(no subject)

[playswithboys.livejournal.com]

Time: October 14th, 2000
Place: Lobby
Status: Semi-private (Pepper, Crowley, War, John, Bast, Wensley and Roger) [Complete]
Summary: An unexpected visitor


Pepper had spent the day moving various plants into the lobby and trimming them as best she could, throwing the extra leaves and little branches in a garbage bag she'd brought with her. The place needed some greenery and some flowers, and she figured it couldn't hurt now that it was getting colder and things outside would take care of themselves more.

She thought she'd bring in some poinsettias soon.

Granted it wasn't even Bonfire Night, but being English meant that she started preparing for Christmas in October, like everyone else. Besides, Adam had promised a good winter, and she was looking forward to it.

The plants had generally been behaving themselves, all except one. Whoever'd had the bright idea to grow wysteria on the pergola near the garden should have been caught and executed, in Pepper's opinion. The plant had a history of growing up the sides of buildings, destroying framework quite effectively, and yet someone had let the thing go. Pepper had spent half the summer trying to tame the thing and it still wouldn't stop spreading. She was certain that countless people at the manor had probably seen her pitching a fit while hanging upside down from pergola, cursing the wysterias ancestors into oblivion. Those branches were thick.

Maybe that was why she'd decided that she deserved time working in the lobby.

So now she was enjoying a moment of rest, sitting in a chair near the front desk and rereading The Man in the Iron Mask. She'd forgotten how much she enjoyed the book, hadn't read it since she was fourteen or so, and was pretty caught up in it. Pepper had a tendancy to be very expressive as she read or watched movies, and she was currently engaging in gnawing her fingernails down with her teeth, eyes wide as two pound coins, while King Louis ordered d'Artagnan to arrest Porthos and Aramis.

Comments

[no-npc-here.livejournal.com]

“Ruth,” Roger answered after a moment’s hesitation, equally as quietly. “She um, she didn’t want to. But, well, I’d noticed something up even before, and then I couldn’t figure out why you didn’t come back, and I knew you’d have told her. I mean, she was your best friend at school, right? I just sort of, pressed it out of her.”

He hates talking around the barrier of Adam’s shoulder- he’d come down in person because talking on the phone was too impersonal, too distant, but now he felt farther away from her than ever as she stood flanked by the oddest assemblage of people Roger had ever seen.

“She felt terrible about it afterwards,” he added weakly, finding that as an olive branch it fell awfully short. “But I think… I think I have a right to know. It was my baby too.”

[playswithboys.livejournal.com]

Ruth. She had told him directly, he didn't even get it from someone she'd told, second or thirdhand. Nevermind the fact that she'd promised Pepper she'd never tell anyone. Ruth had been the only person at uni that Pepper had told anything to, and it seemed that she'd made a mistake. It couldn't make it any more clear to her that she didn't belong there.

The semi-apology that Roger was trying to hand over did nothing to calm the matter, and no she was not going to have an argument about woman's rights with him because that was not his concern. In the end it was Pepper's fault, her fault for being stupid and fucking up the same way her mother had, only the difference was that Pepper had never met her father for it, so things were reversed. Because her mother had felt the same way about him, apparently - "What did you think was goin' to happen?" she asked disbelievingly, stammering over the words with a dry mouth. "You thought that we'd have a baby? That we'd get married and live in some little suburb with a tiny green lawn in front of our house, and I'd learn to cook and sew and - " never imagine anything again?

She shouldn't be talking anymore, not with all these people around them and Adam, oh God, Adam and Wensley were hearing this, and suddenly Pepper did wish she was in a room full of strangers. In an odd moment of terrified reflection, she glanced back over her shoulder to the chair where her book and Crowley's bouquet rested. Lillies. So much for youthful innocence....

If only she could just disappear.

[average-adam.livejournal.com]

Adam merely stood there, non judgmentally, between them. He'd stop it when it needed to be stopped, but for now both Pepper and Roger needed closure. He didn't dismiss the others. They might still be needed.

[dangeroushabits.livejournal.com]

John set his teeth and reminded himself firmly that none of this was really any of his business and that Adam would deal with the little shit in whatever manner he saw fit. It didn't help much. He badly wanted to introduce his knuckles to College Boy's pretty face. Some dirty laundry even he couldn't countenance airing in public, and Pepper shouldn't have to put up with it.

He glanced at Crowley, symbolically putting his fist in his hand and turning a fierce glare on the punk to express the sentiment he couldn't act on directly.

[first-catwoman.livejournal.com]

Bast hissed almost involutarily, and focussed on ignoring the urge to treat this- this- kwrall like the aforesaid rabbit. She glanced up at John, seeing he was having trouble with similar sentiments.

Funny, though - a while ago it might have been the girl she was upset with, but all she wanted to do right now was have this pretty boy's blood decorating the carpet. She bristled visibly, tail lashing like a loose pylon in a high wind, and growled, long and low, deep in her throat.

[no-npc-here.livejournal.com]

“Well, I would have married you!” Roger answered defensively. She made him sound like such a misogynist bastard. It wasn’t like that at all! He would never ask her to give up her life or her dreams; it was just that he wanted her to be a little more grown up, to stop living in her fantasy world with stage combat and pirate stories and games better left to children. Babies were real, and you couldn’t just pretend that this one had never happened. It wasn’t fair.

“I just… I just wish you had told me,” he said finally. “I wouldn’t have asked you not to do it… I mean, well, I guess I would have argued, but I would have understood.”

He thought he would have, anyway. He was so far off his footing with her now that he didn’t really know anything for sure anymore. He held out a hand to her.

“How the hell am I supposed to understand you, Pip? You never once told me anything important, not over a whole year.” There was a self-deprecating, teasing smile on his face as he said the words, but the question was completely sincere.

He was doing his best not to look at the people behind her; he heard the clichéd expression ‘if looks could kill’ and he wasn’t quite sure at that moment that they couldn’t. Although it would probably be a lot easier to be killed than to continue standing there trying to have that conversation. He wished again that they could have talked in private, but as long as she seemed willing to have the conversation in front of all those people he would keep up his end of it.

He owed her at least that.

[playswithboys.livejournal.com]

This had to end now. It didn't matter if he would have married her, she never would have consented. It didn't matter what he wanted for her, no matter how nice it seemed, because she didn't agree. She made her own decisions and she lived with them. That was real life. That was being grown up.

He was as much caught up in fantasy as she was; just because his didn't involve superheroes or sword fighting didn't make it more valid or worthwhile. Certainly not here, were the lines were so blurred. And he wasn't supposed to understand her. He never had. He had been a replacement, and Pepper was only just beginning to realize how true that was. "I'm sorry," she said, only now her voice came out stronger. She had a job to do. "But there was nothin' for you to understand. An' maybe I shoulda told you about it, but I didn't. It was my choice and it's done. As for me tellin' you what's important...." She looked around then, her eyes lighting on the improbable flock that had come to her rescue without her ever having to ask. "You don't believe in it, Roger. You never will. There wouldn't a been much point in tryin' to explain."

[no-npc-here.livejournal.com]

And there it was. They just didn't belong together, and that was it. Roger stared at her for a long moment, almost long enough to forget the fact that everyone else in the room wanted to strangle him.

“Yeah,” he said finally, not knowing himself exactly what he was agreeing with. “Okay.”

He clenched his fists and, steeling himself, turned his gaze to Adam. “You take care of her,” he ordered, with all the fervor an ex-boyfriend could muster. “I don’t care if it’s what she can do for you or what they,” he waved a hand at Pippin’s army, “can do for her, or whatever. You take care of her. She deserves it.”

And then, because he couldn’t bring himself to turn his back on those people anymore than he could bring himself to really look at them, he turned only halfway and backed up awkwardly to the door and put his hand on the knob.

[playswithboys.livejournal.com]

Pepper watched him go. She took a deep breath as the door closed behind him, tried to be calm and focused, to not think too hard on her surroundings, on the weight of everything that had transpired so quickly. She tried not to think in terms of oh hell, what have I done? though it seemed inevitable. She tried to center her attention on something that wasn't related, wasn't part of the current situation, but the only thing in this room was eyes.

Then everything shattered.

Having a concussion was less confusing than this. She was cold and fatigued and she couldn't remember how to look at anyone dead on anymore. Her strength had fled from her and it felt so permanent this time.

[average-adam.livejournal.com]

Adam raised his voice. "I'm sorry that it worked out this way, Roger. I know you're tryin' to do your best. But you don't know what's goin' on and you can't know. And sometimes a few people gotta get hurt in order to help everyone else. It just turns out that you're one of the few. If you ever need anythin', though, you just write me a letter. And I'll take care of Pepper, don't you worry none. She's safer here than anyplace else."

His eyes drifted to the young man's hand on the doorknob and in a quieter voice added, "Just know that sometimes the fairy tales are true..."

He turned his back on Roger to address his friends. "Wensley, help me get Pepper up to her room. It's all right, Pep. Everythin's gonna be okay." Then Adam addressed the others, "The rest of you can go now. Bast, I'll talk to you tomorrow, if you like. My room's up on the third floor, first one on the left from the stairs."

When everyone was sorted out, he supported Pepper's other side, trying to get her up the stairs. "C'mon, Pep. You can make it. I'm right here."

[playswithboys.livejournal.com]

It felt strange letting anyone touch her after all that, she wasn't sure why they would want to. Adam was still there. Why was he still there? For some reason she had thought he would leave as soon as Roger was gone, away from his safehouse and all the people he had to protect. She tipped into him all the same, since her legs didn't feel all that steady at the moment. She just had to focus, why couldn't she focus?

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and even that small sound broke in her throat.

[average-adam.livejournal.com]

Something in Adam's heart broke then. Sure he was accustomed to tragedy. He saw it all the time in people all around the world. But it had never been personal before. It had never affected him or the people he'd cared about. And he'd never felt so helpless. This wasn't something that powers could fix. And he hadn't been able to prevent it. Not if he wanted her to be her own person.

"Oh, Pepper... Don't be sorry. Me an' Wens are right here with you and we're gonna get you to your room so you can lay on your own bed. And we're gonna stay with you as long as you need us, all right? 'Cause we're the Them and we always stick together no matter what." He looked at the book she'd discarded in all the fuss and smiled faintly. "All for one and one for all."

[playswithboys.livejournal.com]

[[gonna repost this to Wensley's piece of the thread so it doesn't get all pushed down ;)]]

[dearwensleydale.livejournal.com]

Nodding silently, and gratefully passing off half of the weight in his arms, he helped half-carry, half-drag Pepper up the first flight of stairs, murmuring comforting phrases with the breath he had to spare.

"Come on, come on. Another step, there we go." He couldn't tell whether he was directing these to one or all.

[playswithboys.livejournal.com]

They shouldn't stay with her. They shouldn't want to. They should just let her bury her face in her pillow for a month or so and not speak to a soul. She felt like she could do that. Easily. And she had been so certain that Adam would be mad at her for some reason, which didn't make sense if she really stopped to think about it, but some part of her still thought he should be. For lots of things. But most of all for running away and letting stupid things like this happen.

She stared at the floor. Only at the floor. She hadn't been ashamed over what she had done about the pregnancy, but she was sure as hell ashamed that everyone had found out. She bit the inside of her cheek and tried to breathe, just breathe. It wasn't working so well.

[average-adam.livejournal.com]

Adam didn't think less of Pepper for her choices. He believed more in the choosing than the end result. And besides, she was Pepper. She'd been there for him for sixteen years and he was damn well going to be there for her.

He gave Wensley a grateful look before speaking to her again. "Don't you worry. Everythin' is okay. And we're almost there."

[playswithboys.livejournal.com]

Had they been moving all this time? She wasn't sure how she'd missed it, but they were up stairs and heading toward her room, it looked like. That was good. She should have apologized to everyone downstairs for having to see that. It wasn't right that they'd had to.

Adam's words vaguely caught up with her after a moment. "No, not really okay, I shouldn't have..." Too many ways to finish that sentence.

[average-adam.livejournal.com]

"Nothin' else is gonna happen right now," he murmured. "And don't you worry 'bout shoulds and shouldn'ts. We c'n talk 'bout that all later. All you're gonna do now is be."

Adam kicked open the door and with Wensley's help manipulated Pepper inside and onto her bed. Then he sat by her side and started gently running his fingers through her hair, asking nothing and demanding nothing, simply being there.

[playswithboys.livejournal.com]

That was harder than it sounded. Just being. Because even if she tried to block it, the whole thing kept running over and over in her head, that stupid puppy face and phrases like "how normal people live." She tucked her head down to avoid Adam's eyes, hoped he wouldn't notice. She wanted to lean into the touch, but she kept thinking that it might be imagined, her brain making up for how terribly things had gone the first time she'd made a mistake at the manor.

[average-adam.livejournal.com]

"Pepper..." Adam could feel her pain. He sighed and wrapped his arms carefully around her in a hug, but one easily breakable if she didn't want it.

"There's no such thing, you know. As normal. Even if you weren't here with all angels and gods and things. Even if none of it were true. There's no one right way for everybody." He knew that most of what he said wasn't getting through, but he concentrated on his tone of voice and contracted his aura around just the two of them, making it as warm and comfortable as he could short of manipulating her feelings. Adam looked over at Wensley hoping the other boy might have some ideas.

[playswithboys.livejournal.com]

One of the things that kept coming through to Pepper was the fact that this was not something she'd had for a long time. She couldn't believe she'd managed to stay away from it so long. To go without people she could trust, who knew her. The more she thought about it, the more terrifying it was. She started to feel a warmth suffuse her skin, and it was then that she looked over at Wensley's ever-concerned face and finally said in a slightly clearer voice, "D'you think I could get a cuppa tea, Wens?" Her throat felt like she'd been screaming for hours. Like she'd been shouting and no one had heard her.

There were so many things she wanted to explain, just to make sure they understood, but they were probably things that would screw them up even more. Now when she thought of Roger's face the only thing she had to say was, it was because he was nothing like you, didn't even look like you, that was why I said yes when he asked me to supper the first time, that was why.... She suspected it would probably be met with confusion or another slap in the face, and she couldn't handle the thought of that right now, so she settled for sinking into Adam's arms, still staring resolutely at the quilt on the bed and murmuring, "Thanks for gettin' me out of there."

[average-adam.livejournal.com]

He understood. He understood everything. Her. Deeply. And it was okay. Everyone needed to find their independence, to learn about themselves, to be free. What kind of friend would he have been if he didn't allow them that? It would have been so easy to keep them all in his orbit, carefully preserved and unchanging year after year, but he couldn't do that. It wasn't fair. So he'd let them go, one by one. And it had hurt like nothing had ever hurt before. But they'd all come back to him. Each on their own terms. And they were stronger for it. Their friendships were stronger for it. It would never be the same again, but change wasn't always bad.

Adam just held her, murmuring any comforting thing that came to mind but thinking furiously all the while. You needed to know. You needed to know what life is like without me. It was important. Someday it could save everyone. Forgive me, Pepper. I've hurt you so many times. But you're the strongest. You always have been. The strongest.

He tightened his grip. "'s all right. I'll go back for your book and your flowers later."

[playswithboys.livejournal.com]

She shook her head a little, her nose brushing his shoulder. "S'okay. I'll do it later.... When I can bear to be seen in public again," she added morbidly, knowing that it would be a long time before she could. The flowers would have died by then. Maybe it was just as well. Lillies. She was pushing everything aside, cramming it back out of the way to pull herself out of it. Finally, she was beginning to feel more numbly shocked than anything, which was better because it wasn't as painful. Less reeling, more dull ache.

She would have to talk to Adam about all of this, she knew it. Even if he knew in his own way, which he probably did, there were things she had to say herself because she felt like a coward not saying them. Not just yet, though. Give it time to pass.

Pepper pulled away from Adam and lay back in bed, closing her eyes and covering them with her hands, disappointed when it didn't help the way she'd hoped. Darkness needed to be better at blocking out the world.

[average-adam.livejournal.com]

"You don't think anybody down there thinks any less of you, d'you?" Adam asked quietly. It had been a collection of demons, gods, occultists, personifications, and not an angel in sight, thank goodness. "They don't care none. They just wanted to be there for you, no matter what." It was really working. By some miracle, it was finally all working...

He knew she'd need to talk it out sometime, but not now. Adam stood and adjusted the covers on the bed to envelop Pepper and keep her warm in her shock and pain. "Tell you what, Pep. Why don't you just go to sleep? You'll feel better. An' I'll sit right here with you the whole time. I won't go anyplace."

[playswithboys.livejournal.com]

Pepper sighed. "I hope not. An' if they do, then sod 'em. Got no right to judge." There. That sounded more like herself. She'd get through it because she had to, that simple.

There was a strange kind of hope lingering in Adam's voice that made her remove her hands and look at him, finally. "They put on a pretty good show too," she added with a weak smile. "I should write out Thank You cards."

It was good to be cocooned in blankets and Pepper turned onto her side, curling up in them. He said he'd stay. And she found that she didn't mind that at all. Probably be easier to sleep with him close by, just like her first day back. Funny, that. "Promise?" she whispered.