(no subject)

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Date: Dec. 30, 1999
Setting: Crowley's Room
Status: Private - Raphael and Crowley (Complete)
Summary: Raphael wants to know what happened.



Raphael awoke nearly a full day later, no longer tired but still making an effort. He blushed, crawled out of the sheets and resumed his standard sexless form with a sigh. It feel dull and almost too tight, but it was better than repeating his shameful performance of the last few days. The angel couldn't completely recall what had happened - at least not at the moment - but he did remember who'd gotten him into the pajamas and most of what had come afterward. He sighed again and went to take a long hot shower, hoping it would wash off the feeling of uncleanliness he had.

As the water pounded on him, his thoughts drifting to Falling and what it would take to go that far. He couldn't see, however, how anything that he was doing was wrong. After toweling himself dry, he stepped into his room, brushed his hair and put on a clean robe, tossing the pajamas aside. It had been ages since he'd gone to the hospital wing, or so it seemed to him, and it would probably be best to go there and make sure things were in order. Not that many people got sick - but it seemed to be his duty.

When he reached the wing, however, he found a rather unpleasant surprise waiting for him.

Somebody had performed a major operation without his permission!

Incesnsed, he stormed off to the room of the one known trouble-maker in the mansion whose lingering aura he'd sensed. Frankie followed close at his heels until they came to the appropriate door. Raphael banged on with all the fury of a righteous archangel about to do some serious smiting.

"CRAWLY!" He screamed at the wood. "OPEN UP! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE AND I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID IN MY INFIRMARY!"

His fist slammed against in a few more times, waiting for the demon to open it up.

Comments

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

"Do you ever actually listen to yourself?" asked Crowley wearily. "All you ever say is can't, don't, won't, and shouldn't. Everything is so simple in your little black and white world."

He turned to face the angel again.

"You really want to know what happened? Fine. I ripped into someone's living flesh and in pain and screaming and blood delivered him from what you seem so determined to claim yourself.

"It's true, Raphael, that Falling will solve all your problems. You won't be able to heal as well as you can now, but then you won't want to anymore either, so that's all right. Pestilence, greed, and corruption will win and I'm sure we'll all be better for it."

Crowley slumped against the footboard wondering why all these things seemed to happen to him.

"Now that you have your precious information, would you bugger off?"

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael stood and set Frankie down.

"I listen. Listen enough to hear that every time I say 'can' and 'do' I get told that it's not the way things ought to be, that I'm not allowed. And whenever I disagree, there are insinuations about Falling. Asking questions never ends well," he mimicked. "Uriel still has his sword. How am I supposed to react to that, if Falling is as horrid as you say?"

The blood drained from his face.

"That's hardly an explanation. But even so - you should have gotten me. Whatever it was, precisely, I could have done it better. And I'm not 'determined' to claim anything."

He stood next to Crowley, looking down on him for once.

"And why would I not want to? I wouldn't be a different being so to speak. Would I?" He asked doubtfully. "I just wouldn't be on the same side. Not that I would ever defy my Lord. But if I chose not to listen to mine, I certainly wouldn't heed yours. And then what would he do?" He said with a hint of defiance. "Kill me?"

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

"Why the fuck are you asking me? I don't make the rules. It's not like He comes to me for advice. You're an angel. Angels follow the Word unquestioningly. If they question the Word, they become demons. That's just how it works."

Crowley rubbed his temples, feeling a headache coming on and not caring.

"You couldn't have done any better than I," he said simply. "My surgical skills are fine. You wouldn't have been able to do what needed to be done in the end." He winced, the memory of that noise reverberating in his head.

"You keep telling me that you're not stupid - not naive - but you still think you can keep your personality intact and defy Lucifer's rule after a Fall. If you could, you'd the the first. And if you have the ego to believe that you could be the first, then you probably should Fall."

Crowley glared. "Don't refer to Him Below as my Lord, either, would you? There's only one person that has my allegiance and it's not Lucifer. I may have to do what he says, but I don't have to like it or Him."

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

"Maybe I thought you'd have answers." Then he said more quietly, "Or at least an answer I wanted." He looked at him, frowning. "And is that all there is? Questioning doesn't mean I don't love Him. And it's not even doing anything, really. You speak with disdain about thinking things are black and white - but then you yourself say there is only angel and demon!" He paused. "And I'm stronger than you think!" He stated stubbornly. "I am a good surgeon, even when things are problematic. You barely know me - so don't judge my abilities."

He sighed then looked at Crowley curiously.

"If I have not Fallen, how could I know? And if you don't ally yourself with him, then whom? Yourself? And if that's so - that you aren't truly loyal - isn't that defiance? Of a sort."

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, well, I don't. And I don't think it's about how much you love Him, I think it's more how much you obey Him."

Crowley was sick of this conversation and just wanted Raphael to leave. The angel was beginning to sound like a broken record, but Crowley liked to have the last word in an argument.

"I never did say there is only angel and demon. I know now for certain that there is at least one other category, but the path there is a terrible one. What I said is that if you don't behave like an angel is supposed to, then you become a demon. You don't get to choose a point to stop along the way. It's not like He's going to offer you neutrality and free will just because you were bright enough to question things."

His headache was worsening and Crowley leaned his head against the bed.

"And I didn't judge your surgical ability. Only a demon could have done what I did, regardless of skill."

Deciding to ignore Raphael's last questions, Crowley tried again to end the conversation. It wasn't safe to discuss such things with anyone but particularly an archangel.

"I think I've answered enough of your questions. I'd like you to leave now."

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael picked up Frankie and walked wordlessly out the door, though he made sure to slam it behind him. Nobody had answers for him; at least not an answer he could accept. Angels didn't and demons didn't either.

He was still annoyed about the intrusion on his hospital and too bothered to question about the 'other category' Crowley had mentioned. More than ever Falling pressed on his mind.

The operation that had gone on without him, coupled with the further conversation, made things even worse. He was not useful, he was not wanted and staying was making him contemplate terrible courses of action. There was no reason to stay...

Except orders, he reminded himself. And you know what happens when you violate those.

As for what was considered 'staying,' however...

"Come on, Frankie," he sighed, going to his room and making sure things were closed up and in order. "Lets see if we can't get away for a bit and help the people who need it. And then maybe we'll go home for a bit and see your family, OK?"

He considered putting a lock on the door to the hospital wing but then decided not to. What was the use? Adam could probably break it anyway.

Yet again, as he seemed to do with increasing frequency, Raphael fled the manor.

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

Crowley scowled at the now closed door. He thought he'd been remarkably patient with the impertinent and personal questions and a slammed door and a headache were all the thanks he got.

He'll be ours within the year, thought Crowley ironically and with no sense of satisfaction, and I'll be able to take credit for the Fall of an archangel. That's never been done before. It'll be a dukedom for me, at least. I'll get respect, status, and power, too...

It was a nice fantasy for a moment, but somehow he couldn't convince himself that he really wanted that. He'd have felt better if he just thought his arguments had held any sway over Raphael at all.

You're getting soft, Crowley.

And perhaps he was, because what he did next was stand up, walk through the bathroom connecting his room to Aziraphale's, and sweep the angel up in his arms. He didn't say anything, nor did he allow Aziraphale to say anything. He just simply held him tightly until the pain went away.