(no subject)

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Date: March 9, 2000
Setting: Mic's room and the hall
Status: Private: Mic and Raph
Summary: Raphael gets a taste of his own medicine




In the aftermath of the altercation, Raphael was annoyed. He flew upwards to the roof and brooded, angry that he always seemed to get the short end of the stick. It wasn't his fault that Israfel reacted like the freak he was. It wasn't his fault that the ceiling broke. Yet just because he was there, Crowley - and everybody else probably - assumed that he'd done something. Not to mention all the insult and criticism he'd taken from the other two angels for calling that rapist out over what he was.

Foolish of him to assume that he had the right to speak his mind. If he'd been the one to get angry and react, of course, he was sure they would have blamed him. It didn't matter what the role was; whether insulted or slighted, he was at fault. Always he was at fault. The situation didn't matter. The rules didn't matter. And one of these times he was going to get discorporated for a freaking misunderstanding.

Being good or bad to them didn't matter. They were all against him anyway.

Screw this.

In fact, he thought briefly, screwing was just what he could use. He was still furious and felt cheap but that was Mic's fault, for coming to him when he was alone and desperate, making him want the other being so badly. Or Michael. He wasn't sure who he wanted, exactly. Not anymore. But he knew what he wanted.

Bringing in his wings, Raphael entered in through the roof and took the stairs down. He went to Mic's room and knocked sharply on the door.

"Hey. Get up," he barked.

Comments

[demon-mictain.livejournal.com]

Mictain heard a knock on the door, then a voice he easily recognized. Well, well, well. It hadn't taken even as long as he'd expected.

Getting up -- for he indeed had been lying on his bed, not asleep, though, just being lazy -- he went to the door and opened it. On the other side he found the apparently rather annoyed form of Raphael. The more violent side of his demonic nature raised its head, roaring, telling him to take the angel there and then and teach him a lesson. He sushed it, however, telling that everything would come on its due time. So would his revenge on the healer.

"Well, well, if it isn't Raphael," he said sharply, raising an eyebrow. He leant against the doorframe, folding his arms over his chest. "What exactly brings you here? Have I done something that doesn't quite meet your approval? You don't look exactly pleased."

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

"I'm not.

Israfel's come down for some unknown reason, Aziraphale got discorporated, everybody blames me and part of my hospital fell through the roof when Izzy decided to pitch a fit. I'm not in a very good mood right now and you can see why.

So I came for what you're here for," he demanded. "And in case you're being thick today, that would be sex."

[demon-mictain.livejournal.com]

Mictain raised his eyebrows. Well, this sounded certainly interesting. "What I am here for? My dear Raphael, surely you don't believe I have that onetracked a mind," he said smoothly, smirking a bit, fangs flashing momentarily. "No, I'm not being thick. In fact I understand quite well. And my answer is no. No, I will not have sex with you."

Smirking at the angel, he pushed a stray lock of blond hair behind his ear. Now, to see how Raphael reacted to that.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

For a moment, Raphael was startled, taken aback. Then he swiftly become irate with the demon.

"What?" He snapped. "Don't be ridiculous. That's how it is with us and if you're not going to keep up your end of the bargain I'll get rid of you. I know you want this as much as I do," he smirked. "So why don't you just let me in now and we can get to it?"

[demon-mictain.livejournal.com]

Mictain smirked, deeply satisfied with the angel's startled expression. Now, this was going well indeed. A part of him wanted to give in, to just let the angel in and lose yet another battle, but he didn't. He couldn't, not if he wanted to ever get some sense into that pretty little head.

"Perhaps I don't want you anymore," he said calmly. "You're certainly pretty, Raphael, very much so in fact. However, I've come to the conclusion that you're simply not worth the trouble."

He licked his lips, deliberately flashing a fang -- better remind the healer who, or rather what, he was dealing with here. "I'm done being your obedient lapdog, constantly at your beck and call. Bodyguard, sextoy, only to be used whenever and however you wish, to be thrown away like a piece of trash as soon as you're satisfied -- that's all I've ever been to you, angel or demon.

"I fucking offered you my heart, Raphael. Completely, absolutely, without any conditions. You took it, played with it, poked and twisted it like some bloody human child would their toy. You could have had me, all of me -- fuck it, you had me already, yes, me, you had your precious Michael and he fucking died for you. End of story. No use crying over spilt milk.

"Then you come on to me -- no, play hard to get, are afraid of me, tell me to go away. Then you're all sweet words and fond attention, and then suddenly the worst little slut I've ever seen. Yes, Raphael, you were a slut back then, worse than Israfel ever was, and that is saying something. You're putting even Uriel into shame when it comes to unpredictableness, and that's a bloody good achievement, given that the poor bastard is completely nuts. Look, purely physical relationship is fine with me. I'm a demon, I'll take pleasure wherever I get it. However, you insisted on continuing your little game, doing everything your way, on your conditions. I tried to fucking make sure I wasn't pressuring you into anything and all I got for my pains was getting called an idiot. And then you don't even have the courtesy to stick around long enough for me to wake up.

"Well, no more, Raphael. You're pretty, and good enough a fuck, too, but I'm not desperate enough to put up with your fucking attitude. If I want sex I can always go to some human club and pick whomever I want. Humans shouldn't be too hard to tempt." The idea wasn't so bad, actually. He might have even seriously considered it had he not been determined not to give Lucifer any chance to get his claws on him. Angel or demon, he doubted Morningstar had forgotten about their little battle.

"So now creep back to your room like a good little angel and stop bothering me. Learn to know your hands better if you're so bloody desperate. If you ask me to have sex with you one more time I swear the next time I actually want to have sex I'll fucking come and rape you, Adam or no Adam. It'd only do you good, I'm sure. I bet most of the inhabitants in this bloody Manor would agree with me on that."

He finally fell silent, waiting to see whatever reaction his longish speech caused in Raphael.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

The angel was taken aback again and his mouth fell open in surprise. What he was hearing seemed almost incomprehensible and his better judgement told him to leave the situation alone.

But he wasn't very good at listening to his better judgement. And anger that had been seething all day was roiled once more by the demons comments. He frowned and scoffed.

"Finally grown a spine? How inconvenient. You sound so slighted. But don't tell me these injured fantasies.

I'm well aware of what I did to Michael and I admit to regretting that. But you are not Michael and I will not treat you as such. You are a demon - beneath him and beneath me. You call me a slut? I only ever cared for him, who you are not.

But you pretended to be, coaxed my need out of me. Was I to allow you to blatantly deceive me, manipulate my heart? Don't be ridiculous. I could not feel for a demon but I could sate myself, the hunger that you persisted in tantalizing. And didn't pressure... you lie. What was your appearance as the angel, if not pressure? You incite desire then claim innocence when I act upon it.

I called you an idiot because you acted like one. Why blame me for speaking the truth? And if you do not care if a relationship is purely physical, why be bothered if I am gone when you arise? You think you can draw a comparison between myself - who has only ever been with one - and Israfel who performs the seducation and goes from one to another? Feh.

You want humans then go his route and enjoy. You'll see. I do not need you or anybody else in this damned place. You can all go to hell, the lot of you - I'm sure there are many down there who would love to get reacquainted with you.

If I am not worth the trouble, you are worth less. Bastard," he snapped nastily then turned his back on the demon and started to stalk away, more furious than when he'd come.

[demon-mictain.livejournal.com]

Mictain listened to the angel's words with little surprise. Rather he would have been surprised if Raphael had actually behaved sensibly. However, he decided, he didn't have to take just any crap the healer dished out.

The angel turned to leave, apparently having said what he had to say, refusing to listen to any response. Well, that wouldn't do. Reaching out a hand, Mictain grasped the healer's hair -- if he'd taken a hold of his clothes the angel would have just miracled himself out of them; he was certainly devious enough. Pulling the angel back by his hair, uncaring about any and all sounds of protest or pain, he then wrapped clawed fingers around one of the slender wrists, scratching skin, making it impossible for Raphael to escape.

"Now fucking listen once in your existence," he growled. "This is exactly what I meant when I said I can't stand your attitude anymore. You'd drive a saint mad, and I never was very patient even as a saint.

"Perhaps I'm not Michael. However, what little remains of him is inside me. And let met tell you, even his love is rapidly fading, which is quite a lot to say when he died for you. Too bad he didn't realize in time you aren't worth the trouble.

"I'm not beneath you, nor am I beneath Michael. I am your equal, I am what became of Michael. You're a fucking angel; shouldn't you be thinking that all His creations are equal anyway? Even our resident nutcase has a healthier attitude than you do, as does everybody else in this bloody Manor. Newsflash for you, Raphael: Angels and demons are two opposing sides, not two different levels of existence with one going over the other.

"Me? Deceive, pressure? No, I only tried to make you let me stay, foolish that I was. What little remains of angel in me wanted you, wanted to be with you, and I let it take over the dmeon for a moment -- not to pressure you or take advantage of your feelings, but simply to make you more comfortable. I told you I would be content just to see you, be in the fucking same room with you. It was you who suggested sex, well knowing that I was a demon. And lust without love, Raphael -- watch out. Next time Uriel tries to off himself he might actually manage, and then you'll be responsible for the deaths of two angels -- besides yourself, of course, although you hardly will care by that point.

"Yes, I was an idiot -- an idiot to ever think you were worth a moment of my time, to ever care about you. I simply don't understand how you can still call yourself an angel when clearly the only one you care for is yourself. And yes, I can draw comparisons between you and Israfel. At least he also cares about his partner's pleasure, while you only care for your own benefit and satisfaction -- and to get that you're ready to do just about anything. That, Raphael, is a slut. You never were anything else, either -- or did you not use sex to make sure Michael stayed loyal to you? Forget being a slut, you're a downright whore.

"Perhaps you think you don't need anybody. That is not true. You need people very much, need to feel that you're needed, need somebody to treat, to advise, to lead to right, to fucking control. The problem is that nobody else needs you. At the moment I very much hate you, Raphael. Everybody hates you. Angels, demons, and humans alike are all fed up with your fucking attitude. If it wasn't for Adam you would have been kicked out ages ago. And as for going to Hell -- I'm confident that when I finally wander Down There I'll find you already there.

"I'm a bastard now, apparently. Fine, call me whatever you want to. However, if I'm a bastard, it makes me wonder what you are, for at the moment you're more a bastard than I ever could be -- and I'm a demon. You're a fucking angel, no matter how hard it's to believe at times. With angels like you, there's no need for us demons."

He tugged sharply at the coppery hair he was still holding. "Why do I even bother? It's not like you're going to listen anyway. After all, everything that doesn't work towards your ends is worthless to you."

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael twisted.

"Get off," he demanded through gritted teeth, trying not to let the demon know how harshly his words struck. "I never did any of this before you and your... your claims of love! Comfort? Don't be ridiculous. You wanted. Drew me into lust. Your fault.

I don't care if you hate me. You're nothing but a boor. Michael is above you because he was better than you - after all, Falling implies being beneath, does it not?

Now I repeat. Get off and keep your chastisement to yourself or I will defend myself against you."

[demon-mictain.livejournal.com]

Mictain raised his eyebrows. Well, if that was how it was going to be. He could live without Raphael -- it might stung, but he'd done it before. Even if he didn't manage to teach the healer a lesson and then lure him back, at least he had come to his senses about Raphael. He would no more be a lapdog.

With one last tug at the red hair, he thus let Raphael go. No use holding him back; he wouldn't learn anything anyway. "Run off, angel," he said, smirking. "But remember, denying the truth makes it no less true."

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

Raphael put a few paces of distance between him and Mictain before turning around.

"Go fuck yourself, you filthy beast," he spat and let loose a blast of holy aura before fleeing towards the safety of his own room.

[demon-mictain.livejournal.com]

Mictain was taken aback at the sudden attack. Oh, but that hurt. And what language, too. The angel was truly worse than he was.

Apparently he had managed to hit home, too.

Of course, he had been hit as well. Quite hard, too. He'd be feeling it for a while afterwards -- or he would have, had he not been an expert in closing out pain. He still felt it, but did not notice it. Ah, the benefits of having six millennia of experience from battles.

The attack, he decided as he again closed the door of his room, this time to give himself the chance to recover from the blast of holiness, was only one more thing Raphael would pay for.

One more thing among many others.

[winged-healer.livejournal.com]

The healer nearly tripped over his own feet in a hasty effort to get back to his room. He slammed the door shut and locked it, just in case Mictain had decided to follow and possibly make good on some of his earlier threats. His heart pounded and it took several moments for him to finally cease his frantic breathing.

Alone again, he flopped onto the bed next to Frankie and buried his face in the pillow. Aziraphale was dead, Mictain loathed him and between the two incidents he was entirely alone.

There was nothing to be done about Aziraphale - in the end it had just been an unfortunate culmination of circumstances. Despite his comments to Israfel, the other angel should have been more responsible - but even he didn't realize the roof would collapse. Briefly Raphael wondered what had become of him.

He realized in a vague way that Crowley might come after him also, but he wasn't overly concerned. He didn't relish the threat of discorporation but he felt somewhat confident that he could hold his own against Crowley; he had before. He wondered how everything ended up sorted out, but he wasn't about to go downstairs for anything - indeed he was loathe to leave the room.

Mictain, however, was a problem of a much more insistent and pressing kind. He did not trust demons, not with anything, but Mictain was confusing him badly. Part of Raphael, which regretted what he'd done to Michael, had wanted to open up again. The other part despised the mistake he'd made and the demon Michael had become and refused to let him trust.

He'd settled for sex but ended up hating himself for that as well. Nausea welled inside of him, however, when he realized that Mictain was right; he was a slut, but too afraid to admit it, he'd attempted to shift blame.

The whole horrid mess was the result of his conflicting desires. He wanted the being's body, especially when he made an effort, but didn't want to risk himself emotionally. He wanted the angel but not in the trappings of the demon. He feared being harmed and yet wanted Mictain. Sometimes he did not want to be hurt, physically or emotionally, and yet sometimes physical pain was rather arousing. He did not want to risk his heart; instead wanted things his way or no way. He wanted control and sought it through coercion.

They were contradictory, base... whorish, these feelings and actions of his.

And in the end he'd created another mess that he had no idea how to fix and wasn't sure he wanted to. It would mean admitted that the demon had been right, admitting another mistake - falling down again just when he'd thought he'd gotten back up.

Luckily, unlike after the Fall, there would be no prying eyes to know what he'd done and push him into talking about it. So Raphael stayed in the room and pouted on his own, no longer afforded even the distraction of cleaning his hospital.

His body still twinged to think of Mictain, however, and when he tried going back to being effortless, experiences seemed even more dull than before. So he made the effort and waited, hoping his body would settle before he had to resort to Mictain's lewd suggestion of his hand on a regular basis.