neutral_omens | (no subject)

Date: December 29, 1999 (right after Michael's conversation with Raphael)
Setting: Mostly Uriel's room
Status: Private -- Michael and Uriel (Complete)
Summary: Michael needs to talk.

Michael's mind was a mess as he walked down the corridor. A part of him -- well, actually most of him -- was still stunned. He had actually kissed Raphael. Twice. On Raphael's insistence.

It was rather unbelievable, really. The fact that he had finally been told to leave, and that Raphael would probably just deny it all come morning, did nothing to make him less delighted. The end of the world could have come right then and there, and he would still have been perfectly happy. Well... maybe not. But close enough.

Slowly, however, his mind came back to other, more disturbing matters. Now that he was mostly out of his stunned state, the feeling of uneasiness that had been nagging at him for a while now had come back. Throughout his conversation with Raphael he had been getting this same feeling, telling him that something was definitely not right. And, like he had already told the healer, he sincerely feared for Raphael, for he was rather certain that the thing that was wrong was Raphael's thoughts and attitude. Recently, Raphael had... changed.

Oh, he still loved Raphael, of course -- which was exactly why he was so concerned. Perhaps he was just overreacting. He'd been thinking about nothing but Raphael lately; it was only natural that his mind linked everything else with the redhead. Most probably his feeling of uneasiness was the result of something entirely else -- or it was just his own imagination. Yes, that must be it.

So why couldn't he make himself believe it?

He simply had to talk with somebody about it, but didn't know who. It had to be another angel, that was for sure. He wouldn't talk about such a matter with anybody else. However, there weren't many angels nearby, and somehow he didn't think he should go to Aziraphale and Gabriel. Uriel seemed like the best option, but... it would probably be nothing short of extremely awkward to discuss such a thing with him.

However much he thought about it, Michael kept coming back to the conclusion that he had to talk with somebody to put his worries at rest or at least clear his head. By the time he had reached Uriel's door, he had come to a decision.

He stopped, turned towards the door, and knocked.

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"Me?" Uriel raised an eyebrow at the question. He honestly hadn't expected that; he had thought the answer would be rather obvious. "My dear Michael, I don't understand why you would even ask that of me. You should know that I hold little ill feelings for any of the Fallen solely because of what they are. More important in my opinion would be Raphael's reaction. Few demons actually feel comfortable around me for obvious reasons. And very few of them feel comfortable around you, I've come to notice. Therefore, I do wish you still have Raphael's trust, or it may not even matter whether or not you love him as he will hate you anyway."

With a quiet voice, he added, "And you know very well that if he brings it upon himself, you cannot stop it from happening. Nobody can do that; stopping me, should you be successful in that, still wouldn't change the final result. The only thing you can hope to do is to stop him before he goes too far."

"Stop him? When he doesn't listen to me?" Michael let out a bitter chuckle. "Fat chance, Uriel. I tried to talk to him, and all he did was going into hysterics."

His mind told him to stop, but his mouth kept going as it said, "And I didn't mean how you would react to a Fallen Raphael. I meant how you would react to the whole situation. After all, I wouldn't want to lose two fellow archangels at once." He wanted to smack himself as soon as the words had left his mouth, but forced himself to stay still, knowing that he couldn't pull the words back. Therefore he just stood there, watching Uriel, waiting for an answer of some kind.

Uriel flinched again at Michael's words, this time visibly. The other was right, he knew. Felling somebody hurt the more the more powerful the angel was, and his depression afterwards was a direct result of that. Felling a fellow archangel might very well drive him to his lowest. He did know his own weakness well enough. Michael didn't need to rub it in.

"That I cannot tell you," he said, forcing his voice to stay emotionless. "Perhaps it is best, then, that if we do actually come that far, you shall come to check up on me afterwards, hm? Of course, that is only if you would actually care about my survival after I Felled your beloved Raphael. All this is purely hypotethical, of course, seeing as you will not allow anything like that to happen."

Drawing a deep breath that was not entirely connected to his need of air to speak -- something that disturbed him; he rarely let himself get upset enough to breathe unnecessarily if he could help it -- he then said, "And, in all honesty, I think you would have the best chance of getting him back to his senses. I did try to warn him that he is not going into the right direction, but I fear I only managed to aggravate him even more."

Michael lowered his eyes, ashamed at himself for hurting his colleague so. There was rare pain visible in Uriel's eyes that the other archangel seemingly couldn't -- or perhaps just wouldn't -- conceal. "I apologize", he said quietly. "I didn't mean to hurt you. And I would never wish for your death, Uriel. It's not like you decide who Falls and who does not; that's only Him."

He sighed a bit, forcing himself not to put his hand in his hair again. "Yes, I fear Raphael would not listen to you," he said quietly. "Apparently you have begun to annoy him -- at least that's what he said. Also, apparently there is something seriously wrong with your sense of humour if you find my love for Raphael amusing," he added, a faint smile on his lips. "Of course, this is Raphael's words, not mine."

Uriel lowered his own eyes. "It's quite okay," he sighed. "After all, you didn't say anything that is not absolutely true." He closed his eyes briefly, then opened them again, looking at Michael. "It's just that the truth is often a hurtful thing. I -- I know myself very well, Michael, and especially I know my own weakness. you don't need to remind me."

He was silent for a moment, then smirked a bit. "I've got a strange sense of humour, eh? Well, that is probably true. I do find rather strange things amusing, after all." Becoming again serious, he then continued, "What I'd like to know, however, is whether it is truly me he finds annoying... or just my warnings not to go down the path of questioning, as it rarely ends well. Since if it is my warnings that annoy him... then perhaps we have more of a reason to worry about him than we even thought."

Michael bit his lip. "I -- I don't know just what it is," he said. "I definitely hope that he is annoyed by you -- no offence, of course, Uriel. You probably understand where I'm coming from in this. I just..." His voice trailed off, and he sighed.

"No matter how much I usually despise demons -- I don't think I have to tell you -- I would still love Raphael even if he Fell. What I fear is what it would do to Raphael. If the mere suggestion of it makes him freak out like that, the actual thing might break him, or change him in ways I'd rather not think about.

"You know, if Raphael truly Fell, Hell could get rid of me rather easily by simply ordering him to kill me. I don't think I could even try to kill Raphael, not even if he was a demon attacking me and it was my own life in question."

Uriel raised an eyebrow. "Let's just hope that He Below doesn't happen to think about that possibility," he muttered. "To take out the leader of the Heavenly Army -- what a victory it would be to them!" He then added, "Of course, an archangel Falling would also be a victory to them. The demon who could claim credit for that would be richly rewarded indeed."

He sighed. "Your love and devotion for Raphael are incredible, Michael," he said levelly, not teasing or taunting, just stating a fact. "However, I can't help but wonder whether they are... excessive." After a small pause, he added, "Or perhaps it's just that I simply don't understand it. After all, I have never felt anything like that myself. How anybody could love anything but Him so much is beyond my skills of comprehension."

"I would do anything for him," Michael said quietly, staring off into space. What he saw at the moment was Raphael's face, clear and so very beautiful in his mind's eye. "Anything at all. I would die for him, if need be. I -- I think I would even Fall for him, if that could save him from Falling."

Uriel looked stunned and opened his mouth to reply, but Michael hurried to explain, raising a hand to silence the other archangel. "It's not that I don't love Him, not at all. I love Him above anything or anybody else. However... I know that Raphael loves Him above everything else as well, like he has told me several times rather clearly. I'm strong, Uriel, you know that. I could survive it -- perhaps even be redeemed one day. But that pain... I don't want Raphael to ever have to feel it."

"If you truly love Him more than you love Raphael, why would you give up His Presence to protect another angel?" asked Uriel seriously. "And wouldn't it be disobeying His orders if He has seen it that somebody must Fall and you try to prevent that?" Uriel couldn't help but be worried. It looked like playing with dangerous things was more a rule than an exception among his fellow archangels.

He shivered as Michael talked about strength. He didn't know whether Raphael could bear the Fall, but he did know that he couldn't. He'd be the first to admit that he was not entirely sane even as it was. His brief experiences of existence without the Presence were more than enough to convince him of the fact that should he lose it for a prolonged time, he'd go crazy entirely.