Crowley watched him go, expression completely blank. There were so many things that had been left unsaid as there always were...
The demon wanted to say that a hundred years ago they did have this, or at least he did, and watching Aziraphale with Wilde had been very nearly the hardest thing he'd ever done. He'd known it wouldn't end well, knew the angel would get hurt, and there hadn't been a damn thing he could do about it.
He also wanted to say that he hadn't tempted Aziraphale into anything. He'd been so careful not to. So, if the angel were feeling those things, they were of his own doing. If he were blaming Crowley for it, perhaps it was better this way. Maybe he'd be able to check those influences if he were away from him, before they caused his downfall. He didn't like the idea of a righteous Aziraphale, a cold clone of Gabriel walking around and doing his duty, but it was better than the idea of a fallen Aziraphale. At least with the former, one of them could be happy.
Crowley would add, too, if he could, that it wasn't his jealousy that was the problem. He could have dealt with the idea of Wilde in time if they ever sat and talked about things the way they used to, but the angel was so defensive and secretive about it. And his jealousy of John and Ellie and nearly anyone that Crowley talked to was not to be bourne, especially when it led to being spied on and followed. The demon felt his unsurety about the affair with Uriel could be supported, at least, because Aziraphale had demonstrated that he could be with other people and hide the fact. But Crowley had never been in a relationship before. Why would the angel doubt him? Unless it was a way to throw suspicion away from himself.
"You may have loved me once, angel," he sighed aloud to the empty room. "but Adam help me, I still love you."
Too numb to sulk or lash out, Crowley's steps led him out of the room and towards the third floor. With any luck, John would be in his room and have lots and lots of alcohol.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2006-10-01 09:19 pm (UTC)The demon wanted to say that a hundred years ago they did have this, or at least he did, and watching Aziraphale with Wilde had been very nearly the hardest thing he'd ever done. He'd known it wouldn't end well, knew the angel would get hurt, and there hadn't been a damn thing he could do about it.
He also wanted to say that he hadn't tempted Aziraphale into anything. He'd been so careful not to. So, if the angel were feeling those things, they were of his own doing. If he were blaming Crowley for it, perhaps it was better this way. Maybe he'd be able to check those influences if he were away from him, before they caused his downfall. He didn't like the idea of a righteous Aziraphale, a cold clone of Gabriel walking around and doing his duty, but it was better than the idea of a fallen Aziraphale. At least with the former, one of them could be happy.
Crowley would add, too, if he could, that it wasn't his jealousy that was the problem. He could have dealt with the idea of Wilde in time if they ever sat and talked about things the way they used to, but the angel was so defensive and secretive about it. And his jealousy of John and Ellie and nearly anyone that Crowley talked to was not to be bourne, especially when it led to being spied on and followed. The demon felt his unsurety about the affair with Uriel could be supported, at least, because Aziraphale had demonstrated that he could be with other people and hide the fact. But Crowley had never been in a relationship before. Why would the angel doubt him? Unless it was a way to throw suspicion away from himself.
"You may have loved me once, angel," he sighed aloud to the empty room. "but Adam help me, I still love you."
Too numb to sulk or lash out, Crowley's steps led him out of the room and towards the third floor. With any luck, John would be in his room and have lots and lots of alcohol.