(no subject)

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Time: September 5, 2000
Place: Manor Grounds
Status: Semi-private (Sirius, Crowley)
Summary: Sirius and Crowley finally meet again.



Sometimes Sirius thought he might be spending too much time as a dog. Case in point-- he really didn't think it was normal for a forty year old man to see a squirrel from outside a window and decide to chase it. He was subtle, of course, and even managed to restrain himself until he'd found a handy shadow in which to make the change, but as soon as he had transformed, the smell of squirrel sent him bounding across the grounds. The squirrel had proved the be a tricky bugger and had run up a tree, but Sirius had prepared for that eventuality, and had devised a brilliant counter-strike: to lean against the tree and bark threateningly.

Unfortunately, the squirrel was clever enough not to fall for this, and instead climbed ever higher into the treetops. Sirius sat, tail still wagging, but he knew it was better that he stop now. He'd been on his way to see Remus when he'd seen the squirrel, and he'd rather not take the risk that he get caught in such an embarrassing situation. He shook himself, and with a quick smell to make sure there were no humans or werewolves about, changed back.

Comments

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

Crowley's peace in the garden was shattered by a great black dog coming out of nowhere to bark furiously at the tree he was sitting behind. Annoyed, the demon was peering around the trunk, considering how to put it out of his misery, when it suddenly turned into that bloke he'd met in the bar sometime back who'd been rudely pulled away by that other guy just when the conversation was starting to turn interesting.

He raised an eyebrow. "That's a neat trick."

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius nearly jumps out of his skin when he hears a voice from behind the tree he's standing here. He calms down slightly when he realises that it is one of the few manor occupants he actually knows, and moreover an occupant he knows is rather generous when it comes to drinks. He takes a few deep breaths to calm himself down, and then steps out from behind the tree.

"Yeah, only, you weren't exactly supposed to see it," he said. "At least you're a wizard, too, or it'd take some explaining." He grins. "Crowley, right? Anthony Crowley? Nice to see you again."

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, that's right. I go by Crowley. Haven't seen you around for a while."

He stood, dusting off his trousers which were miraculously clean and pressed as he passed his hands over them, and turned to face Sirius. Reading the man's surface desire, he produced a hip flask of good whiskey and tossed it to him.

"I'm not a wizard, though."

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"No?" said Sirius, raising an eyebrow and accepting the flask. He wasn't positive was he was being plied with alcohol, but he didn't mind. He didn't have much to reveal, and Crowley was an attractive man, so there didn't appear to be any negative consequences to this otherwise slightly suspicious generosity. "Well, you're a damn good conjurer for a squib."

He opened the flask, and took a small drink-- it was only mid-afternoon, and Remus would be cross with him if he knew.

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

A curl to the lips that might have been a smile.

"I'm not a squib either."

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"You're not a muggle," said Sirius. He raised an eyebrow suddenly, thinking of something. "Of course, you didn't smell human when I was a dog. Vampire, maybe?" It could explain the sunglasses.

But truth be told, he hadn't smelled anything like a vampire, either. There'd been your typical animals smells-- birds, rodents, insects, the odd reptile, and the faint human smells from past visitors, but Sirius had smelled a vampire before, and he'd thought he would have noticed. Something was wrong here.

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

Crowley smirked. "Nah. But that's not the first time someone has mistaken me for a vampire. It's the suit, isn't it? Blood's not my thing, though. Shall I give you a hint?" He pulled off his sunglasses and tucked them into his suit pocket, looking up to meet Sirius' eye.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius gaped. "Well, I've run out of guesses. You'll have to tell me." He wasn't sure if he should run or not. Eyes like that were often indicative of some sort of dark magic. They even said that Voldemort had...

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

"Demon, as it so happens," he said calmly. "I know wizards don't go in for religion but you do actually know about demons, right? I'm not talking about grindylows, I mean real demons. Agents of Hell."

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius stared. Demons weren't covered in wizarding text books, except for some of the darker ones, but he had read quite a lot of his parent's suspect library during his time at Grimmauld Place, and his governess as a boy had been a devout Catholic. Sirius had believed, in an offhand way, in the existence of demons, but he'd never expected to actually meet one.

He went with the first response that came into his head. "Oh, that's nice. I was in Hell, once."

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

Crowley slipped his sunglasses back on, expression darkening. "No. You weren't."

Sirius' appearance and manner were ragged enough to indicate that he'd been through some sort of traumatic event, but nothing, nothing, was as traumatic as Hell.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Really?" said Sirius, snarling it more than he'd meant to. Demon or no, he didn't like being patronized. "I suppose that was heaven, then? A little different from the Sunday School version, don't you think?"

He scowled. "Trust me, that place, there can't have been anything worse than that. Maybe it's a place in Hell you haven't been to yet, or maybe you just don't know a goddamn thing." He shivered, remembering the cold and the emptiness so deep you couldn't even remember to feel lonely. His breathing was coming harsh, but he forced himself to keep it under control. He'd had a similar meltdown the last time he'd met Crowley, but he was much better now. He had to be getting better.

((I'm going to leave you a note at MP on my theory about where Sirius actually was, m'kay? No need to follow it if it doesn't work for you, it's just a theory, but it just occurred to me that it might be helpful.))

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

"I don't know where the fuck you were because you keep not telling me," Crowley spat back, "but don't tell me that it was Hell. You want to know what Hell's really like? Ask John Constantine. He's the only mortal I know who has gone and come back in roughly one piece. And don't you dare tell me what I know. I've lived in Heaven, Hell, and on this bloody planet for six thousand years. I know a fuck load more about it than you do."

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"I don't know who the fuck John Constantine is or where you've lived, I just know where I was, and I know I went through twelve years in Azkaban and that didn't even come close to as bad as where I was." He considered his odds of managing to survive a fight against a demon (not good, although he did know a couple dark magic spells that might come in handy), but instead forced himself to calm down. This wasn't getting him anywhere, and frankly, he'd liked Crowley fine before he'd started trying to tell Sirius what he had and hadn't suffered. If Crowley was a demon, then maybe he could have useful information. Sirius would do anything to avoid having to go back to the place.

He sighed. "Look, where I was it-- it's hard to explain. I wasn't conscious of anything while I was there; it was only right after I came back that everything was clear. It was just big emptiness that went on forever, and I could feel it eating away at me until I was eventually just a part of it. I don't remember any time passing, but somehow I came back, and it was five years after I left. I know that probably doesn't sound like anything to you, but I'd rather have pain or despair or any kind of feeling than to just disappear like that again."

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

"John is a mate of mine who's living here as well," Crowley coolly replied. "You'll probably run across him at some point and I thought he could offer you some insight. And I just told you where I've lived." He tried to restrain himself because he hadn't really minded Sirius before he started telling the demon what he did and didn't know. Crowley didn't doubt that the man had suffered, but did doubt that he'd suffered as much as he had. He'd had a lot less time in which to do it, after all.

He shrugged. "Well, whatever you perceived it to be, it wasn't literal Hell. Kind of sounds like Limbo to me, but who knows. At least you're not there anymore, right?"

Crowley wasn't very good at the whole 'comforting' thing...

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"I might not be there, but that doesn't mean that I can't go back," he said miserably, speaking one of his first fears for the first time, but not really in the company he'd have chosen. "Or that people I care about aren't there."

He paused. "But they wouldn't if they were good, right? I had these friends who were really, really good and they died, and they'd go to heaven or someplace, right?" If James and Lily had wound up in the place he was because of him, he could never forgive himself. Not that he could anyway.

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

Highly uncomfortable with the turn the conversation had taken, Crowley said, "Look, kid. This isn't exactly my area of expertise, all right? I don't pay much attention to what happens to people afterward. You probably want the angel for that. He'll make you tea and you'll feel better." Even if you don't actually learn anything about your friends, he thought, smiling faintly. In his way, Aziraphale was as good at putting people off as Crowley.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, sure," said Sirius distractedly, not even bothering to raise his eyebrows at being called a 'kid'. It occurred to him that a demon was not the best person to answer theological questions after all, and though he wasn't familiar with metaphysical ettiquette, his question may have been in bad taste. At any rate, he was embarrassed at losing control not only around a complete stranger, but the same complete stranger he'd lost control around a few months ago. He just wanted Remus to come find him, but he'd promised himself to be less dependent on his friend when he could help it.

"There's an angel here?" he asked, catching on that particular comment. He wasn't sure he really wanted to talk to any angels, because he didn't know what one would think about him. "You know, I'm probably not the sort of bloke an angel would want to talk to. It was my friends who were good people, not me."

I'm just the man who killed them, he thought, and laughed bitterly.

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

"There are a few angels here," replied Crowley, vaguely amused by the bitter laugh. "You should get out more. Or you may have already talked to one of them and not known it. Most of them are pricks, but the one you're looking for is all right. His name is Aziraphale and you can usually find him in the library on the third floor. Look for the blonde hair and tweed suits."

He eyed the man and wasn't quite sure why he added, "And angels don't need to talk to the blokes who are already good. Go see him. He's lived around people a very long time and has seen everything. What have you got to lose? Just don't tell him I sent you or I'll never hear the end of it."

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius nodded, processing all of this. He was nervous about speaking to an angel, but if it would help him sort things out, then maybe it would be for the best.

"Thanks," he said, nodding at Crowley. It was getting slightly uncomfortable here, so he stood to leave, and then waved the flask Crowley had given him. "Mind if I keep it? I guess I, er, owe you a drink, but let's put it off until I've got something to talk about more conducive to mindless alcohol consumption, right?" He wasn't sure whether he was being sincere or not; he'd have to see how he felt about it later.

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

"Keep it," said Crowley. "I'll see you around, I guess." Shaking his head, he returned to his quiet place behind the tree. Sometimes humans were so odd. He was beginning to think he'd never really understand them.