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[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Date: February 28, 2000
Setting: The hallway
Status: Private: Raphael, Mictain
Summary: A chance meeting.



When he returned, he found them all dead, each of the manor's inhabitants laid out in a line. He ran to each, touched them and tried to revive them but to no avail. At the sight of the mutilation even he grew vaguely ill.

Then he seemed to realized that the place was burning. He followed the trail of bodies and it occured to him that one was missing...

There was laughter in a cloud of smoke and it parted to reveal two beings, both of whom he knew.

Mictain had his sword drawn.

"He's mine so I can make him do anything you know. Even kill you." Mictain raised his sword and behind him Lucifer's eyes shone hideously.

"Even this."

With a swift motion, Mictain slit his own throat and blood poured out. Raphael darted forward but Lucifer pushed the body aside and lashed out...

Raphael woke, gasping. It had been a nightmare, another one. He reached out...

The bed was empty. That was right. That bit hadn't been a dream. The healer shivered; it suddenly seemed very cold. But then again, it did every night.

Feeling distracted, he decided to go down to the kitchen and get a drink. He was far too nervous to trust himself to properly miracle it and a walk would do him good.

He left his room, looking sadly at the door next to his and made his way sleepily down the hallway...

Until he felt the aura and froze.

Comments

[demon-mictain.livejournal.com]

Mictain wandered down the hallways with no specific destination. He was deep in thought, well, what passed as deep in thought to him, which meant that he was actually thinking hard enough to be conscious of doing so. Whatever else may have changed, something was still the same.

He couldn't sleep.

That had never been a problem in all his millennia of existence; thanks to his duties he was often exhausted and had easily settled to the habit of sleeping from the first time he'd needed rest. Now, however, he found himself unable to sleep.

This fact, he told himself over and over, had nothing to do with the absence of a smaller, warm body in his bed. Absolutely nothing.

If he told it to himself often enough, he might actually believe it.

Suddenly he felt another aura nearby -- a very familiar one at that. An outside observer might have noticed his eyes flashing like small red flames before settling down again.

Mictain turned around the corner and saw Raphael, sweet and beautiful as ever, standing there like a statue. A tiny smirk forming on his lips -- oh, but wasn't the angel pretty -- he stopped walking too, running a hand through his hair in a gesture that didn't show a bit of nervousness. (Of course he wasn't nervous. He wasn't. Absolutely not. The mere thought was ridiculous.)

"Well, if it isn't Raphael," he said, well aware of fangs flashing as he spoke. Let the angel properly see what he'd become because of him, he decided, crossing his arms over his t-shirt-clad chest, tapping his claws against one arm. "What exactly are you doing here in the middle of a night? Aren't you worried that something nasty might find you?"

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

A strangled sound of panic erupted from Raphael's throat and he backed up against the wall, trying to find and sink into whatever shadows were available. He shivered and looked away from whatever it was the angel had become; he'd been avoiding him out of fear and to run into him, alone and at night, was an absolute disaster.

"I just got up for a drink," he said in a small, apologetic voice. "I don't want to disturb you. That's it. And we're in the mansion," he reminded him. "So just let me go on my way.

OK?" He whispered.

[demon-mictain.livejournal.com]

Mictain raised an eyebrow. So the angel was afraid of him now, eh? Well, that was definitely new -- after all, earlier Raphael had just led him around like he'd been a dog on a leash. And he'd even let him do so.

Well, no more. He was not Michael.

"Why, of course," he replied with a mock sweet voice, secretly satisfied about the fact that the angel seemed to be fear him -- no more manipulation of "meatshield". Let's see him get along without him now. "I'm not about to harm you or disturb your way to your drink. My grudge is not with you but Uriel."

A wave of hatred coarsed through him as he said that. Uriel. He would get the angel yet.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

At the mention of Uriel's name, Raphael's eyes flashed.

"You think he's at fault? I told you to get out of the way and you refused. He did what he was ordered to do, his duty and nothing more. You were the one who was stubborn.

If you had left... I had apologized. Things would have been well had you not insisted on involving yourself!

I don't care if you blame me for bringing you to that point. But Uriel... he is unwell. And even in anger, it's wrong to blame him. I did at first, but that was wrong too."

He swallowed, suddenly reminded of his fear. It was horrible how in the darkness he could almost be reminded of Michael when the darkness played tricks on his eyes and covered or muted the changed features.

"Please leave him alone."

[demon-mictain.livejournal.com]

Anger flared within Mictain -- an emotion he welcomed. This he could deal with. So it was all his fault now, eh?

"So I chose this for myself, then?" he asked coolly. "Well, I suppose you might be right about the choice -- a stupid one, I know; rest assured I will not be as foolish again -- but to place the whole blame on me? Unless you have forgot, you had led me on, let my love for you get stronger," there was no mistaking his mocking tone, "and when I did what you wanted me to do, what you'd planned to be my fate, you blame me? Really, angel -- I'm surprised Uriel didn't take you as well.

"And if nobody was to Fall, would he have come there anyway? As far as I can recall, he did not chase you as you left -- his job was done. How would he know not to Fell someone if he didn't know to Fell? My stepping aside would have helped none. Somebody was to Fall there and nothing could have changed tat; why it was me and not you is another matter. What I do know, however, is that Uriel is the one who separated me from Him. If I am blamed when I follow orders, why wouldn't the same go for him?"

He laughed as the other then spoke about Uriel's "unwellness".

"Unwell? That is mildly put," he said sharpy. "He's insane. Cracked as a nut. Did you hear of the snowball fight, Raphael? After it I had to carry him to his room because he was laughing too much to stay upright. Does that sound normal to you? Once he almost jumped out of the window -- without his wings out, even -- because he wanted to catch a bird in flight. Completely normal, of course. And it isn't only now that you notice something might not be exactly all right with him? You're not worth the name of a healer."

Another flash of anger hit him, this time even more irrational -- after all, his anger was in defence of the one he currently hated more than anything.

"Perhaps you would have noticed it earlier, had you paid any attention to him. But of course you didn't. Nobody ever bothers to think twice about him. Even I, who actually noticed something was wrong, never did anything. If he ends up killing himself he is not the one to blame -- at fault are all those around him.

"Leave him alone? Oh, yes, I will. It wouldn't do to upset dear Adam, after all. However, should he cross my path outside the Manor... When it comes to fighting, I'm the more skilled one out of us two. I look forward to seeing the outcome of that battle."

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

The angel looked down, ashamed.

"I don't deny my part and if you want to punish me then I suppose I deserve some measure of it. But if you truly felt I deserved that then you should have let Uriel handle it. I told you the truth of things and that was still the choice you made.

And you were with Uriel all of those times! I haven't spent much time around him in the last few millennia - how could I have know? You were the one whom he apparently always went to! Why didn't you tell me that you noticed something?"

He frowned.

"Don't you feel any pity now? Adam says you still have your memories. Can't you remember whatever friendship you felt for him at all? You blame me for his condition - don't you sympathize in the least?

Are you that changed?" He asked softly. "Not just angry but really, truly changed?"

[demon-mictain.livejournal.com]

Mictain snorted. "Do you know why I did it? Because I was foolish enough to love you. Because the thought of you getting hurt was more painful to me than the thought of myself being hurt. Even if I had thought you deserved it I would have still done it. Love asks for no reason -- it is foolish.

"Yes, I was with Uriel. And what could I have done? Any attempt at healing him from me would have probably just made it all worse. By the time I realized that something was definitely wrong you were already against him, and I figured you wouldn't like it if I came to talk to you about him. Until now he has somehow managed to stay in control -- it's like the manor brought this out in him. I was too foolish to understand that he wasn't just eccentric but ill. And he didn't come to me -- I went to him. I was the only one who ever did, apparently.

"Yes, I do remember our friendship. I don't understand it, but I remember it. Perhaps you'd like to know exactly how much it hurt to Fall? How much he hurt me, how much he stole from me -- and only because I loved you? It's not easy to forgive that, and we demons aren't exactly known for our forgiveness.

"Am I changed or angry? I don't know. I don't care."

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael couldn't bear to face Mictain; he felt as though he would come apart if he did. Regret pounded down upon him like a surf from which he could not escape.

"I was foolish, foolish and stupid for what I did, for taking something beautiful and destroying it. And I can see now just how I've hurt the both of you, how deeply my ignorance and childishness cut.

I wish you were not hurting, but that I was in your stead." He shuddered at the phrase 'we demons.' "As for being changed or angry, I can't say either, but I hope merely angry for that would fade."

He took a deep breath.

"We all messed up that day, we all made mistakes. I manipulated, he was too hasty, you were too blinded by love and too stubborn. In the end you got the apparent worst of it but since he is a close second and perhaps truly worse off, I can assure you of my continued feelings of guilt. So if you cannot forgive him, do to me what you would do to him.

Take your anger out on the one who most deserves it, not another victim."

[demon-mictain.livejournal.com]

"Well, it's a bit too late to regret now, isn't it?" Mictain ran a hand through his hair again, then tangled a finger in the bloody red streak on it.

He was quiet for a moment, just watching Raphael closely. Then he said, "I Fell so that you wouldn't get hurt. Hurting you myself would rather destroy the purpose, now wouldn't it? I may not have enjoyed the change, but at least I'm not about to suffer for no reason." He raised his eyebrows, adopting an otherwise indifferent expression. In the inside he felt like a mess. All the time he did his best to convince himself that that was exactly the case, the very reason he wouldn't hurt Raphael.

"And besides, you're too pretty to hurt," he then added, stepping forward and reaching out his hand, trailing a claw along Raphael's cheek, careful not to leave any traces.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael's body convulsed and he wished the wall weren't there, that he could run. He doubted that he could outrun the demon though, so he tried to stand his ground.

"Perhaps... But I will do what I can to fix what I've done. And I will not regret what is not my fault."

The feel of the claw made him shudder.

"And if that's what you're after," he said, "You should know that I don't make an effort any more. At all. Ever.

Adam wouldn't let you anyway."

[demon-mictain.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, you go and run to fix Uriel," Mictain snorted. "He tried to kill himself, didn't he? Miserable loser can't get even that done properly."

As Raphael the nspoke of the effort, he drew his hand back, laughing. "Back to the pure and untouched angel, eh? Well, not so untouched anymore, I fear. You know, you're almost worse than Uriel. At least he only makes no effort because he sees no reason to; he's not trying to make a point of it. But you... Let's see how long your decision lasts this time." He eyed Raphael from head to toe, admiring the angel's beauty. He slipped out his tongue to lick his lips like he'd seen something absolutely delicious -- what, in a way, he had.

"And Adam wouldn't let me what? Touch your face?" He laughed again, this time with a nastier tone. "You know, Raphael," he said then with a smirk, "if I didn't know better I'd almost say that you are afraid of me."

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

"He is ill - and I have my duties, as an angel and as a being who cares.

As for my being untouched... I know I'm not. I know better than you." He thought of the week that had elapsed and he trembled. "I'm not trying to make a point of anything, Mictain.

I'm trying to forget - and I was tired of cleaning the mess off the sheets whenever I woke up." Tears rimmed his eyes but he blinked them back. "I'm afraid of a lot of things. You should know that.

But whatever you're thinking of, I will resist it - truly I will," he told the demon, though his voice was laced with doubt.

He was grateful that his body was not making an effort; it couldn't be trusted when he was alone, and especially not in a situation like this.

[demon-mictain.livejournal.com]

"Yes, he is ill. Of course, angels are not supposed to get ill, but of course the oh-so-perfect angel Uriel, His favourite would manage to do the impossible without even meaning to."

He listened to the rest of Raphael's words with some kind of twisted fascination. Mess off the sheets when he woke up? The pure, perfect Raphael was having wet dreams? "Why, I never suspected you would miss your meatshield that badly," he said, smirking again.

"You're welcome to resist, though," he then said. "I've always liked challenges." With this, he quickly moved forward, leant down and placed a kiss on the corner of Raphael's mouth. With one last smirk, he turned around, starting to walk towards his room.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

"It isn't his fault, leave him be!"

Raphael flushed and suddenly the tears spilled over.

"I do!" He grabbed the back of Mictain's jacket. "It's cold at night, I keep having nightmares, there's nobody there, I can't stand it, I hate being alone... I fear you and yet... and yet..."

He released him and spun around, falling to his knees, afraid of the demon but longing for the thing he'd been stupid enough to lose.

[demon-mictain.livejournal.com]

Mictain stopped as he felt the hand grasping on the back of his jacket. He listened to Raphael's rant somewhat calmly, then turned around to find the angel kneeling on the floor, crying.

"And yet you wish I would turn into the one I was?" Mictain finished he healer's sentence levelly. "You know, you don't have to feel any of those things. You're an angel; you don't have to feel the temperature unless you want to. You don't even have to sleep, and no sleep means no dreams -- and no nightmares, either. And as for being alone, it is your own decision whether there's anybody there when you wake up. As I said, you're pretty; surely there'd be someone who would be interested in sharing your bed."

AFter a moment's thought, he withdrew his claws and ran a hand over the red locks in a way that could only be called gentle. "Why do you fear me?" he asked with his sweetest voice. "I'm not going to hurt you in anyway. As I said, you're too pretty to hurt."

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

"I guess..." He turned away. "But once you start it's hard to stop. And this place... this place makes it harder. Somehow. I don't know."

He back away from the touch and faced the wall.

"You're a demon. And you've cause to hate me. Isn't that reason enough? Anyway, I'm too short to be pretty, too... odd. Too freckled."

He started to edge down the hallway. Come to think of it, he really was behaving irrationally. He didn't need to do any of that, it had just become habit. He could quit.

It was probably all in his head anyway...

But he did miss the attention he'd gotten from Michael.

"I'll just go get that water, then," he said miserably.

[demon-mictain.livejournal.com]

"Yes. This place does a whole lot of things, doesn't it."

Mictain laughed. "Too short to be pretty? Since when did height become an issue when it comes to prettiness? You may not be beautiful in the tall, fragile, ethereal way that is usually associated with angelic beauty, but that does not make you odd, just different. If you manage to be small and freckled and still pretty, the more power to you, I think. And believe me, you could have a third eye in the middle of your forehead and green hair on your hands and you'd still be a whole lot more beautiful than most demons.

"You're definitely prettier than that fucking bastard Uriel, anyway," he added then. "Has he ever even heard that hair ought to be brushed sometimes?"

He shrugged. "You go get your water," he said. "And then you can return to your cold, dark, empty, lonely room."

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

"We've discussed the house before. And I'm glad I meet your standards," he said dryly. "Rather too bad that all you have to choose from is demons."

He ignored the comment about Uriel and started lightly walking away.

"I just got caught of guard. The shadows made you look like... well, nevermind.

But it's him I miss. Not you. You're not the same."

[demon-mictain.livejournal.com]

"Like Michael, eh?" Mictain smirked, not making any attempt to stop Raphael. "Of course you miss him; after all, he is gone. And I know I'm not him. How could I be? He was an angel. I'm a demon."

He smirked again, trying to ignore the unpleasant feeling inside him as he saw Raphael walking away. He was simply lusting after the angel, after all. And he'd get him yet. "Sweet dreams, angel."

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael didn't say anything but continued walking. Then as soon as he turned a corner, he ran.

All he wanted to do was return to his room as quickly as possible.