(no subject)

[dangeroushabits.livejournal.com]

Date: January 23, 2000
Setting: Michael's Room
Status: John, Raphael, Michael, Adam, Gabriel (Semi-Private, Complete)
Summary: John vents his feelings at Raphael. Mayhem ensues. (Continued from here.)



It was a pretty decent plan, John thought. Find Raphael, get him away from his oaf of a bodyguard by whatever means presented itself, and teach the little rat a lesson he'd never forget. He liked it. It was elegant in its simplicity.

The fact that it included no provisions for ensuring his own safety (or survival) in the event that Michael proved less easily hoodwinked this time than last--or that Raphael unexpectedly grew himself a pair--he considered a minor flaw. He was too hacked off at the moment to think that far ahead.*

He found Raphael's room unoccupied and proceeded to Michael's, ducked momentarily down a side-hall to avoid a frustrated-looking Snob along the way (hadn't that damn fool got things sorted out with Belial yet?) and strode up to the door, knocking sharply before he could think better of what he was doing.

---

*Anyway, his most clever, complicated schemes always seemed to lead him into worse trouble in the long run. If things were going to go pear-shaped, they might just as well go pear-shaped straightaway and get it over with.

Comments

[average-adam.livejournal.com]

"STOP IT!" came Adam's voice out of nowhere. The tableau froze. No one in it was able to move at all. Michael's fingers were slowly pried apart by an unseen force and John slid softly down the wall.

Only then did Adam storm in, looking for all the world like an avenging angel in grubby trainers. His face looked almost cruel with his mouth set and his blue eyes flashed coldly like chips of ice catching the light.

"How dare you!" he yelled at them all. "I said that this was not allowed here and I meant it. Michael, get over there and take care of Raphael. If you don't know how, then you better learn real quick. Gabriel, John needs your help now. Get him to the hospital and I'll see if I can find someone to come help you. It won't be Aziraphale 'cause he's busy takin' care of Crowley."

He stood there, hands on hips, breathing heavily and trying to control his anger. "Well, what are you waitin' for? Do it now!"

Everyone suddenly unfroze and started to move. Adam stomped out to find someone to help Gabriel with John, but he called over his shoulder, "I'll be back to talk to you later." It was definitely a threat but no one was quite sure to whom he was speaking.

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael was already walking towards Raphael by the time his thoughts caught up with him. Take care of Raphael? He could do that. Probably. He thought so.

It seemed like Gabriel had managed to heal Raphael -- thankfully so, seeing as Michael himself knew next to nothing about healing. But, given everything that had happened, Raphael now probably needed rest even more than before. He couldn't very well rest on the floor, now could he? No, he couldn't. Michael had to get him somewhere else. The bed, preferably.

The sense of satisfaction that came from the realization that he could actually do something to help Raphael was incredible.

He picked up the smaller archangel and started to carry him towards the bed. Worry for Raphael was still seated deep in the back of his mind but he managed to wipe most of it away due to the fact that Raphael didn't appear injured anymore. "Raphael?" he asked, remembering his earlier confusion. "What exactly happened here?"

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

"Gabriel!" Raphael called. "Come by later - I need to talk to you."

Then he turned to Michael as the warrior picked him up.

"It was an accident, Michael," Raphael told him, softly but somewhat indignantly. "It... it's a long story. But I was the one who conjured the gun. You can't just go around punching everyone you think has caused a problem... you should have asked..." He sighed. "I'm sorry about all this. It's mostly my fault..."

He closed his eyes then opened them again.

"Just let me explain, OK?"

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

"Of course, my love," Michael said softly. "I probably should have asked, yes... But when I saw you injured I simply couldn't think sensibly; I just acted. You'd been shot at, the human was holding a gun. What else could I have concluded but that he had shot you? And... well..." He trailed off.

Michael now remembered the horrifying moment he had seen Raphael lying on the ground, bloodied and wounded, and shivered. Almost without consciously noticing it he held Raphael a bit closer to himself. Not many things could scare him, but the mere thought of Raphael getting injured, perhaps even discorporated, because he wasn't there to protect him was simply terrifying.

"I just wasn't thinking," he finished quietly.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael sighed. He figured he should make it quick.

"Look, I'll try to say this as quickly as possible - and I hope you're not too mad at me.

The other day I... I exaggerated about what Crowley did. We fought, I made it seem like more than there was because I lost and I wanted to start a fight to... well... get him back, sort of. John heard about how badly I hurt him when I got angry and punched me. And don't be mad because... well... I sort of deserved it.

He got in a few blows, I healed them, then got upset and pulled a gun on him, not the other way around. I couldn't shoot and he talked me out of it, but when I handed him the gun it misfired.

By then I was out of energy so I could't heal myself.

And that's... that's pretty much it." He said, exhaling and looking up at Michael. "I'm sorry about getting you involved. And I don't blame you for thinking like you did.

I wouldn't blame you if you were really mad at me..."

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

For a long time Michael didn't know what to say. He reached the bed, placed Raphael onto it and spread a blanket over the other archangel, trying to occupy himself somehow while his mind was busy processing the explanation given to him.

So Raphael had exaggerated the fight. The dishonesty did upset him a bit -- he always told the truth to Raphael, after all, and expected the same in return -- but figured that it could wait. Well, he didn't know how much of a difference there was, but that hardly mattered. After all, despite his anger he hadn't actually attacked the demon, right? Raphael himself did know the whole story and thus could figure out whether there was enough of a reason for him to attack the demon. That wasn't his concern right now.

However, to hear that Raphael had actually been the one threatening the human with a gun... There his understanding simply ended. He wasn't mad at Raphael, no; he knew wrath and the desire for vengeance better than most angels -- perhaps better than any other angel. But, like witnessing Raphael's rage the first time, hearing of this action of his beloved flled him with a mix of confusion and fear he wasn't sure he wanted to examine further. Some deeper part of his mind was genuinely scared, terrified even, and although he suspected he did know the reasons for that fear he refused to think about it.

"It's okay," he said softly, burshing a stray lock of hair gently away from Raphael's face. "It's okay, love. I understand." Except that he didn't. He didn't understand a thing.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

"Do you?" Raphael asked uncertainly. "I'm not sure you do. You seem so eager to forgive and let go everything I do... I'm not sure if I deserve you. In fact, I don't think I do at all.

I worry about you Michael..." He bit his lip. "Sometimes... sometimes you should see things for what they are, no matter how it hurts. No matter how much you love, it doesn't do to ignore what's in front of you."

He lay down.

"Please be careful... and that counts with me too..."

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

"You deserve only the best, my love," Michael said. "And I am hardly the best." Then he sighed, figuring that perhaps for once it was better to just be honest with Raphael than to try to soothe him. "No, I'm not sure I understand," he said, running a hand through his hair in an all too familiar manner. "I'm not sure I understand at all. You never were aggressive before, Raphael. You were the one who always wanted to forgive and forget no matter what. That was a part of what I first fell in love with in you," he admitted.

"Not that I don't still love you just as much, or more," he hastied to add. "It's just that... I don't understand you anymore, Raphael. You are... different. The Raphael I used to know would have never attacked anyone, would have never considered using a gun, would have never called Uriel annoying, even, although he often is. Something has changed in you -- perhaps it's because of this Manor, perhaps for other reasons, I don't know -- and I don't understand a thing."

With another sigh, he continued, "And now you are telling I should be careful, shouldn't trust, not even you. But if that is the case, then what can I do?" He grimaced a bit. "I'm not smart, Raphael, and I know that. Thinking and logic was never my strength. I take things as I see them; I can't figure out hidden meanings or masked truth. And now... I simply don't understand what is going on. Something is, I know that, but what? If it isn't something I can hit, I don't know what to do about it." He chuckled sadly. "See? I'm absolutely useless. Why you even stand me around is beyond me."

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Don't I know all about you being stupid and useless... and I know why I stand it too and it's not a good reason...

Raphael bit his lip and thought about Michael's less desirable traits and how much they repulsed him. Or at least did. They still did - didn't they? He thought of how he put up with those traits to use him.

Suddenly, he felt very sick.

"I... I don't deserve you," he replied quietly. "Intelligence isn't everything. You... you have a good soul. And me... I... I mean...

I pulled a gun on a human. I feel like I'm having a breakdown. I don't understand myself, I act without thinking things through, act selfishly, act like an angel shouldn't and I can't give a good reason why.

Maybe... Maybe you should stay away from me," he suggested in a whisper.

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael's heart ached as he listened to Raphael's words. "I'm not going to stay away from you," he said softly. "I love you, Raphael, I love you more than anything. If you truly want me to leave, you'll have to tell me. If you sincerely don't want me around, I will leave you in peace, but you'll have to tell me to leave."

He looked the other angel in the eye, silently challenging Raphael to tell him to leave. At the same time he sincerely, desperately hoped that he wouldn't hear it, that he never would have to leave his dear, beloved Raphael.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

For a long moment, Raphael froze. If he truly cared, he would tell Michael to leave, to not involve himself with Raphael's problems, issues and hangups. He would take Gabriel's advice and not drag him down or entice him to Fall.

Then fear coiled in his stomach and he pulled Michael into a kiss.

"I don't want you to leave," he told Michael. "Not at all."

Or at least not just yet...

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

For a moment Michael managed to concentrate solely on kissing Raphael, forgetting all his fears and worries for a while. However, as the kiss ended, they all returned, stronger than before. And even if he did manage to smile at Raphael, smile and whisper sweet words of reassurance, trying to make the healer feel better, there was still a hint of fear hiding deep within his heart.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael smiled at Michael, but inside he felt as ill as though he'd been poisoned. Something had turned sour and things seemed to be moving inexoribly to an unfortunate end.

Pushing such thoughts out of his mind, he dropped away, laid down and closed his eyes.

"Lay with me?" He asked as he tried to drift away.

[archangel-mike.livejournal.com]

Michael smiled at Raphael. "Of course, love," he replied quietly, laying himself down next to the redhead. He wrapped an arm protectively around Raphael's waist, holding him close, determined not to let anything else hurt him.

Slowly he started to fall asleep, feeling safe and comfortable, leaving his fears behind in the world of waking.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael relaxed into Michael's embraced and slowed his breathing until at last he fell asleep, trying to gain back the energy he'd lost.

[dontcallmegabby.livejournal.com]

Gabriel, one steadying hand still resting on Raphael's shoulder, seemed stiff and immobile as Adam spoke, not because of the harshness of the Antichrist's words, but more because of the sickening slump of Constantine's body against the wall when Michael finally let him go. The battered form sunk with all the lifelessness of yesterday's trash bag to the floor, and something catching urgently in Gabriel's throat told him there'd be Hell to pay if the mortal died.* Crossing the room quickly, he followed Adam's instructions without thought, stooping at the mortal's side. Constantine wasn't breathing. Carefully, Gabriel traced the imprint of Michael's fingers around the man's neck, fitting his hand over the same pattern but with much different intent.

His powers of healing, so rarely need in the past, had been called upon twice in one day; the second time took far more effort, but he found it within himself to carefully reconstruct the man's trachea, weave together the tissues in his throat to clear the passage for air. Expand the lungs with the air the archangel himself found habitual, but which Constantine would not live much longer without. Start his heart beating, weak but constant, rhythmic.

"Come on, Constantine," he muttered, brow creased as he worked, knowing even as the signs of life returned that the mortal was still dependent as much on his powers as the blood that slowly started to recirculate in his veins. "Come on. I'll be damned before I'm giving you mouth-to-mouth..."

Finally, Constantine shuddered, arched, gasping as he drew in breath of his own accord. Gabriel pulled back, satisfied that at least his vitals were stable enough for the trip to the hospital. He stopped short, however, of drawing the mortal into full consciousness; one glance at his beaten and bloodied form assured him not even Constantine deserved to be awake through this.

Carefully, Gabriel hoisted the limp form in his arms, brushing past a surly-looking Adam without meeting his eyes as he headed quickly for the hospital wing.


*Figuratively and, quite possibly, literally, knowing Constantine.