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neutral_omens2006-09-10 02:35 am
grimsirius.livejournal.com) wrote in neutral_omens2006-09-10 02:35 am
Entry tags:
(no subject)
Time: September 10
Place: Library
Status: Private (Sirius and Aziraphale)
Summary: Sirius has a few questions
Sirius leaned in the doorway of the library, unsure. It had been a few days since his conversation with Crowley, and he'd so far managed to avoid tracking down the angel Crowley had mentioned. Truth be told, he was terrified-- he'd never gone in for religion much, but from what he did know about it, he doubted he'd stand up too well under close scrutiny. Still, Crowley said the angel wasn't a bad sort, so maybe it would be all right. He had Harry to think of now, so he had to get his problems under control, and he had to many questions to just put them all aside.
Blond and tweedy. The angel's name was something strange with a z in it somewhere. Sirius swallowed hard, and very cautiously stepped through the doorway into the library.
"Hello?"
Place: Library
Status: Private (Sirius and Aziraphale)
Summary: Sirius has a few questions
Sirius leaned in the doorway of the library, unsure. It had been a few days since his conversation with Crowley, and he'd so far managed to avoid tracking down the angel Crowley had mentioned. Truth be told, he was terrified-- he'd never gone in for religion much, but from what he did know about it, he doubted he'd stand up too well under close scrutiny. Still, Crowley said the angel wasn't a bad sort, so maybe it would be all right. He had Harry to think of now, so he had to get his problems under control, and he had to many questions to just put them all aside.
Blond and tweedy. The angel's name was something strange with a z in it somewhere. Sirius swallowed hard, and very cautiously stepped through the doorway into the library.
"Hello?"
no subject
Aziraphale decided that this conversation was probably going to need more tea, and drained his cup to make a new one immediately. "Death."
He coughed. "Well. I'm not certain you want to know all the mysteries of the universe just yet. Them being mysteries for a reason; the whole of death (and Death, who's a very nice poker player once you get to know him) is intrinsically ineffable.
"But," he continued, against all reason, "there is a Heaven. I cannot know if your friends are there but if they were good-" godly, moral, "-then they'll be up there." The angel picked up his new cup of tea and watched it, deciding it needed more sugar, and added a cube manually.
no subject
"I've met plenty of people who would use plenty of different definitions of what it takes to get into heaven. I'm not asking you to lay out the formula, just to clear a few things up. Do you mean they have to believe in something in particular? James didn't believe in anything, and neither did Lily as far as I know. Do they have to have been perfect, or followed all of the rules like, like, try not to shag anyone if you can help it, or is it good enough to break the rules and just be really really sorry?"
He considers this for a second. "No, it's not the last one, is it? Because I'm sorry for just about everything I've ever-- but I still didn't--" He stops talking rather abruptly, and focuses intently on cleaning up the spilled tea with a napkin. Aziraphale asking him straight out what he wanted had opened the floodgates, but he was suddenly very conscious of what he was saying and who he was talking to.
no subject
"If you're sorry," he said, and fiddled for a moment with his tea, "then that is enough, for many. A bout in Purgatory makes up for the somewhat unrighteous types... not that they mean to be, it's simply a matter of celestial opinion. So..." he faltered, "I mean, I can't impart a great deal, a lot of it is belief and faith - you have to believe yourself capable of being good enough for Heaven, or making the effort to be good. Although... it's a good deal less paperwork when one does follow all the 'rules'."
no subject
no subject
Aziraphale sighed. "If you- you can learn the rules, of course, if you have that original seed of belief in you already. An angel cannot give you hope you did not have already, as any preacher can make you religious when you weren't before. Everyone's capable of Heaven, no matter how great your sins are. You must be sorry for them, and you have that covered."
The angel settled a hand on the man's thin shoulder, gentle. "It's not a matter of believing you are good enough. It's a matter of showing that you believe at all - help others, follow the golden rules, be a good sort in life. You're still young, and have a life remaining to you - use it. Use it well." The Force is strong in this one, Aziraphale thought silently, watching him. The quote was a remnant from someone - nice young man, bit poor in the hygiene department - looking to purchase a "Star Wars" book.
I suck
When he risked a glance up and caught Aziraphale's gaze, he had to look away. But he nodded shakily. "Okay. Thank you. I'll try." He bit his lower lip. "I'm not really sure exactly how to, but I really will try."
It was odd, but the idea that he was young, that he had his life remaining to him, was difficult for him to process. He'd wasted so much time and lost so much, and he'd stopped thinking of his life as something that had any hope of lasting. But maybe old wounds would heal eventually, if more peaceful years went by. He wondered what he would do with all of that time, and Aziraphale's suggestion seemed as good as any.
Wtf? (Hey, rhyming!)
"Thank you. Perhaps it's also not my business to say, but you might also try letting your man - your friend know some of this, too."
He hadn't, quite, been sure what answer the man was looking for, but perhaps he'd found something.