but damn if he's not vicious with small prey. Tore that thing apart in less than a minute. I was hoping the little girl could hold out longer. Oh well." He shrugged and surreptitiously watched Ellie's reaction.

Actually, Crowley was getting used to the small cat's presence in his room. He liked watching her comical expressions when she was puzzled, which was often, and found that rubbing her furry head was soothing for both of them. She didn't seem to mind him either, and that was unusual for animals. Rather than avoiding him, she often clambered into his lap and promptly fell asleep. It was odd, but the demon was quickly adjusting.

Ellie's eyes narrowed reflexively, though she managed to keep any other reaction off her face, and she eyed the other demon critically for a moment, trying to decide whether to believe him.

Then a slow smile worked its way across her face as she reached out and carefully plucked something off the front of Crowley's jacket. "Must have made one hell of a mess," she observed, "if you still haven't managed to get the cat hair off your clothes..."

"A souvenir of my cruelty?" he tried, but couldn't hold it. Crowley laughed. "No, you're right. Aziraphale made me keep the stupid thing. And I'm guessing you were counting on that. Clever bit with the tartan bow. I guess you do know that daft angel pretty well." It was said affectionately. "But just a little too clever, sweetheart. There are only a couple of you who know about us, so it wasn't hard to narrow down the choices and it really didn't seem like John's style."

"I admit to nothing," Ellie said with a haughty tilt of her chin. "But supposing I had happened to come across a kitten all by itself out here, I don't know who else I'd trust with it. Except maybe Adam, and he's got Dog." She yawned again and flipped over onto her back, stretching languidly. "So was there anything else you wanted, Oh Merciless One? Or are you going to be sensible and grab a patch of ground while the sun's shining?"

It was a good enough answer for him. At least the giver hadn't meant him or Aziraphale any harm. In fact...

"You thought I'd be a trustworthy pet owner? Before anyone else in the Manor apart from Adam? Why on earth would you think that? I've never had an animal before. They usually flee before me. Chicago doesn't, though. She's a weird little thing."

Crowley grinned at the invitation, pulled off his jacket, and unbuttoned his shirt. It had been too long since he'd lain in the sun and something in his reptilian hindbrain enjoyed it very much. He wadded the clothes to use as a pillow and lay beside the beautiful demoness looking up at the faint whisps of cloud overhead.

"I like that title, though. You're welcome to call me 'Merciless One' any time you like. It's got a nice ring to it."

"You named her Chicago?" Ellie laughed, shutting her eyes and basking happily in the warm sunshine, which was rare enough in England that one should appreciate it when it happened. "And I don't know, I just had a hunch. Call it demoness' intuition. Plus she looks rather like you, I guess I took it as a sign."

Crowley shrugged, which Ellie could probably feel better than see as they were lying so close together on the towel. "Seemed appropriate somehow. She looked like a Chicago. It's got alliteration working for it and classy, jazzy, urban connotations."

Then he spluttered. "Looks like me? I don't think so. I haven't got hair growing out of my ears, thank you very much."

Ellie grinned. "And she doesn't wear sunglasses, but I stand by my claim. Look at her and then look in a mirror some time. You should have seen her glaring at me with those pretty yellow eyes when I first picked her up..."

"Just because we both have yellow eyes and dark fur, uh, hair, it doesn't mean that there's anything more than the slightest resemblance," refuted Crowley, but without rancor. The sun was too warm for that. He was quickly approaching that warm-all-over melty phase and tried to keep hold of his thoughts before they flew away.

"Anyway, there was something else I wanted to talk to you about. I've heard rumours that succubi know all the good secrets..."

"All the best ones," Ellie confirmed sleepily. "Though I'll admit I've been out of the loop for a while, I've still got a few tucked away. You shopping for one in particular or just secrets in general?"

"I need some dirt on Duke Ligur," said Crowley, getting right to the point. Ellie would understand why soon enough and there was no need for subtlety. "Not about his disturbing love life. Everyone in Dis knows about that, but something I can use to blackmail him. Something undemonic. If you know anything like that or can think of a way to find out, I'd be in your debt."

Ellie nodded, well aware of why Crowley might want such information. Frankly, she was surprised he hadn't gone after Ligur long before now. Had it not been for Adam's truce, and if it hadn't really been Crowley's score to settle anyway, Ellie would long since have given the Duke something a lot more unpleasant than a spiked kiss to remember her by.

"Well there's Sugarplum, of course," she started, assuming Crowley must already know about the tentacle monster. Her presence had scarcely been kept a secret for the months she'd been housed in the Manor's pool. "Let me see..."

Crowley turned his head to stare at her through dark lenses. "Sugarplums? What about them? He's got a sweet tooth?"

That wouldn't help much. Ligur could just claim it as gluttony, though he was supposed to be encouraging it in humans rather than indulging in it himself. They all dabbled in the sins occasionally, however.

Ellie half-opened her eyes and looked over at Crowley in surprise. "Not the candy, the tentacle monster. His pet." It was always a bit difficult to judge with the sunglasses, but up this close she could make out his blank look fairly well. "What, all the time you've been here and you haven't once gone for a swim?"

"He has a pet tentacle monster named Sugarplum."

Crowley spoke flatly as though repeating the words would help him understand the concept. It didn't.

"And no, I don't swim."

He wouldn't have called it a water phobia, really, but in general, he and water Did Not Get Along. From incidents as momentous as the Flood and his holy water soaked flat, to being seasick on numerous sailing ships and getting his clothing ruined in the rain, he'd had trouble with large quantities of water in the past and tended to avoid it if at all possible.

"So, you're trying to tell me that Duke Ligur is keeping a pet tentacle monster here at the Manor. In that swimming pool in the basement. And he's named it Sugarplum? How can Adam allow that? Those things are a menace. It could savage anyone who wandered too close."

"Hah. The only thing that has reason to fear Sugarplum is a marshmallow. She's only a baby, and Ligur hasn't got the first clue how to train her--not that he could by this time." Ellie smirked, having been party to subverting the Duke's efforts in that direction for some time now. "She's spoiled rotten. Everybody from the Manor staff to the Severer has been feeding her and playing with her. She's not in the pool anymore; he moved her to a tank in the cellar, poor thing, but he was foolish enough to let me have a spare key. She doesn't lack for bad good influences.

"And if you do anything with that information that gets Sugarplum hurt," she added severely, "or if it gets back to Ligur that I told you any of this, I will never speak to you again."

Crowley laughed then, low and heavy, his earlier good humour restored.

"Half the Manor has been spoiling Ligur's pet baby tentacle monster with marshmallows? How did I not know about this? It's perfect. He won't want that spread around."

He grinned an evil little grin.

"Don't worry, I won't get her hurt. And I'm hardly going to tell him where I got the information. Give me some credit here. You have a key you say? Can you get me in to see her? If I work this right, I can find out who gave that pathetic little bastard the orders to torch Aziraphale's shop."

"It cost me dearly, but yes." Ellie wrinkled her nose at the memory of that transaction. "I think it can be arranged." She let her head drop back and relaxed. "Think finding that out will lead anywhere useful?"

"I'm not even going to ask," said Crowley, catching her expression. Then he sighed. "I don't know. There's a pattern here, but I'm just not seeing all of it. It's like a puzzle that has some of the middle filled in, but I can't find the edges yet. Might help to have more of the pieces.

"I did trace my side from Michael, to Gabriel, to the Metatron, but the tiny moron left before I knew and I never got the chance to question him about where he got the orders from. He's not bright enough to think of it himself, and like I told Gabriel, if He wanted me gone, I'd be gone. So who does that leave? Maybe if I know who told Ligur to do it I can find the connection I'm missing. And if not, well, it should be amusing at any rate."

"Well the last I remember, the Metatron only takes orders from one place," Ellie said slowly, frowning. "So if He didn't want you gone, maybe He was after something else? I don't know, I never really understood how the higher eschelons worked Up There even in the old days. Ligur, though, he'd probably accept orders from an imp if it was intimidating enough. That line of inquiry's liable to take you on a merry chase."

He had to grin at the image of Ligur taking orders from a particularly intimidating imp. "I don't care where it leads," said Crowley, "so long as it leads somewhere. I want answers and I'm willing to take my time to get them. There's something suspicious going on and I want to know what it is."

Then he grew thoughful, bending one knee to bring up a leg. "And I know the Metatron only takes orders from Him, but he's also a moron. It wouldn't be hard to trick him, I think, and I wouldn't be surprised if that turned out to be the case. I don't accept that it's just Him doing his little mind-fuck thing. Not if it's my and Aziraphale's arses directly on the line."

Ellie wondered whether that meant Crowley couldn't believe He was capable of that level of callousness (surely he knew better?) or if he was simply choosing to disregard a possibility he didn't like. It also occurred to her to ask where Crowley and Aziraphale would be and what they would be doing right now if they had never been attacked, but that line of questioning could be taken to imply a degree of faith or trust in the Plan that she didn't feel, so she didn't.

"Well if you do figure it out, let me know. I wouldn't mind giving whoever was behind it a piece of my mind too. After you're finished with them, of course."

"If you're interested in yelling at unidentifiable bits, then you're more than welcome to give them a piece of your mind when I'm done," replied Crowley far more smugly than he felt.

He didn't know what he'd do if the trail went back to someone like Beelzebub or Lucifer on Hell's side or God on Heaven's. It said something about his time at the Manor, though, that Crowley was no longer afraid of the archangels and their significantly greater powers. Sure, they could flatten him with nothing more than a thought, but only one had tried it and felt guilty enough to heal him afterwards. He didn't think Gabriel or Uriel would do the same unless it was in self-defense or in the defense of others and he didn't plan on doing anything to make them react.

Still, all he could do for now was gather the pieces and see where the picture led.

"Having fun?" Aziraphale's unmistakeable tones inquired, somewhere near Crowley's right ear.

He'd crept up on the unsuspecting duo, looking far too relaxed in the afternoon sunshine to be allowed. Aziraphale straightened up from his crouched position to glance at Ellie.

"Hello, my dear," he added, touching his forehead reflexively as if to touch his cap to her. "We need to stop meeting like this," he told her gravely in his English voice. "Well, you, ah, unclothed with Crowley here, partially unclothed. Those are quite nice trousers, love."

He stood up, surveying their faces. "My, don't you both look suddenly guilty. I was only teasing, you know. What on earth were you so intently discussing out here that you didn't even notice my approach? I'm not precisely subtle. Indeed, I tripped over that bush over there and nearly dropped dearest-" he reached inside his own jacket, where one hand was cradling the dozing kitten, and pulled "-Chicago."

"You know," the angel continued, gazing up at the sky as he cradled the purring animal, "any other succubus, or any other demon that I found together like this I'd be slightly worried." He smiled, pausing and allowing them to compose themselves as they saw fit. "I can't tell if this says more about me or you two."

Ellie shot upright with an undignified squeak at the sound of the angel's voice, and felt her face redden at his teasing implications. Not least because they would have been absolutely accurate, under just about any other circumstances.

"If we were any other demon and succubus, I'd say you would have other things to worry about than our state of dress. Clearly, I need to find a new place to sunbathe," she grumbled, crossing her arms rather pointlessly across her bare breasts. She still hadn't worked out why Aziraphale, of all people, brought out what little modesty she possessed when his partner seemed to have precisely the opposite effect, but it was bloody annoying when the two of them were in the same general vicinity. "There's altogether too much traffic back here lately.

"And we were talking about pets, actually. Hello, Chicago," she added, smiling at the tiny purring fluffball the angel held. Clearly she'd made herself right at home with her unlikely pair of new roommates.

"Give her to me," exclaimed Crowley, sitting up and snatching Chicago from Aziraphale's grasp. "What the hell are you doing bringing her out here? You almost dropped her?" He examined the little thing quickly, making sure she was all right before petting her fuzzy head, trying to calm them both. "She stays inside from now on, angel. This is not negotiable."

Aziraphale was standing directly in front of the sun and the demon had to blink against it in order to bring the angel's face into focus. "What's your problem anyway? I don't barge in on the two of you in the library when you're talking."

The fact that Aziraphale had made Ellie feel uncomfortable when she had no reason to be, and that he'd done this to him once before with another friend, was making Crowley thoroughly annoyed.

"I didn't realize the grounds were off-limits to everyone else. Terribly sorry," Aziraphale said icily, his momentarily stunned look gone. "Anyway, I was looking for you. I wanted to invite you to supper. I went to the rooms and Chicago looked a little lonely." His face softened. "I took her along. I wasn't expecting to have to look outside. Do you have any idea what time it is?"

He glanced at Ellie*, face apologetic. "I am sorry I interrupted you both. I see Crowley has spoken to you about her. Isn't she absolutely adorable?"

*He didn't look quite at her. It wasn't that he was uncomfortable with her nakedness, or that he had never seen a woman's naked body before**. And it certainly was not because she was unattractive! It was only that Aziraphale was simply and wholly uncomfortable with "girl bits". Crowley was clearly far more comfortable than he was.
**He hadn't seen one recently.

"He's a darling," Ellie agreed, subdued. She didn't like the belligerent tension she felt crackling in the air between the angel and the demon, and couldn't help but feel at least partly responsible for it--although in all fairness, at least this time, she hadn't done anything. Well, except invite Crowley to sunbathe with her, but he could have miracled up his own damn towel.

Feeling exposed, she unobtrusively conjured herself into jeans and a t-shirt, hoping they'd simmer down and go to dinner or...something that didn't involve speaking so coldly to each other.

The demon rolled his eyes and continued giving his attention to Chicago. "No, I don't know what time it is. Time to be unfairly accused of things and interrupted, apparently."

"It's half past seven. And when I saw you here I was worried you might have fallen asleep and gone all red from the sun."

He turned to Ellie, suddenly reminded. "You're not sunburnt, are you dear? I'd hate to think such nice skin would be ruined by too much sun. I know of some wonderful moisturizers and skincreams, if you're ever in need. I think I might have some - you do like mango?" An embarrassed cough from Crowley's end stopped his monologue.

"And anyway, Crowley, I daresay it is time for supper. Did you want to go in and have a few drinks? We can take Chicago in and perhaps Ellie would be kind enough to join us."

"Demons don't get sunburn," sighed Crowley, but he knew it was a lost cause. Aziraphale got like this sometimes (could it be jealousy? over Ellie?? hell, the angel spent as much time with her as he did...) and the only thing to do was play along. He stood, picking up his clothes in one hand and holding the kitten carefully in the other. "Fine, but I need to stop by the room first."

"I'm fine," Ellie assured the angel, plastering a bright smile on her face. "Thank you for the invitation, Aziraphale dear, but I think I'm going to have to take a rain check. I've been dreadfully lazy, I should go and take care of...things. Enjoy your dinner."

Avoiding Aziraphale's eyes, she threw Crowley an apologetic look, picked up her towel, and headed back to the Manor.

Aziraphale watched her go, then glanced at Crowley. "I'll take her," the angel said quietly as he watched Crowley try to pick up his clothes. The demon passed Chicago back, and Aziraphale cuddled her - carefully.

"To supper, then?"

"To supper," agreed Crowley resignedly, waving a goodbye to Ellie. "Lead on, angel, I follow."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only