[identity profile] anthony-crowley.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] neutral_omens
Date: January 15, 2000
Setting: Kitchen
Status: Private - Snape and Crowley
Summary: Crowley speaks to the chef

Crowley eyed the remains of the pot roast, steamed vegetables, and mashed potatoes and pushed his plate away, disgusted. He was glad now that Aziraphale had been busy with some kind of top secret angel business and hadn't been able to join him in exploring the Manor's restaurant.

Scraping his chair backwards, he stood up and stormed into the kitchen.

"All right," he said to the room at large. "Who here is responsible for that bloody awful travesty of a meal?"

Date: 2006-01-16 08:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mortarandpestle.livejournal.com
"Is there a problem?" Snape asked in a low, irritated tone, the knife he'd been sharpening still in hand as he turned around.

Date: 2006-01-16 06:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mortarandpestle.livejournal.com
"Swill?" Snape's eyes narrowed, and he clutched the handle of the knife tighter. "The ingredients were the finest quality, and I know my skills aren't lacking. Perhaps over-processed convenience foods have damaged your tastebuds?"

Date: 2006-01-16 07:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mortarandpestle.livejournal.com
"If you want to eat snails and frogs, the Channel is that way." He waved a hand vaguely. "Slimy things don't belong on the table, no matter how much garlic butter you pour over them."

Date: 2006-01-17 12:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mortarandpestle.livejournal.com
"Venison? Squab? Are you offering to provide me with a steady stream of wild game?" Snape rolled his eyes, the knife in his hand quivering slightly. "Do you have an issue with honest, nourishing food that you don't have to drown in pungent spices to stand the taste of?" Shaking his head, he smiled unpleasantly. "If you want Indian I'll make you Indian." His vindaloo, in fact, had been banned from Hogwarts as a hazardous substance and could strip the varnish off a polished wooden table.

Date: 2006-01-17 02:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mortarandpestle.livejournal.com
"It's hardly my concern that you've assaulted your tongue with so many spices that you can no longer taste the difference between poodle and prime rib. There's more to cooking than finding the most exotic-sounding meat you can find and throwing all of the East Indies at it. I suppose you'd prefer lark's tongues in aspic and swan stewed in garum?"

Date: 2006-01-17 09:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mortarandpestle.livejournal.com
"If you respected quality and taste you wouldn't be squalling for fussy dainties suitable only for jaded imbeciles with more money than sense. Finding fault with a good roast of the best English beef doesn't make you discerning, it makes you cranky. Like..." he smirked a little, refusing to be cowed, "a child who'd rather have brightly-coloured sweets than a proper meal."

Date: 2006-01-19 01:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mortarandpestle.livejournal.com
"Are you quite/i> finished with your little display of insulting hyperbole? It makes it entirely impossible to take you seriously." As aggravated as Snape was, he couldn't help but admire the other man's grasp of the English language. And of psychology as well; all too many people would have given up impugning his skill by this point and resorted to criticising his appearance, which would have been immediately dismissable as the act of an imbecile grasping at straws.

He could admire focus.

"If you're going to throw a tantrum over it, I could do an Indian Cuisine night." His voice lowereed to a near-purr. "Especially for you."

Date: 2006-01-19 08:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mortarandpestle.livejournal.com
"Oh, I'm not a standard issue anything." Snape couldn't help smirking, already mentally going over recipes for dishes spicy enough to blister tongues. "And there's rather more satisfaction in preparing a simple dish perfectly than mucking about with something with so many so-called 'nuances' that the diner isn't certain what they ought to be tasting to begin with and therefore won't notice if you haven't gotten it right."

Date: 2006-01-24 01:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mortarandpestle.livejournal.com
"My name is Severus Snape, if that's of any importance to you, Mr. Crowley." He was growing increasing... bored? Irritated? Weary? Whatever the right word was for 'sick of being needled by an arrogant would-be gourmet'. "You seem to overestimate people's culinary sophistication. Jamie Oliver is hailed as brilliant and there's a McDonald's on every corner. That's what people want."

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