(no subject)

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

Date: April 21st, 2000
Setting: Odin and Loki’s room
Status: Pivate (Loki and Odin) (Complete)
Summary: Loki has an appointment to keep.




He didn't know whether it was the headache or the sickness that had woken him, but either way it was a good thing, because he'd planned to get up early and take his leave while Odin was still fast asleep. He hadn't planned to start the day vomiting into the toilet, but t wasn't like that had never happened before.

He took a quick shower and got dressed in the bathroom so Odin wouldn't hear him moving around and wake up.

Then he noticed that he'd forgotten his pills in his dash for the toilet. Ah well, no problem. He took a glass of water back out with him. The pills were at the bottom of his backpack, but he had enough practice getting them from there and slipping them back in that it was no problem to do it in the dark.

The empty water glass could attract attention, but he didn't want to risk going back into the bathroom again. To much door opening and closing might wake Odin. Instead he slipped it under the couch, threw the backpack over his shoulder and sneaked to the door. The next bus to London would leave in a little under an hour and he ought to be at the hospital in ample time for his appointment. The money he'd won cheating at poker down in the bar would hopefully cover the trip and the hospital bill and he'd be back by tomorrow evening. He'd feed Odin some story about spending the night with a pretty girl from town.

Comments

[allfather-odin.livejournal.com]

Wednesday watched from his good eye, snoring convincingly, as Loki did his little morning routine. He knew that Loki had been up to something. When Loki finally left, Odin swung his legs over the side of the bed and prowled around the room. If only he knew what Loki was on. The pills could be anything, and how he would deal with his brother depended on them. He guessed they were either barbituates of quaaludes. Loki had seemed mellow since coming here, so it obviously wasn't uppers or screamers. He bent over to pick up the glass from behind the couch and placed it prominantly on the coffee table. He would confront Loki about it when he returned.

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

Loki didn’t return until Saturday afternoon and when he did he didn’t even notice the glass on the table. In fact, he didn’t notice much of anything as he walked in, flung his backpack into a corner and curled up in a miserable Loki-ball on Odin’s bed.

Now this doctor was talking about chemotherapy, too. He didn’t want chemotherapy. The book in the library said that it didn’t just make you worse, it also made you lose your hair. If that happened Odin would no doubt notice. Everybody would notice.

Loki wanted to cry, but he did still have his pride. And Odin could come in any moment. If he caught him crying or red-eyed he’d ask questions. Loki didn’t want to deal with any questions today.

In fact he didn’t want to deal with anything at all. He pulled the blanket over himself and tried to sleep.

[allfather-odin.livejournal.com]

Wednesday could tell that Loki was back. The feeling of his blood brother had again become familiar to his senses. Walking up from the bar, he walked into his room, expecting to see Loki with a girl or looking through his stuff. It came as a complete surprise that Loki was, instead, curled into the foetal position under a blanket.

Wednesday walked over to where Loki was perched in his bed. He thought about shaking the living daylights out of his brother, but there was a feeling about him. Wednesday had sensed it for a while, now. The drugs, probably, he thought to himself.

Thats right, he was going to look at the bottle. See if he could get any hints to what kind of barbituates Loki was on.

Digging through the backpack, he was again surprised. It was a perscription bottle. That didn't make sense. Loki of prescription pain-killers? That wasn't Loki's style. But then her read the label. 'Prednisone,' it said. A steroid. Wednesday was now truly baffled. What the fuck was Loki doing with steroids? He didn't look like he was trying to beef up. Wednesday was at a loss.

He put the pills back and sat down in a chair, waiting to see if Loki would wake up.

Sorry, for the change of posts, but I only saw the challenge after I'd posted.

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

They were back in Asgard and there was a celebration going on. Loki wasn’t quite sure what they were celebrating, but it didn’t matter. It was fun.

Until Odin turned to him and regarded him with a deep frown. “What’s happening with your hair? That looks terrible.”

Oh damn! His hair was falling out and everybody was staring at him in disgust.

He drew his hand through his hair nervously and it all came loose, stuck to his palm for a moment and then fell to the floor. And they were all watching accusingly.

Okay, time for a clever lie. But ... he couldn’t lie anymore! There was a spell on him forcing him to tell the truth.

He tried to stop himself, say nothing at all, but somehow he had no more control over his body and it all spilled out.

“It’s from the medicines.” he heard himself say. “Chemotherapy. I’ve got cancer, you see. Leukaemia. I’m dying, Odin, and I’m so scared.”

“Then what are you still doing here?” Odin yelled at him. “Asgard is only for the strong and healthy and you, you are pathetic. Did you think you could cheat us forever, you worthless weakling? Leave this place, you worm! Get out of my eyes!”

“But Odin, I’m your brother.” he pleaded. “You swore ...”

“Brother?” a new voice rang out over the laughter of the other gods around him. They’d never liked Loki, only tolerated him on Odin’s orders, and were thoroughly enjoying the show. “Why would Odin want a worthless thing like you? He has me now, his real brother.”

“Uriel!” Odin’s face lit up with pride and joy at the sight of his favourite blood-brother. “It is good to see you. Did you have a good hunt?”

“Oh yes, indeed.” Uriel smiled at Odin happily. “But come and see what else I brought back from my trip. You are not going to believe this.”

“Did you find treasure then?” beautiful Freya asked flirtatiously. “Or have you brought us another battle trophy? You are such a hero!”

Uriel put his arm around Odin’s shoulder and led him away. Desperately Loki tried to follow along with everybody else, but his legs were so weak. They buckled and he fell to his knees.

“No, Odin, please wait!” he called out, but they didn’t even seem to remember that he was there anymore and all he could do was curl up and cry.

It took him a moment to realise that the was curled up in a big soft bed with black sheets and not on the hard stone floor back in Asgard.

No problem

[allfather-odin.livejournal.com]

Wednesday watched the change come over Loki as the being slowly deteriorated from blissful sleep to night-terror. This was far out of Odin's experience. In all their long history together, Loki had never seemed vulnerable nor helpless. The triskster hadn't even shoed as much emotion when he was bound with his own son's entrails and suffered snake venom dripping into his eye. Climbing out of his chair, Wednesday went to sit on the bed next to Loki. For a moment he was at a loss as to what to do. Uriel was easy. They had met when the angel was vulnerable, and therefore Odin had simply done what he could. Loki and he had such a long and varied history, though. He didn't wish to show weakness to his brother by showing kindness, but as Loki continued to cry in his sleep, he put his hesitation aside and ran a hand through Loki's short-cropped hair.

"Shh, Loki. Wake up. Its alright." and just to lighten the mood, he added, "you're getting tears all over my sheets and I just had them laundered."

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

At first it seemed to work. Loki relaxed a little and pressed into the touch. The hint of a smile began to form on his lips.

Then he woke up fully.

He sat up with a start and drew away from Odin. “Sorry! Didn’t mean to ... Just a stupid nightmare.” He tried to laugh it off, but even a complete stranger would have noticed that it was faked.

Just wondering, do you want to address the 'false god' thing?Odin was being sarcastic to Uriel, btw

[allfather-odin.livejournal.com]

Wednesday saw through Loki's smile easily enough. There was a lot Loki wasn't telling him, that he was sure of. It was infrequent that Odin didn't know what to do, but this was one of those times. His gut told him to press Loki, force him with cunning, charms and violence to tell him exactly what he wanted to know. Another part of him, a part that was new, a part that he wasn't sure he entirely liked, told him that maybe that wasn't the best idea in the world. He settled somewhere in the middle by cuffing Loki's shoulder gruffly, but then looking serious.

"Loki, You know I trust you a lot less far than I can throw you. But I'm going to ask anyway. Tell me whats really going on."

Maybe later. Here's another issue.

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

"It was really just a bad dream, Odin." Loki said more calmly now. "I get those sometimes."

He hesitated. There was a completely true story he could tell, but they never touched that subject. It was too painful for both of them, he suspected though Odin had never said so outright.

What the heck. Maybe that was exactly what it'd take to stop Odin from digging deeper.

"Usually it's the children. At first I'm playing with them, or we're having dinner, or something. Just a normal happy dream. But then something happens. Sometimes it's a monster that swallows them, or the earth opens up between us. Sometimes ... sometimes you kill them." He winced seeing Odin's reaction. "I know it didn't happen that way and I don't want to blame you or anything. It's in the past, over and done with. It just comes back in my dreams sometimes."

[allfather-odin.livejournal.com]

The Odin of older times would have laughed at Loki's admission. Wednesday, however, was not that god anymore. Not completely, and so he did get a twinge in his gut when Loki mentioned him killing his children.

"I did what had to be done, Loki. Just as you did. The Wyrd sisters were sick bitches, but it was out fate."

"For what its worth, though, I wish it hadn't had to have been like that. I know the feeling of loss." He looked away, but remained where he sat on the bed.

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

"I told you I don't blame you. How could I? Just ..." He leaned his forehead against Odin's shoulder. This was comforting, even if Odin had no idea what was really on his mind. "Well, you asked and I told you. Don't worry about it."

[allfather-odin.livejournal.com]

Odin didn't know quite how to react to Loki's intimate act. The old god usually broke down actions into two groups... potentially threatening or potentially sexual. This was neither. It was the act of a true brother. An act of, (dare he think it?) trust. Tentatively he wrapped an arm around Loki's shoulder and patted gently.

"Shouldn't I be worried, brother? You haven't been yourself since you've come here. And I still don't buy your reasons for being here in the first place." Wednesday was traveling down unknown psychological paths. Neither he nor Loki could ever really claim to be 'sensitive males,' but it seemed like perhaps that was what necessary at the moment. Digging in his long memory for any psychobabble he could remember he muttered (partially disgusted with himself) "Would you like to talk about it?"

He couldn't help that there was a slightly nauseated look on his face as he asked.

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

Loki thought for a moment. Maybe it would be nice to talk about his real dream, tell Odin of his fears and the stupid doctors and medicines, but he couldn't do that. He just knew Odin wouldn't want a sick brother clinging to him all the time.

"That's not really our style." he told Odin shaking his head a little, but without removing it from Odin's shoulder. "Can you just stay here for a bit, though? I ... uh ... I think it might help me get back to sleep."

[allfather-odin.livejournal.com]

Wednesday rubbed his hand up and down Loki's arm. With all this practice he might actually begin to care about people.

"Course. Um, yeah, you just settle down. I'll stay around til you fall asleep." Wednesday muttered, eventually swinging his legs up onto the bed so that he was leaning against the headboard, Loki's head dipping into the crook of his arm. On a sudden impulse, he ran a rand through Loki's short-cropped hair.

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

This was an extremely unexpected development, but not at all unpleasant. Loki snuggled up against Odin and closed his eyes. Sometimes it felt good to be babied.

"Thanks." he whispered almost inaudibly.

Tense muscles relaxed, breathing turned more regular and was that a soft purr coming from him? Nah, can't be. Norse gods don't purr like sweet, fluffy kittens.

[allfather-odin.livejournal.com]

Odin was a little taken aback by the soft purring noise that suddenly filled the air. His head turned, looking to see if one of Freyja's cats had suddenly materialized.*

He realized quickly, though, that the sound was coming not from outside his vision, but from within. It was Loki, purring like a little kitten; gentle and vulnerable in a way that Loki would never allow himself to be seen normally. This more than anything convinced Odin that something was not right with his brother.

Odin continued to rub his hand through Loki's hair, simply maintaining the steady rhythm as the other god drifted off into sleep.

*Don't ask why he thought that. He hadn't seen Freyja for a long time, but whenever he saw a kitten or cat he thought of Freyja's felines.