(no subject)

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

Date: January 24th, 2001
Setting: Remus' and Sirius' bedroom
Status: Private - Remus, Sirius
Summary: Some secrets ought to come out of their closets.



Weeks ago he acquired a music player, left behind near the front desk, and after a slow period of time the player made its natural progression to the bedroom. It played cassettes, and the only one it possessed was one, inexplicably, of Queen, although the label held an unsubtle label declaring it The Beatles. It wasn't that he minded; it was just that he didn't quite understand what was so wrong with Queen that it had to be mislabelled.

Remus had been quietly reading, enjoying his evening off work. The day had been spent mostly asleep, and in the night Sirius disappeared, vague about where he was off to. He half-wondered if he was going to spend the entire night alone, or if Sirius would crawl into bed at ten past three in the morning, sodding drunk.

He had been.

The music was still going softly as the door burst open.

Comments

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"It wasn't a double life. It was, at the very most, one and a half lives. One and a quarter, really. One point zero six two five lives." And they said you'd never use Arithmancy in real life, Remus thought.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

He laughed. "All right, point zero six two whatsit it is."

His tone became slightly more serious when he added "You still could have mentioned it, though. I mean, I understand why you didn't, especially since I didn't exactly take it well-- I wasn't mad at you, though, not really-- but. You can tell me things."

He smiled. "So, on that note, anything else you've been keeping from me?"

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"Nothing to that scale. Werewolf, homosexual, that short-lived career, and wizard. No, I think we've been fairly clear on all of those points, Padfoot, all things considered."

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Ah. Good." He smiled again, and gave Remus a friendly cuff on the shoulder.

Of course, if Remus was being honest with him, it would only be fair to--

He wasn't sure he was ready for this, but this was the time to say it.

"And... we might have more of that list in common than just the obvious," he said, attempting to sound light-hearted about it.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"Really?" Remus quipped, eyeing him. "Let me guess; you're a werewolf."

He was only joking. The mistletoe, the rest of it... Sirius was the greatest ladies' man Hogwarts had ever seen, even some of the papers went into his popularity in that field. Except... he knew Sirius, didn't he? The girls never stuck.

"Are you certain? What about that girl? The redhead?"

The trouble was Remus had more time to think about something like this. In the last year, the only action Sirius had been getting - probably - had come from Remus himself (and the redhead). Sirius had been alone for so long... but straight men didn't try and get drunk to hit on their best friends, either, no matter how long it had been.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Heh. Try again."

He frowned, trying to remember what Remus was talking about. "Oh! Her!" he said at last. "Nah, that was just-- she's just a kid, right? I was just flirting a bit for fun."

This was really uncomfortable. "Look, the other night? That wasn't-- that wasn't exactly the first time for me, you know?"

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

In all normal manner of circumstance, it was probably not the best idea to announce, after hearing that one's best friend was a male prostitute, that you find yourself sexually attracted to men.

Cuffing the hysterical part of him that was laughing like, well, Sirius, Remus looked at him, fully.

"Well, we have snogged twice, so I couldn't do the teenager thing and give you a test snog to see if you're utterly sure of yourself." Remus grinned at Sirius' expression, explaining, "You didn't realize this in the seventies, Pads."

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"I-- that's not entirely true." He had, in a way, known he liked men since he was a teenager, it was just the significance that had managed to evade him. Or, more accurately, he'd managed to evade it. "It's more that I never realised I didn't prefer women back then, you see."

He laughed at little more nervously than he meant to. "So there we are. Good thing we got our uncomfortable conversation quota for the year out of the way early, isn't it?" He grinned, and then pat Remus' arm in a friendly way. "We're all right, yeah? None of this is that big a deal, I mean. Okay?"

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"Right."

Remus stared, for the first time.

"All right, Padfoot." It wasn't that he was going to argue, not that, it was only... "You're all right with my...?"

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Yeah," he said. He didn't want Remus to say it, and he sure as hell wasn't ever going to do that again, but it was okay. "Don't worry."

He grinned suddenly, pounced, and forcibly pulled Remus into an uncomfortably tight hug.

"Re~emus," he half-sang. "We are aaall right."

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"Right," Remus agreed, meaning it. "Right."

It was a sign of Sirius' insecurity, too, before, he realized.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius was a bit insecure at the moment, and nervous, and uncomfortable. It was the reason for his strange singing-- he didn't have the words to explain how he felt, and they were not getting any easier.

He'd developed a mechanism for those times when the words wouldn't come and his emotions were too complex to comprehend over the past decades. Still squeezing Remus, he loosened his grip and turned into Padfoot.

He then proceeded to nuzzle and lick Remus' face in a Padfootian way.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"Padfoot," Remus laughed, burrowing his long hands into the thick fur of the dog. "Go on, go on the bed. You ought to get some sleep. Have deep dreams of rare steaks..."

It was easier this way. The Sirius before would have turned into the dog before they'd said anything of value or worked anything out. It had been infuriating then, but this, this was... different.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Padfoot squirmed happily into the petting, his only thought now the simple joy of loving and feeling loved in return. When Remus commanded him to bed, he wriggled (reluctantly) out of the man's arms and leapt onto his side on the bed, curling up with his head against the pillow and tail thumping the bedspread.

Sirius had changed more in the past few months than he had since Azkaban. It was so easy, to just relax in a peaceful place and let Remus take care of him utterly, and it had done wonders for him. But that care had only served to strengthen his resolve to look after Remus in return. He wasn't going to back out of conversations they needed to have. He wasn't going to back out of his responsibilities, either.

Tomorrow he'd go looking for a job. For now, he was content just to close his eyes and rest.