(no subject)

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

Time: August 15th, 2000 (night)
Place: Gardener's shed
Status: Private - Remus, Sirius, Dog
Summary: It's the full moon, baby.



It was well after the party had finally died down, quite a few of (but not all) the party guests having said their goodbyes and made their way up to bed, that Remus left himself, Sirius in tow. He'd been nervous in anticipation of the full moon - edgy, as if he was addicted to crack cocaine and he was coming down from a high. Adrenaline rush, eyes glazed, low grade fever burning under his skin. No one had remarked upon it, and Remus had enjoyed himself - and seeing Sirius enjoy himself - enough to stay longer.

He left with an hour or so to spare, knowing as he did that there would be a good book, a spare warm blanket, and a lantern for him to occupy himself until the moon actually rose. With Sirius there, though, the time flew by much faster with chatting and gossiping and companionable silences.

It was their last full moon, or at least Padfoot's last full moon with Moony. After this, forever after (or as long as Severus saw fit to provide him), Remus would have full control over Moony during full moons.

And there would be almost no need for this shed.

"Sirius?" Remus spoke up suddenly, clearing his throat. "Thank you."

Comments

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius, who was in the middle of retelling a hilarious tale involving James, Filch, an early test version of the Marauder's Map, and a lot of alcohol (Remus had been present for the event itself, but Sirius had apparently forgotten this somewhere along the way), paused. He glanced over at Remus and smiled warmly, scooting over to sit next to him and resting a hand on his arm.

"Hey," he said gently. "It's nothing. I guess it's selfish to say, but, well, I'm going to miss this." He paused, and bit his bottom lip. "That's terrible, isn't it? I didn't mean-- not you getting hurt, but, you know. Being able to do something to help." He sighed and moved his arm so it rested over Remus' back in a brotherly fashion, and he squeezed for a second on the far shoulder. "Like being able to help," he mumbled.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"You'll still be able to help, Padfoot," Remus said quietly. "The transformation will be the same. You remember how it was like in 12 Grimmauld Place."

He stopped just short of saying, I still need you. There was a limit to self-pity, and Remus Lupin had reached that long ago. He didn't want to tie Sirius down, either.

There was silence as Remus stared at his hands. "The full moon is close, Sirius," he said hoarsely, skin prickling. "You'd better..." He made little motions with his hands. "Move away, like."

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius was going to make some remark about being able to remember 12 Grimmauld Place very clearly, but he stopped himself. On other days, he didn't care about subjecting Remus to his sensitivity and erratic mood swings, but he wasn't going to let himself get in the way of caring for Remus on the one night a month Remus really needed him.

When Remus spoke, Sirius didn't want to let go of him. He'd seen enough transformations to know that he wouldn't be in immediate danger if he held his friend through the beginning, but he knew Remus would never let him stay for another moon if he tried. Remus could be sensitive, but it made sense-- he was very vulnerable before, during, and after his transformations, and trust was essential. Sirius had already broken it once, and he didn't want to lose it again.

But Sirius didn't move away. He pulled the blanket off Remus' shoulders, crumpled it, and with a little burst of wandless magic, banished it, the book, and the lantern to a high shelf (his wand was already on the shelf where it could be reached in an emergency and for healing the next morning without it getting in the way). Sometimes, the human smell on the blanket made the wolf destructive if he left it lying around. Then, he transformed, and and lay down next to Remus, licking his hand encouragingly. He kept an eye on Remus for the transformation to begin-- it was a horrible thing to watch, and to his shame he was always somewhat relieved when he had to come after the transformation had taken place so he didn't have to see or listen. But he would never look away unless Remus asked him to. He wasn't sure if Remus was even aware that he did this or of anything that happened while he was transforming, but if he was, Sirius wanted him to know that he wasn't alone.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

Somewhere outside, somewhere, the moon began to slowly rise, and Remus shuddered, backing away in an almost violent wrench.

"No," he choked, shaking his head, honey eyes wide and wild. "Padfoot, get-" away, and then the moon rose, and he forgot, forgot everything in pain and he shrieked, bones cracking and reforming, unnatural stretching and gruesome whimpers. His hoarse scream changed from one of a human to that of the howl of a wolf.

And then there was no Remus left, none at all, only an exhausted and panting werewolf in his place. Moony.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

The dog on the floor shuddered as Remus changed. The way his friend's body twisted would be bad enough, but the scream was the stuff of nightmares (or would be if Sirius hadn't had so many other nightmare-worthy experiences to compete). But he forced himself to watch, even if he had to edge away when Remus shouted at him.

You shouldn't be the one who gets hurt, thought Sirius as he watched, aching in a way that he couldn't understand. His parents had never been the type that could be trusted to look after him, and he had no experience with believing in the ability of another to take care of him before he had Remus. All he knew was that Remus helpless and hurting made him feel as though the world was falling apart, no matter how many times he watched his friend go through this.

Once the transformation was over, Sirius wanted to go reassure himself that Remus was okay, but first things first. He rolled over on his back, exposing his coarse-haired white belly to the werewolf, paws in the air. Moony would recognize him as pack, but Sirius knew from experience that he wouldn't be friendly until he was certain until he knew that the large dog was no threat. Sirius could probably win a fight against Remus, but it would be too dangerous to try if it wasn't necessary.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

The wolf staggered to its paws, slowly, unsteady from the rigours of the transformation. The moon, ever slow, was beginning to come over the trees, and shine into the cracks of the gardener's shed. Cold blue light began to spill over the dirt floot, outline their forms on the floor.

And the wolf growled, ears flattening, as it realized there was another being here. Canine.

Padfoot.

The low growl in his throat still hanging on from residual pain, Moony stared with wolf's yellow eyes at the surrendering playmate. It walked, crookedly, over to him, and watched, panting.

There was a faint hoot of an owl from somewhere far off, and, as if on cue, Moony bowed his great head down and sniffed. He whined, then, and nudged Padfoot, cold wet nose pressing against a soft black ear.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius, feeling Moony's ear-nudge of acceptance, wagged his tail, and squirmed his hips on the ground until he was able to roll back onto his stomach. However, he continued to crouch low out of caution-- it wouldn't do to surprise the wolf by standing to quickly. Bent low, he crawled closer to Moony, and nuzzled him under his jaw, ears back against his head. Sometimes James had made fun of him for this, after the moon had set. Sirius, at least as a teenager, was such a dominant presence as a human that his pandering to a wolf that they knew perfectly well was subdued and slightly shy Remus Lupin was amusing. But since the first time he'd witnessed the transformation, Sirius had always glimpsed the enormous power and strength in his full moon playmate, and was not at all embarrassed about surrendering himself to the wolf.

He licked Remus under the chin a few times, another expression of submission, and then pulled back, watching Moony for a sign that they could stop with the canine formalities and begin to play.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

The wolf raised his muzzle up, looking at the moon, and whined. He wanted to be out, running around the grounds, not trapped in the confines of the dark shed.

Echoes trailing back to him of his own whine, Moony dropped his head and turned back to Padfoot, and then the wolf grinned, mouth pulling back to reveal the long teeth, and licked him.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius wagged his tail wildly as soon as Moony gave him the sign that he was accepted yet again. Now that he's passed, he's finally able to make sure Remus isn't hurt. He walks around the wolf slowly, snuzzling him occasionally in concern, but finally seems to decide that everything is fine. Finally, he crouches low, and then springs at Moony to knock him off balance and initiate one of their play fights. Remus doesn't always like that he does this-- there is always the chance that something will go wrong and Moony will turn on him, but Sirius has been doing full moons for a long time now, and he knows how to keep the fights friendly and non-deadly

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

With the flick of an ear, Moony knew he'd pounce. It was a matter of when. He turned and caught Padfoot's dark blur, barrelling into him and they rolled, and Moony pinned him easily, both canine and lupine struggling to gain their balance, still wrestling.

There was something else in the air, some glint in Moony's eyes that the werewolf wasn't acknowledging yet. But he was starting to.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Padfoot's tail thumped happily as Moony knocked him down and wrestled him to the floor. He twisted his hips to turn over and pull himself out from under the werewolf, clamping his jaw (but without too much power behind it) on the scruff of skin and fur around the wolf's neck to change the balance more to his favor.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

Moony rose up and overturned Padfoot, making him release his grip on the skin there, and pinned him again, lowering his teeth to lock his jaw around the back of Padfoot's neck, pressing the dark head to the floor. And hold him.

This game was going to turn into something quite different.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius isn't at all sure what to think. Of course, it's just wrestling, and he plays it all the time with Remus at full moons (and sometimes not on full moons, he thinks, remembering their odd little picnic). But there's something-- he can't quite put his finger on it, but he gets the feeling that this isn't a game anymore, and that Moony doesn't want him to struggle back. He isn't sure what he should do, but decides that it would be a bad idea to defy the werewolf until he's figured out what's going on. He lies still and lets Moony press him to the ground, hoping he's made the right choice. He can trust Moony, can't he? They're friends, and Remus is still in there somewhere after all.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

This was innocent, could be taken as such, right until Moony, acting on sole instinct, or perhaps not, with his paws and weight pinning Padfoot to the ground, humped him.

It was a quick thrust of narrow hips, followed by another, and another.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

ohshit ohshit ohshit, thinks Sirius, although it comes out in more of a surprised yelp. Putting a lot more strength into the maneuver than he generally would in his play fights with Moony, Sirius twists and struggles to try and get the werewolf off, snarling as he does so. It's very likely this will have to come to a fight, he knows, and he hates that, but, well, there's only so much Remus can reasonably expect of him, and fucking a werewolf (who is also his male best friend, he mentally adds a second later), is a bit too far even for him.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

Moony snarled, ears flattening, but backed off, letting Padfoot free. Instincts were telling him to continue, of course; but there were more things at stake, things even a wolf could divine - Padfoot's submissiveness existed already, and here, here was a playmate, that had come back after so long.

Playmates were rare.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius crawled out from under the werewolf and stands, retreating to the other side of the room with a doggy sigh of relief. He turned with his back to the wall and watched Moony, and despite the werewolf's aggressive stance, Sirius didn't think he was going to start a fight. Sirius was glad of this-- he hated to have to fight Moony, knowing that whatever harm he inflicted would also harm Remus the next morning, and Remus could hardly be to blame.

Or could he? Sirius tried to banish the unwelcome thought, but he couldn't help it. Remus' sexuality had never bothered him before. Remus had always been one of his closest friends, and Sirius wasn't going to let anything so stupid as who Remus wanted to fuck get in the way of that. Except that if Remus wanted to fuck him....

It wasn't fair to attribute the wolf's actions to Remus. Padfoot was the only canine Moony was ever around, whereas Remus had a wide variety of men to choose from. Moony and Padfoot's pack mate relationship had probably just confused Moony.

Still. Sirius can't help stay a few nervous paces away. He doesn't know how he can keep Moony distracted so he doesn't hurt himself without possibly sending the wrong signals. He'd been in awkward situations before, but this is ridiculous.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

Pawing at the ground, the werewolf whined. Moony witnessed the hesitancy in Padfoot's movements, the- not fear, exactly, but definite hesitancy - and tentatively came closer, to nudge at Padfoot's soft dark ear and lick his face.

But there was a limit to how sorry a werewolf could get - the instance was soon forgotten, and a game begun.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius felt a wave of relief and affection as Moony came as close as you could expect a werewolf to get to apologizing. He wagged his tail and joined his companion in play, put at ease. It sometimes scared him, he had to admit, playing with a creature as powerful as the werewolf was, but he always reassured himself that Remus was still in there. He'd found out the hard way that it was a creature capable of acts that the real Remus could never fathom, and Remus had warned him that the werewolf wouldn't know the difference between him and any other human if they were to meet, but as long as he was in his animagus form, he trusted Moony.

He let himself get dragged into the game, his worries slipping away, and the two canines played peacefully (or at least as peacefully as they usually played, which wasn't that peaceful at all) until morning.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

Of course: morning.

When the moon set, close to the sun's rise, so did the screams and agonies of one Remus J. Lupin, former Defence Against the Dark Arts professor of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, rise above the glittery, dewy dawn.

The unbearable pain he didn't remember, when he'd wake, as the wolf could recover so much faster from the transformation there than the human could from the transformation back.

The Change left him panting and significantly less hairy and far more pale, but with some more injuries than he was used to - a bone in his leg hadn't set right on the change back and was crookedly poking against whitened skin, redness and swelling forming around it, and his left shoulder was dislocated. Other than that, the usual bloody scratches, swiftly darkening bruises, a gash where an old nail had gone through fur and another wound from a too-large splinter made up the rest, and everything was fixible.

Remus, fortunately, was still unconscious directly post-transformation.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius sat in the corner of the shed, ears back and trying not to give into his instincts to whimper as the change came over his best friend. The sounds of pain and terror from the canine throat slowly morphing to human screams tugged at his heartstrings, and it always took great effort to stop himself from rushing to Remus' side. The wolf was dangerous mid-transformation, and Sirius' presence might only make things worse. He waited until the body was completely human, until the screaming stopped and Remus went still. Only then did he transform back into a human.

He stood and picked his wand and Remus' blanket off the shed shelf, then crossed the paces to Remus' side and knelt beside his friend. He tried not to let himself stare at the sight of that pale scarred body lying across the ground-- Remus was modest, and it made Sirius uncomfortable to see him so involuntarily vulnerable. Instead, he clinically checked the wounds-- there were some scrapes and bruises that would be easy to heal, but the shoulder looked wrong, and he wasn't confident enough in his abilities to try to fix it. And the leg-- the leg was bad. Sirius winced in sympathy for his friend. This transformation looked like it was particularly hard, and Sirius was suddenly glad that there would be no more moons like this.

He set to work healing all of the little scrapes, the purpling bruises, the occasional open gashes that dared touch Remus' body. Once the skin was comparatively unmarred, he eyed the leg. It would be a very bad idea for him to attempt to fix it, so instead he muttered a little spell that would help numb the pain in that area for a bit. He considered setting it, but he wasn't sure that with a break like this, that wouldn't do more damage. Instead, he took the blanket and wrapped it around Remus' body, covering him from chin to feet.

He leant over Remus, brushing some hair out of his face. "Are you awake, old friend? This might hurt a bit, sorry." He lifted Remus' trunk, tucking the soft head underneath his neck for support, and then slid his other arm underneath Remus' legs. Between the leg and the shoulder, this wouldn't feel good, but he didn't know of a better way. Wingardium leviosa wasn't fun on broken bones, he knew, and there was no way he could leave Remus like this, even to get help (Remus had woken from this alone far too many times for Sirius' taste, and he wasn't planning to let it happen again).

Once Remus was fully supported in his arms, he apparated the two of them to the hospital wing.

[anathema-witch.livejournal.com]

Quite surprised by the sudden arrival of two people she had yet to meet from the Manor, one who looked injured badly, she immediatly went about making a bed. She had just gotten in too, so these people were lucky.

"Put him up on this bed here," she said to the dark haired one supporting his friend. She pointed to the bed nearest to them. "What injuries does he have? Anything other than a broken leg and a shoulder that looks out of place?"

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius nodded, and lay Remus down gently on the bed, supporting his head with his arms until the rest of the body was lying against the mattress. Then he lay Remus' head against a pillow.

"I think that's it," he responded, still keeping his eyes on Remus. "There were some scratches, but I think I got rid of them. The leg is bad, though, and it needs to be healed fast, because otherwise he'll just hurt it again," a brief, nearly imperceptible pause, "soon."

[anathema-witch.livejournal.com]

"Healed fast?" That could present a problem, after all, she was no angel able to heal with a touch, bu tgive her a month or two and the leg could be as good as new.

"Well, first, we will have to straighten the bone to make sure it heals properly. And it looks very nasty."

She looked down at the man whose leg was broken. "This is going to hurt a lot," she said.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Okay, you heard her, mate," he said softly at the unconscious man. He gave Remus a very gentle nudge, attempting to wake him without jarring the shoulder. Sirius had known Remus a long time, and he knew the man didn't like to be surprised.

Sirius then took his wand and muttered a charm, tapping it against Remus' leg. It should soothe the pain a bit in that area, but Sirius didn't want to try a more thorough numbing charm when Remus is already so out of it. Instead, he took Remus' hand in his and squeezed, hoping it would help a bit. It couldn't hurt worse than transforming did, but Remus was so exhausted, it wasn't fair that this curse should keep hurting him even when the moon had set.

Of course, Sirius has learned many times before that the universe doesn't give a rat's arse about fair.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

There was pain, hazy and sometimes sharp, as Remus awoke, clinging half-heartedly to the painless darkness.

He made a half-groan, eyes opening and fixing on Sirius' face, and the name mouthed silently. His expression was creased, up at the temples, and quizzical - what was to happen?

There were bones to set, he figured out, a moment later, floating still in that painful fog. He clutched Sirius' hand.

[anathema-witch.livejournal.com]

As she saw her patient wake, she grimaced in pain.

Sighing before any more time passed, she carefully took hold of the leg both above and below the break, and gave a tug to put it back together again. She hoped that this fwellow had figured out he had a broken leg in the first place, if not she may have some apologising to do.

It might have taken two seconds and she would really have liked to take an x-ray to see if it truly was in the proper place, but she knew that it would cause a terrible amount of pain.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

Used to pain, Remus convulsed at the sharp break, but was silent, hand tightening slightly.

"...Is 'at it?" he said, hoarsely, opening one eye.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

He glanced at Anathema. "Think that's it for the leg, old man," he said, rubbing Remus' knuckles with his thumb. "Still have to fix your shoulder there, but it shouldn't be too bad, all right?"

[anathema-witch.livejournal.com]

"Your shoulder is dislocated too." She said, feeling the shoulder and wincing as she did so, then grabbing hold of the arm, she gave it a shove and felt the bone pop back into place. She hated using force on things like this, but in a dislocation it was necessary.

"There, all done now," she stated, smiling slightly donw at the man on the bed.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

Remus nodded, as twisted muscles relaxed with deep twinges, and settled deeper into the pillows.

"Thank you," he returned finally. "Padfoot, are we staying? I'd like to..." He'd like to be in his own bed, Remus told Sirius with a glance.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Okay, mate," replied Sirius, reading Remus' look with practiced ease. With a quick spell, he bound the now straightened leg-- it would be easier to heal now that Anathema had found all the right spots, but he wasn't going to try it when he was on a night with no sleep and Remus clearly just wanted to rest.

Instead, he wrapped his arms around Remus' limp torso and, taking great care with the leg, lifted the man into his arms once again.

"Thanks for your help," he said to Anathema, before apparating them to their own bedroom and laying Remus down on the bed.

"Covers, or are you warm?" he asked. Remus was still wrapped loosely in blanket, but it smelled like grass and sweat and blood to Sirius, and he gently pulled it off to be washed, replacing it with the cool bedsheets.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"Warm. If that's all right."

The bones, where they were healing, ached sharply, and Remus twitched with a bit of a moan, trying not to tense or curl up. "Ergh," he said, intelligently, when the pain eased slightly.

He turned his head slightly, sticky hair poking up in great grey-streaked tufts, and watched Sirius bustle about.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

"Mmhmm," he said absent-mindedly, leaving the heavy covers off. He changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt, and then crawled in bed next to Remus over the sheets. He winced when Remus moaned, and inched himself closer.

"Here, let me--" He placed his hands on Remus' back and began to gently massage the muscles, keeping below the injured shoulder. He'd wait for the go-ahead from Remus before he went any deeper.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

He put up - a very brief - struggle.

His mouth moved, thin dry lips forming a sheepish, "Thank you."

The surrender let him relax, allowed him to burrow into the sheets a little, as familiar - oh, so familiar - fingers and palms pressed into sore skin and stiff muscles.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius had found the ability to give good massages among the most useful in his life, or at least his life up until Azkaban, where the skill had found little use. But he'd really learned and perfected the technique to help soothe sore post-moon muscles. His fingers easily found the spots he knew instinctually would be tense and knotted, and just as easily avoid the places where his touch would only aggravate the pain.

The way Remus relaxed and seemed to get more comfortable as he worked was a surprisingly good motivator. "See? Not so bad at all. Close your eyes and get some sleep, mate," he said, lightening his touch to a more soothing pace.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"Ummm."

He shifted, eyes beginning to close, catlike, as the assault on his muscles grew, and rested his greying head, sighing as he did so.

Unbidden, the feeling of exhaustion and contentment grew, as his body grew heavier, and he drifted off, in the safe intimacy of the moment.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Sirius continued his gentle massaging until he was certain Remus had finally drifted off. Then he slowly relaxed the movement of his hands until he could remove them without waking his friend, and ran his hand through Remus' hair in a gesture that was something in between ruffling and petting. Finally he curled around Remus with his arms circling the other man's waist.

What? There was nothing wrong with wanting to snuggle with a friend. Especially one like Remus, and one who had recently been hurt.

Of course, there was the matter of the werewolf, and the fact that it had tried to-- well. He wasn't going to bring the subject up, even if Remus was ripe for teasing this time. It didn't seem fair to tease him for something done on full moons when he lost all control of his actions. Besides, it didn't mean Remus was interested in him. It just meant the wolf never had any other wolves or dogs around, so it was only natural its instincts would center around the one canine companion it did have.

Besides, the thought of Remus interested in him was an odd one. Remus's sexual preference was no secret, and, well, there was no reason why he wouldn't feel that way about his friends, but for some reason Sirius hadn't considered the possibility before. The thought was strange, and also a bit...strange.

Shaking his head, he let himself drift off to sleep, thinking he was done with the subject.

That night he dreamed of a night a long time ago, when he'd picked a stranger up in a pub and took him home. It hadn't been too memorable an occasion, he hardly even remembered what the man had looked like, but in the dark light and the strange way dreams do, Sirius could've sworn he looked a bit like Remus. A Remus who'd wanted him all along.

It was a very nice dream. Right up until the part where he woke up and realised he was curled up around Remus with only the sheets between them, and he was dealing with a...somewhat pressing concern.

[-moonylupin-.livejournal.com]

"Mmmnf."

Remus was usually the early riser, but he was deep in sleep, held in thrall by the silent lull before REM sleep.

He didn't notice anything, just shifted slightly restlessly in the blankets, before settling down quietly again.

[grimsirius.livejournal.com]

Seeing that Remus was not likely to wake and notice anything, Sirius cautiously disentangled himself and made his way to the bathroom. His intention was cold shower, as he wasn't intended to go through with a wank that in any way involved Remus Lupin even if it was only through one of his odder sex dreams. But once he had the water running, the prospect of cold water didn't sound particularly appealing.

He turned the water warm and stepped in, appreciating the feeling of it running down his back and chest much more than he would have appreciated the cold water, thank you.

He lowered his hand to take care of the issue, trying to keep his mind blank so he wouldn't think of anything incriminating.