neutral_omens | (no subject)

Date: December 26, 1999
Setting: The Lobby
Status: Public (Complete)
Summary: Raphael brings home a slightly odd pet.

For having met with a man who experimented with the demonic, was constantly on morphine and tended to smell like death in general, Raphael felt that their meeting hadn't gone too badly. There had been tea and cookies and a tree even. Faust VIII was a strange doctor, but a doctor at heart who (though extremely unorthodox) did tend to work towards a somewhat mutual goal. And deep down, Raphael felt that he was, at his core, a rather decent man whom he'd missed more than he cared to admit.

Dr. Strange had been right to suggest patching things up.

He had not anticipated, however, Faust's insistence upon giving him a 'Christmas gift' beyond his hospitality - no pun intended. When Raphael intimated his concerns about the tensions surrounding him, Faust insisted upon giving him a 'companion' to help look after the ward, deliver messages, guard what needed watching and serve as a supernatural companion.

Raphael looked down at the necromanced bone dog in his arms and sighed. He really couldn't have refused...

Then the dog began barking.

"Be quiet Frankensteiny," Raphael said, shushing him and walking towards his quarters as quickly as possible. "I don't want anyone knowing you're here before they have to..."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Raphael," Uriel said, "I think you are missing my point. Those who choose to fight are the way they are because He created them like that, He chose to make them ones who would rather destroy than save. If it truly was solely their own choice and not His will as well, don't you think He could bring us peace immediately and simply ignore their will to fight?"

"And, as for Michael, I don't know. I don't know how true love can come about, since I have never loved another being beyond the love between friends. I also don't know whether or not you have, but everybody is different in loving. I don't think it's my place any more than it is yours to evaluate whether Michael's feelings are love or lust, or both -- it is only his. And, as far as I know, he claims his feelings are love, and has done that for a long time. I can only hope he can get over his feelings for you and move on -- since if he stays as he is now, you are no better than he is. You claim to want to save and protect, but at the moment it appears you have destroyed Michael. There is such a thing as gentle rejection, you know."

"Omission is as good as a lie? Not necessarily, Raphael. If such a thing does not come up in the conversation, should one go out of their way to announce something that might potentially hurt them or the one they tell it to? Or even if it wouldn't hurt? If I consider somebody my friend, does it make me a liar that I do not immediately go and tell them that? Apparently it does. Therefore, I am a liar -- and surprised about it. I never considered myself one, after all."

"I will no more offer you my suspicions or speculations, as you clearly do not want to know them. However, I'd like to tell you one thing, a thing I know as a fact. I am one of the few angels besides yourself who have been given a human body and have never made an effort. I haven't ever even considered it. I don't feel need for such things; not even Michael's kiss a few days ago could change my feelings one bit. All the time I am surrounded by His Presence, as strong to me here as it would be to you in Heaven. I should be perfectly content as I am. However, I am not. I'm not happy, Raphael, despite my lack of love. And Michael is unhappy despite -- or more because -- his love. You aren't safe from sorrow either way."

"I refuse to accept that as an excuse. We are how he made us but we can also chose to rise above our circumstance. Is everything we do an extension of His will? If not, then how are we to know which actions, violent or not, are His will? If so, then is it His will that some fall? Which is it? And does that make every action I do non-culpable, since if I'm doing it it must be His will? I should dearly like to hear your thoughts.

And it is a lie to feel one way about a person and put up a facade, especially about something like obsession - or love. The later the confession the greater the pain."

The revelation about Michael's kiss surprised him slightly, then made him chuckle inside. Love indeed. He simply wanted release.

"And if I am not safe from sorrow, then perhaps it is best to act as I see fit. Sadness may come either way but perhaps I can achieve something in the process."

"Not everything we do is what He wills, no. He doesn't want any of His children, humans or angels, to be lost, but some defy his mercy. Humans have the freedom of choice; we have it too, but are naturally inclined to choose the Light. Destruction is by His will because some of it He has ordered. If not for Michael and his forces, who would have driven Lucifer out of Heaven? And even when it is not by His order, He still allows it. After all, He has created the warriors and destroyers so that they are more likely to choose war than peace, more likely to destroy than fix. It is a part of His plan. If He has seen it necessary, it is not your place to say that it wouldn't be if the warriors didn't choose to fight!

"Even though He does not want any of us to Fall, He already knows who are going to do that due to their own choices and decisions. It is their own choice, yet it is a part of His plan, because He knew it and made it fit His plans far before they even first thought of abandoning Him.

"The later the confession -- Raphael, listen to yourself! How would you even know just how long Michael has loved you? And I think the greatest pain has been caused to him, not you. Is it truly your place to say that he has hurt you, when you have hurt him even worse?

"Nobody is safe from sorrow, and yes, you can act just as you see fit. However, it is not good to separate yourself from others, like you have apparently separated yourself from Michael. How long will it be until you have driven away all around you because you are afraid to love? Is that really what you want? Being lonely isn't a nice thing, Raphael. I, for one, should know that. Often times His Presence has been the only thing to stay with me even at my weakest moments.

"Ever thought of suicide, Raphael? I have. It's not easy for an immortal being, such as we are, but there are ways and I know them. At times I feel so lonely and different from everybody else that if it wasn't for the Presence I would have already committed one of the greatest sins. And I couldn't even Fall for it, because there wouldn't be anything left to Fall!"

"Destruction by his will - I can't stand that Uriel! People suffer from such punishments, even the innocent. Bystanders get dragged into destruction when it happens - is that what He's truly like? That He doesn't mind the collateral damage?"

Uriel's words felt like a blow to the chest. He healed, loved mercy... the idea that war was necessary was bitter to him, even moreso when he thought of the idea that He made it so.

Raphael wanted to run far away at that moment.

"I have no idea about Michael," he said briskly. "Nor do I care much. It is not my duty to love him in the way he does me. I don't have to return his affections and it's not my fault if he loves in that way when I do not; he must get over it but I'm not responsible for his feelings just because I don't reciprocate.

I am not afraid and I know the consequences of lonliness. But if my refusal to return his feelings drives him or others away, thats not my fault.

I can't help how he feels."

Raphael felt disoriented and took a step away from the other angel.

"And I still don't see why war must be His will. There are always other ways. There have to be..."

A cold feeling of dread was starting to spread through Uriel as he listened to Raphael. This was not good. Not good at all.

"We should not question His deeds or reasons, Raphael," he said quietly. "He has wisdom and knowledge that goes far beyond that of ours. We're not even supposed to know his reasons. What we know is that he is merciful but will waste no mercy for unrepenting sinners.

"When did I say it is your duty to return Michael's feelings? Never. But, like I said before, there is such a thing as gentle rejection. There is some difference between not returning his feelings and calling him a disgusting abomination. It is not your fault if he's hurt because you don't love him the way he loves you, but you are indeed the one to blame if you express the state of your feelings in such a hurting way."

Raphael's step away from him was like a blow. "I don't see why war is necessary, either," he said. "However, I do not question His will. And I advise that you don't, either -- it does not end well." With an even quieter voice, he added, "It never ends well."

Then, Uriel turned away and walked off in search of Crowley. However, he couldn't completely shake away the odd feeling of dread that had fallen upon him.

Raphael watched him leave, his questions answered with an instruction not to ask.

It didn't seem good enough.

"Come along, Frankie," he sighed, retreating to his quarters to read the new pet some James Herriot.