(no subject)

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

Time: September 28, 2000
Place: Loki's Room
Status: Private (Uriel, Loki)
Summary: Confronting and comforting.


Uriel was quite happy as she made her way back from yet another check-up. Everything was going perfectly well, she had been assured. Both she and little Bran were doing well, and things seemed to be developing at a normal pace. Activity, weight gain, everything matched her current stage.

Loki should be happy to hear this, she suspected. At the very least he might be interested in knowing what she was going to call her child.

With this in mind, she headed towards Loki's room. Knocking on the door, she asked, "May I come in?"

Comments

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

"Fat? All I said was that you're too big to eat!" Loki protested. "Just look at the size of that wing and remember that I'm usually quite content with a single chicken wing on my plate. You can't really expect me to be able to eat a bird with wings this big!"

Okay, so he also expected some vegetables and salad to go with that chicken wing, but it still wasn't as much food as could probably be made out of a single angel-wing. Not that he felt like trying.

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

"Well, hopefully Bran's wings will be more to your taste, then," Uriel commented. "I say hopefully, since if they get too big, somebody else will have to give birth to him. Winged creatures are meant to hatch from eggs, after all."

Then, she laughed. "Well, fat is what I definitely feel like," she said. "I may not have doubled my weight during this pregnancy, but it definitely feels like that whenever I try to get up from a chair."

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

"I don't eat baby wings!" Loki exclaimed horrified. What a dreadful thing to do!

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

"You don't?" Uriel asked, still teasing. "What about old wings? Does 'baby wings' only count for the wings of babies, or also for wings that have just grown to older creatures?"

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

"It counts for any wing that doesn't belong to an adult and very dead chicken," Loki decided.

It had been a long time since he'd eaten any other sort of bird at least.

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

"Boring." Uriel grinned. Then, after a moment's pause, she said, "...Could you please continue? It felt nice."

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

"Well, I've been a bird a few times," Loki explained. "I'd be almost cannibalism to eat a falcon for example."

He obediently returned his attention to Uriel's wing. Not that he would tolerate her bossing him around, but it was nice and soft and he wanted to continue. He was only doing it because he felt like it of course!

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

Uriel laughed. "Well, thankfully I can only remember being a raven," she said, "and they aren't usually eaten. Although," she then added, "Huginn and Muninn sometimes sure make me wish otherwise..."

She smiled as Loki's hands returned to her wings, instinctively bringing the feathered limbs closer to the touch. However nice it felt, though, she wasn't quite ready to completely forget their former topic of discussion. "If anything new happens on the John front, please tell me," she said. "I'd hate to think that you are completely alone save one clumsy, stupid not-god."

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

If anything happened on the John front? What was supposed to happen there? It was over and done with. He just wished it had gone differently, but that's why one shouldn't make friends with humans.

"It's okay," he told Uriel continuing to slide his fingers through her feathers evenly. "I'm used to not having many friends. Most of my life Odin was my only real friend."

And sometimes even he hadn't been and Loki had still survived. It wasn't like one needed friends. Right?

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

"Most of my existence I did not have real friends at all," Uriel said. "Michael was the closest to that, and even he... Well, it doesn't matter. I'm not entirely sure I have friends even now, sometimes, but I've come to notice that they do a lot of good to a person's will to continue their existence." At least in her case they did. Not that much was needed to already be an improvement.

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

"And sometimes they're the reason for the end of a person's existence," Loki pointed out.

Friends often drew you into things that you could have happily stayed away from. Not to mention how often they turned out not to have been friends at all.

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

"And sometimes," Uriel said calmly, "they are not." Silently, though, she half agreed with Loki. Not that she would have ever told him that.

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

"What's important here," Loki declared. "Is that I'm used to having only one friend around. Besides, War is here as well and maybe I can call Polly a friend, too."

Not that either friendship came close to what he'd had with Odin. He didn't even want then to, but he knew War, thought he understood her and Polly had been fun to play with.

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

"What about me, then?" asked Uriel, pouting in the most adorable way she could manage. "Am I not nice enough to count as a friend, or do you still hate me just for being a 'good-for-nothing not-god'?"

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

"I thought we were talking about additional friends?" He even managed an almost natural looking grin.

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

"Explanations, explanations," Uriel snorted. Then, she turned thoughtful. "You know... I don't know whether I have any friends. Any true friends, I mean. Sure, I have a lot more friendly acquaintances than I ever did before, but... I don't know. I'm not entirely sure just what constitues a friend."

She smiled briefly. "I guess, with a certain definition of a friend, I could perhaps count Bast for one. And the Doctor, too. There was Horus, too, but I haven't seen him for quite a while, and..." She trailed off. There weren't many people she could remember ever being very close to, and even less of those she wanted to remember.

Wrong person to ask, Uriel. Really wrong person.

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

"A friend," Loki started slowly, thoughtfully. "Is someone that you have common or at least related goals with, someone that you're useful to and who'll be on your side in return. Or sometimes it's someone that you give something useful to them, so they'll help you in return and the original interests aren't shared. In that case you just adopt their goal in exchange for them adopting yours. What's important about it is to remember that the friendship of people is always temporary. It passes, so you should never get too close."

If only he could learn to listen to his own advice about that! He just kept getting attached to people. The whole John debacle was his fault really. He shouldn't have let the human come to mean anything to him.

"Bast and Horus are a more complicated question, though," he continued. "I suppose it depends on whether they're more animals or people. Animals form friendships either through the stomach or the heart. The later kind often lasts a lifetime."

Well, she's incredibly naive in some things...

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

For a moment, Uriel was quiet, looking at Loki. Finally, she said, "That's an awully pessimistic view of the world." Not that she is one to speak. Just how many times has she told herself that nothing lasts, everything ends, and everybody will eventually leave him, so it's just for the best not to get too close to someone?

Suddenly, the make-up on her bare arms seems to cause her to itch.

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

"It's a realistic view," Loki amended. "Especially if you're as long-lived as we are. Expect anything else and sooner or later you'll get hurt. I'm not saying that there might not be exceptions." Once upon a time he'd been sure that Odin was such an exception. "But there's no guarantee that you'll find one and isn't it better to be positively surprised, if you do?"

Uriel wasn't him of course. Maybe she'd actually find her exception. People seemed to like her in any case. They didn't tend to like Loki. At least not for very long.

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

Uriel laughed, not happily. "My dear Loki," she said, "with my life, I'm pretty much positively surprised every time I wake up and notice I am still alive." Then her expression softened a bit and she caressed her stomach. "Well, not quite. But almost. I've noticed myself more than well that friends aren't forever -- but I try to hope." She tilted her head to the side. "Hope is a virtue, you know. One I need much practice with."

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

Loki shrugged.

"Virtue's your department," he told her. "We have a very different definition of ot in my pantheon." And it had never been much of an issue in his life. Women occasionally worried about their virtue when he made certain proposals to them, but it had never been a serious issue with goddesses.

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

"Yes, virtue is my department," Uriel replied. "Pity I'm not too good with it, isn't it? Although," she then added, "your pantheon's virtues should be easier for you to manage than those of mine. Stubborness, dishonesty, and being a plain bastard, right?" Of course she knew this was wrong; she had heard more than enough of hospitality and whatnot. However, when had she been able to resist the urge to tease Loki?

...Although, knowing him, he would take it as a compliment...

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

"Courage," Loki added. "Bravery in battle, loyalty ... That last one's a bitch really. Ever been caught between waring family? Your virtues are definitely not for me, though. You could sum them all up in two words: No fun."

He grimaced. It wasn't that he didn't understand how most of the basic ideas behind Christianity were supposed to work. He just didn't think they were good ideas in the first place.

[bipolar-uriel.livejournal.com]

"Loyalty?" echoed Uriel, remembering what little she knew of Norse mythology. "Well, I never could have guessed. And we can too have fun," she continued, a little miffed. "It's just that we actually have to take responsibility of the consequences of our fun." At this, she placed a hand over her stomach. Despite all her fears, that was one consequence she was looking forward to.

[leucemic-god.livejournal.com]

"Loyalty," Loki confirmed. "It's a complicated thing. Say for example your brother's son stole something from your cousin's lover, so your uncle kills your brother's son in revenge and your brother kills your uncle. Then your father gathers his army to avenge your uncle and your brother gathers his army in response. Which side do you fight on?"

And it was almost impossible to explain to most people that that was a very realistic scenario, if you were a Jotun with an Asgardian for a blood brother.