http://deatheater-cook.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] deatheater-cook.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] neutral_omens2006-07-30 05:15 pm

(no subject)

Time: Late afternoon, 25 July 2000
Place: The Manor Grounds
Status: Public
Summary: The Barbecue

Severus had prepared for this extensively, had done research as soon as he was told that he needed to provide food for a ‘barbecue’. Well, that was American, wasn’t it? A newly-published book titled The Great American Barbecue and Grilling Manual was his starting point. (The words ‘great’ and ‘American’ did not belong in the same sentence, although perhaps he might be mistaken, never having been to America.) After learning that this was not merely an American cuisine but a regional (Southern) American cuisine, he began to specialise. Having found a butcher to bring a pig and something to cook it over (yes, the whole pig, you dolt) he learned that it could have been done with a goat as it had been in the Caribbean, and with less effort.

Having put forth effort already, he pushed ahead. The intensive labour required to prepare food by the slow ‘barbecue’ method had been provided by Remus Lupin, although he surely did not understand when he volunteered exactly what it was he’d be doing. The butcher himself was also interested and so Snape had ‘invited’ him to come and help. Work for the day, eat. Bring your family with you and they can help and eat also. Only if they help. Severus’ labour shortage crisis solved.

The whole concept of barbecue sauce was confusing, so he’d made three kinds. Two for public consumption—a South Carolina style with mustard, vinegar and black pepper that seemed reasonable enough. Kansas City style that was thick, red-brown, and gloppy, made with a tomato base and molasses. The third was for Crowley, a Texas-style sauce amusingly named ‘Devil’s Spit’ made from a tomato base with cumin and hot chiles. These American chiles being unavailable, he procured an Oriental variety that were infinitely hotter. Let him call that bland.

Chicken would go on, although not for as long as the blasted pig, and sausages for the unadventurous. The Brunswick Stew might end up in the restaurant under ‘American Cuisine’. It was simple enough, with a tomato base, lima beans (or any beans), corn, other vegetables, and meat. Traditionally rabbit or squirrel but he could use leftover pork, chicken, beef or even cut-up sausages. Basically, a fine way to rid himself of leftover almost anything and he revised his opinion of American ingenuity. The true test would be Crowley’s opinion. If he disapproved, it was definitely going on the menu.

Okra and sweet potatoes proved impossible to procure. Field greens—of the turnip variety—were simple enough to cook in some of the extra pig fat. Black-eyed peas, which looked an awful lot like beans, with bacon. He made carrots in sauce of butter and brown sugar that seemed terribly French, but he simply shrugged. There would be green peas—not mushy, unfortunately, which would have made Crowley complain and Snape smile, a dish of fried apples that was a side dish, apparently popular with pork, and potato salad. It was a source of annoyance that the recipe he found for this called for red potatoes that did not need to be peeled. How brilliant would it have been to set Lupin to peeling potatoes for his own requested potato salad?

Cornbread was simple enough to make, although all the different names and types confused him. The concept of beaten biscuits was repulsive so he settled on cheddar biscuits instead. American biscuits, he found, were a bread roll that seemed a bizarre combination of bap, scone, and crumpet. But they were a Southern staple and very simple to make. Devilled eggs—also simple, seemingly French—were another extra dish along with pickles of varied types. He refused to make grits—porridge was bad enough at breakfast and he would certainly not serve it in any other time.

Cold tea, sweet, with or without lemon was also a disgusting concept. Lemonade, if people wished to drink it. Lupin had to deal with squeezing the lemons, too. He had procured some Bourbon and Belial would, he imagined, not object if any leftover made its way to the bar. Mint juleps required it. Mint grew in the garden and sugar was a staple.

Having no sweet potatoes with which to make sweet potato pie, which seemed unpleasant anyway, he went with pecan pie. It was too sweet, but someone would eat it. Pound cake with whipped cream (another job for Lupin) and blackberry cobbler, which was enough like local fare for people to be willing to eat it. If he could have found watermelon, that would have been amusing. But messy, so just as well he hadn’t found it.

All in all, it was a great effort on his part, slave labour or no, and people had better appreciate it else he would be extremely put out.

"Let Wensleydale handle things in the kitchen, Lupin. The butcher will take care of serving the meat. You can clear plates and make sure the dishes are all filled." He had planned this. "The butcher's wife can help with drinks. The children have been disposed of."

Out of the way, nothing more sinister. Eating now, washing dishes later. Work for food, and a good trade on his part.

"Keep an eye on the biscuits, Wensleydale, and see that they don't burn. And make sure there is plenty of ice."

He turned.

"No, mint juleps are not sweets, get away from me, you silly child." Weren't they supposed to be on the far side of the lawn, eating their supper?

Attention Edit: As of this point the Devil's Spit sauce is no longer on the serving table but in Snape's hands, doled out by him. Please do not have your character get into it.

[identity profile] average-adam.livejournal.com 2006-08-11 10:09 pm (UTC)(link)
"He's the doctor right now 'cause Raphael left, but he's not got any official doctor trainin' if that's what you mean. If you weren't always tryin' to make Wensley laugh in church, you might know more about him." Adam's tone was stern but his eyes were flashing in amusement.

[identity profile] bullfightposter.livejournal.com 2006-08-11 10:12 pm (UTC)(link)
"That's not fair! Lots of normal people are named 'Gabriel,'" Brian said, glaring. "It isn't like War or Famine or Pest'lence."

[identity profile] average-adam.livejournal.com 2006-08-11 10:29 pm (UTC)(link)
"But not just Gabriel," said Adam stifling a grin. He wasn't sure why he was arguing the point except that it was fun.

[identity profile] bullfightposter.livejournal.com 2006-08-11 10:35 pm (UTC)(link)
"Yeah, but even if it was a guy named Gabriel Pennyworth or something, you wouldn't SAY that. Not if you knew'm. You'd just say 'Gabriel,'" Brian argued doggedly.

[identity profile] average-adam.livejournal.com 2006-08-11 10:38 pm (UTC)(link)
"I call everyone by their first names, it's true," replied Adam, "but why would there be a guy called Gabriel Pennyworth here when everyone else is somethin' else or you know 'em already?"

He giggled, imagining Gabriel's expression if he called him 'Pennyworth'.

[identity profile] bullfightposter.livejournal.com 2006-08-11 10:42 pm (UTC)(link)
"I didn't know Shadow, you know," Brian said. "And HE'S normal. 'Cept he's American."

[identity profile] average-adam.livejournal.com 2006-08-11 10:46 pm (UTC)(link)
"You met him the day he arrived," Adam pointed out. "And who says he's normal?" He laughed. "But he is American. I won't argue with that."

[identity profile] bullfightposter.livejournal.com 2006-08-11 10:48 pm (UTC)(link)
"Yeah, but there could have been someone else-- there's Hugo! And the cook, and Luna, they've all been here longer than me."

[identity profile] average-adam.livejournal.com 2006-08-11 10:50 pm (UTC)(link)
"I thought we were talkin' 'bout normal people. None of them count, I promise."

[identity profile] bullfightposter.livejournal.com 2006-08-11 10:53 pm (UTC)(link)
"Wall, they all have last names, don't they? And that's the point," Brian said firmly. "Supposing they were wizards or 'luminaty or Tibetans. 'Gabriel'd be a wicked name for a 'luminaty fellow, and he'd have a last name, and he still wouldn't be an angel."

[identity profile] average-adam.livejournal.com 2006-08-11 11:09 pm (UTC)(link)
"Hugo doesn't even know what his real name is," said Adam, but he knew he was going to lose this argument. "But, anyway, he's the first Gabriel and he can heal like anythin'."

[identity profile] bullfightposter.livejournal.com 2006-08-11 11:12 pm (UTC)(link)
"Well, you should've just said," Brian said, sticking out his tongue.

[identity profile] average-adam.livejournal.com 2006-08-12 03:27 am (UTC)(link)
"'s more fun to tease you," Adam replied, poking Brian's tongue with his finger.

[identity profile] bullfightposter.livejournal.com 2006-08-12 05:01 am (UTC)(link)
"Is not. Pep's more fun to tease than me."

[identity profile] average-adam.livejournal.com 2006-08-12 07:39 pm (UTC)(link)
"You're both fun to tease. It's harder to tease Wensley, though."

[identity profile] bullfightposter.livejournal.com 2006-08-13 05:53 am (UTC)(link)
Tease... Wens? Wait!

"Um, Adam...? Did Wens, ah, actually dress up like a flapper?"

[identity profile] average-adam.livejournal.com 2006-08-13 06:04 am (UTC)(link)
Adam snorted. "You should'a seen it, Bri. You'd'a laughed so hard."

[identity profile] bullfightposter.livejournal.com 2006-08-13 06:07 am (UTC)(link)
"Oooooowwwh!" Brian moaned. "This girl Luna told me all about it. S'not fair, Adam, I wanna see Wensley dressed as a flapper!"

[identity profile] average-adam.livejournal.com 2006-08-13 06:10 am (UTC)(link)
"Wait 'til Halloween then," grinned Adam. "That was somethin'."

[identity profile] bullfightposter.livejournal.com 2006-08-13 06:10 am (UTC)(link)
"Come on, did somebody take a picture, at LEAST?" Brian asked, his voice a sort of comical doggy whine.

[identity profile] average-adam.livejournal.com 2006-08-13 06:13 am (UTC)(link)
"If anyone did, Gabriel prob'ly burned them all," he said, laughter in his voice. "You'll just hafta wait, I guess."

[identity profile] bullfightposter.livejournal.com 2006-08-13 06:15 am (UTC)(link)
"Oooowh, but he won't dress up the same way twice." Brian kicked at the ground. "Wannidda see Wensley inna flapper costume."

Cos it would have been FUNNY and he could have teased him for days.

...and he'd be all.. you know... legs.

[identity profile] average-adam.livejournal.com 2006-08-13 06:23 am (UTC)(link)
Smiling, Adam said, "It wasn't exactly his choice... What do you think he should wear this year?"

[identity profile] bullfightposter.livejournal.com 2006-08-13 06:24 am (UTC)(link)
"...Marilyn Monroe?" Brian suggested hopefully.

[identity profile] average-adam.livejournal.com 2006-08-13 06:28 am (UTC)(link)
Adam started giggling helplessly. "Only... only if he gets to pick your costume back..."