neutral_omens | (no subject)

Date: December 12th, 1999
Status: Private - Michael and Raphael (Complete)
Setting: The Lobby
Summary: Necessary rearrangements to the ornaments and what happened then.

Michael wandered to the lobby, taking a look at the Christmas Tree. There'd been a few additions since he had last seen it. Seeing a tiny rod of Asclepius, he smiled, knowing who had hung it there. If he concentrated enough he could almost sense a bit of Raphael's aura radiating from the small ornament.
Then, however, he noticed something absolutely shocking. The two little angels that had been so happily holding hands when he'd last seen them were now sitting apart! And on separated branches, even. Now, that most certainly wouldn't do. The poor angels were both so lonely that way!
So, taking them into gentle hands, he yet again set them sitting next to each other. As he nodded at them, they again took a hold of each other's hand, seemingly quite happy.
Michael nodded to himself. Yes, that was very good.
Then, however, he froze as he heard something he had definitely not expected to hear.

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Michael didn't respond and his silence boomed for the other angel. He looked away and Raphael felt like a carpet had been ripped out from underneath him.

Michael made an effort?

He couldn't help himself and made an involuntary noise of surprise.

"Why?" He managed to say. "Why would you do that?"

take a look at your friends sometime and tell me again that no angels you know make an effort

"I thought the demon was just lying..." He swallowed, feeling nauseous. Michael was an angel among angels... if he wasn't sexless, then nobody was about suspicion.

Suspicion...

I get the feeling that there's a certain male shaped being around who'd like to try it with you...

He grew quieter.

"You kept running your fingers through your hair. You only do that when you're nervous. What are you nervous about Michael?" He asked, his low tone starting to become accusatory.

"And what did you mean by those ornaments, anyway?" He wondered coldly. "I suppose you thought that they ought to be 'making an effort' too?"

His eyes stung and he wondered if this was what betrayal felt like. The one angel whom he assumed would share his sentiments...

And he made an effort.

Michael turned back towards Raphael, feeling helpless. What was he supposed to say to that? Because he liked the sensations a truly human body gave him? Because he didn't only love, but also wanted? Because he wanted and desired and lusted, and the object of all those feelings was Raphael, sweet, pure, innocent Raphael?

No. He wasn't about to tell Raphael that. And so, he remained silent.

It took all willpower Michael had left not to run his hand through his hair when Raphael mentioned that. This did surprise him a bit, though. Usually Raphael wasn't really the most observant of beings; rather, he was about as unobservant as an angel only could be. That he had actually not only noticed but also interpreted right his little habit was quite startling.

Of course, it definitely didn't make him any less nervous.

Ah, yes, the ornaments. An almost desperate chuckle escaped his lips as Raphael spoke about the tiny ornament angels making an effort. Oh, wouldn't he have loved that, to have Raphael respond to his feelings in such a way. Had the redhead even correctly guessed just who the two little angels represented to him?

Raphael was staring at him, obviously waiting for an answer. And, knowing that he would have to speak sooner or later, Michael said the only thing that came to his mind at the moment as he averted his eyes, unable to bear the intent stare full of hurt and betrayal.

"I... I am sorry, Raphael," he whispered, closing his eyes. From the corner of his eye a single tear fell, trailing down his cheek as he bowed his head, turning halfly away from the other archangel. "I am sorry."

"Sorry? Sorry for what?" Raphael asked in a flat, still voice.

"Apparently the demon was right and I'm the ignorant one. So tell me - do they all make efforts? Gabriel? Aziraphale? Metatron? Am I the only sexless one? The only stupid one?"

He paused for a moment. A furious blush graced his cheeks.

"So tell me, is it as fun as the demon says it is? As enjoyable? Enlighten me. Demons lie so tell me the truth.

And while we're at it - got any kids?" He added as a last, uncharacteristic barb.

Michael shuddered at Raphael's tone of voice. This was the worst one possible. Anger he might have handled, disappointment even -- well, even disgust, had it come down to it. However, this flat tone, hiding so much hurt and sense of bertrayal behind itself, was more painful than anything else might have.

"No, I don't have kids," he choked out. "I have never actually had sex with somebody -- never, Raphael! You have to believe me, I've never slept with anybody! Making an effort doesn't necessarily equal sex. And --"

He stopped for a moment, thinking about what he should say. Then, he sighed. "As for the others, well, I don't know, although I doubt I'm the only one. Gabriel? I suppose so. Aziraphale? Probably. Metatron? I do not know, and I honestly do not even want to know. And you are not stupid," he added then as an afterthought. "Remaining sexless doesn't make you stupid... just innocent. Perhaps we're the stupid ones." He laughed, a desperate sound, the laughter of somebody who is trapped and doesn't know of an escape.

"Fun? Enjoyable? Depends on what exactly you're asking about. As I already told you, I have never slept with anyone. I have never actually cared about somebody enough to sleep with them -- I definitely don't go for casual sex. But making an effort? Yes. The sensations you get from turning your body wholly human, the feelings... it's overwhelming, really. And although I've never slept with another being... I have... well, played with myself, occasionally. And yes, it is enjoyable. Very much so. On that, the demon did not lie to you." Now, he certainly couldn't look at Raphael. He knew that there would only be disgust in those honest eyes, the gentle smile replaced with a grimace. That he couldn't bear.

He couldn't bear to know that Raphael hated him.