neutral_omens | (no subject)

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Date: January 24, 2000
Setting: Michael's Room
Status: Adam, Raphael, Michael (Private)
Summary: Adam has a talk with Raphael and Michael (Continued from here.)

By the next day Adam was feeling considerably calmer. He'd meditated the night before and shut himself down as much as possible in order to be reasonable. Things clearly couldn't continue as they were. He'd tried to stay out of it and let people make their own decisions, but when it started affecting everyone else, he had to draw the line. Time to be responsible. He knocked on Michael's door.

"Raphael, Michael? It's Adam. I wanted to see how you were doin'. We need to have a talk."

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Raphael turned towards Michael quickly. He'd rather been dreading this.

"I'll get it," he said hastily, then jumped up and opened the door, nudging Adam into the hall and shutting it behind him before Michael could do anything.

"Look, Adam. I know what you're going to say and I... please don't." He took a breath. "I'll do something about it, I promise, just let me be the one to say something. It's... it's not your place.

And I accept full responsibility for the other day. It's not Michael's fault he assumed the worst. Don't come down on him. What else was he supposed to think? I know, he's rash but... but that's just his nature.

I goaded him over Crowley - and yes, I stretched the truth to the point of breaking and perhaps further - and with John... That was an unfortunate misunderstanding, but if it's anyone's fault, it's mine for materializing the gun. OK? Just don't tell him. I will when I'm ready but don't force it like this, let me do it.

Please," He pleaded with the Anti-Christ and felt an icy sense of dread at the prospect of Michael finding out at all, to say nothing of finding out from a source like Adam.

Adam stared at the archangel. This wasn't actually what he had come to discuss, but he was adaptable and this was important.

"Raphael," said Adam quietly. "Why are you doin' this? You know it's wrong to lie and to use people, but you're doin' it anyway. You're even lyin' to yourself. You know you're never gonna be ready to tell him the truth. And the longer you wait the more it's gonna hurt. It's not fair. To either of you."

It was probably useless to hide his feelings from Adam and he'd already told some of the manor's inhabitants anyway. So he figured he might as well tell him.

"Because I've thought about things that are... are dangerous. At least according to Uriel. And I didn't want to Fall... So I did something to prevent that which is probably Fall-worthy by itself. And I'm afraid that without Michael I can't protect myself and that if I tell him... he'll react badly. To say the least."

He frowned.

"You must think I'm terrible - and forgive me for saying so - but I loathe this place. It's hard for me to follow orders. It's hard for me to be here. I'm doing my best. Believe me.

So I will do something - really! I promise! I just need the right opportunity. That's all! You don't think I feel guilty? You don't think I feel bad?

I want to! I just... I just need to work myself up to it."

He felt tears sliding down his face and scowled as he wiped them away, angry at his own weakness and frustration and afraid of a dozen different things, not the least of which was the boy in front of him.

"Are you going to tell him?" He asked, his face in his hands, braced for the worst.

Puzzled and not unaffected, Adam put a comforting hand on Raphael's shoulder as the angel cried.

"You do know that Michael can't really save you from anythin', right? And that you're not as weak as you think you are?"

He pulled a handkerchief out of his back pocket and handed it to the archangel.

"It's okay, Raphael. I'll let you tell him when you're ready. I won't interfere. You should do it yourself. But if you don't wanna have regrets, you'd better tell him soon."

Adam took a step back and grew more serious, "Actually, I didn't come here to tell Michael anythin' about you. I want to talk about somethin' else with you both. Can we go inside?"

Raphael hesitated a moment then took the handkerchief and used it to dry his tears - though not without doing a quick sweep of it to eliminate pathogens.

"He will. He can and will. Otherwise..." He frowned. "It's kind of you to say so. But I'm not sure, not just yet..."

He sighed in relief.

"But thank you. I will tell him. Soon. Really soon." After taking a couple deep breathes and miracling the redness out of his eyes, he handed Adam back the small cloth and faced him again.

"I think I'm OK now. It doesn't look like I've been crying does it? Michael would be upset if he know. If I look OK, sure, we can go back in."

Adam sighed. "I know I look young, but I do know what I'm talkin' about. If you can learn to rely on yourself, then you'll be fine. Strength comes from within."

He stopped talking. It wasn't going to help. With a glance at Raphael, he said, "You look okay," and pushed open the door to the room.

Michael looked up at the door as it was opened. Raphael and Adam entered. After quickly checking that nothing seemed to be wrong with Raphael, he fixed his eyes at Adam, mentally preparing for a lecture at the very least. After all, he had broken the no fighting rule -- and not for the first time, even. Well, he probably did have it coming.

"What is it?" he asked anyway despite well knowing the most probable reason for the Antichrist's arrival.

Raising his eyebrows at the rude greeting, Adam said, "And hullo to you, too, Michael."

He pulled up a chair and sat in it, looking seriously at the two archangels.

"I hafta confess, I'm real disappointed in both of you," he began. "There's only one rule at the Manor and it's there for everyone's safety but you've both broken it more than once. Even the demons are better at not fightin' then you two."

Adam sat back and sighed, running one hand through his hair.

"Look, I know this is not an easy place to be. There's lots of people here that you don't agree with, that you don't get along with, and that you actively work against. But that's exactly why you need to be here. There's no conflict in Heaven. You can't grow there or learn anythin' new. Here you can. And it's not gonna be easy, but the important things never are."

He leaned forward again.

"It has to stop. I won't let either of you hurt anybody else. It's my job to protect every single person here - and that includes you. Just so you know, I'm gonna talk to John and Crowley, 'cause what they did wasn't appropriate either. But we all have to learn to work together. There's stuff goin' on out there and we need to be careful. Benjamin Franklin once said, 'We must all hang together, or we will most assuredly all hang separately'. And Abraham Lincoln said that 'a house divided will soon fall'. They both mean the same thing. We've gotta stick together or it'll go bad for all of us. So, no more of this, all right?"

Michael listened to the lecture in silence. As it ended, he said, "I'm not going to cooperate with demons, if that's what you mean. And I know I've got a bad temper, but I'll try my best not to attack anyone -- unless they attack me first. If somebody tries to harm me, I definitely won't just stand around and wait for you to come to aid."

He folded his arms and looked firmly at the boy, not about to give in on this matter.

Looking faintly exasperated, Adam said, "I'm not askin' you to not defend yourself if someone attacks you. I'm askin' you to not attack someone just 'cause you don't like what he said to you or to Raphael."

He looked significantly at Raphael before turning back to Michael.

"And I'm askin' you to make sure you know the whole story before you go to talk to someone and resolve your differences. If talkin' to them doesn't work and you need a conflict resolution come and find me. I can stop you from fightin', Michael, same as I did yesterday. You won't like it and neither will I, but I'll do it. I was tryin' not to interfere, hopin' that you all could resolve your problems like adults, but if that's not gonna work then I've got to do this instead. Understand?"

Chastised, Raphael looked away from Adam's gaze and at the floor for a moment. Then he crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"It's fine Adam. I'm sorry for everything. It won't happen again, I promise."

He fell silent and hoped that Michael wouldn't argue so that Adam would leave. The entire situation was awkward and uncomfortable and all Raphael wanted was for it to end.

Michael didn't seem like he wanted to say anything, so Adam finished up.

"I'm not on anyone's side here. I stopped you from killin' John but I'd also stop him from killin' you. Just remember, though, that if anyone did get hurt, I'm not the one that you'd have to explain it to."

With that hanging in the air, he stood and headed for the door.

Michael still didn't say anything. Instead, he moved to sit on the edge of the bed next to Raphael. He wrapped an arm around the other angel's shoulders gently if not a bit cautiously. For all he could tell Raphael wasn't feeling well at all, but whether he would appreciate his closeness or lash out at him was anybody's guess.

Of course, some time ago he would have never even thought twice about such a thing. However, lately he had come to notice a side in the usually so mild healer that had made him think. And now he wasn't so sure about Raphael's possible reactions anymore.

Raphael felt Michael's arm but he didn't respond. Instead, he sat as still as stonge, impatient for everybody to leave. He wanted to bolt but he didn't plan on doing that in front of Adam. As for Michael, he didn't dare look at him - the weight of the situation frightened him and seeing Michael only made it worse in some ways.

So he said nothing and did nothing except wait for the chance to go off and be alone.

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